Teen thinks I'm out of order , am I?

[Bridgeofthefuture]

Teen is 15 with some SN which affect her maturity.
She attends an activity two miles away from village to town which involves a part of the walk not having houses on. There have been a couple of incidents recently where a man has followed women and teens causing trouble there.

DD could catch a bus from school to the activity , one goes directly down the road but would get her there early (there's a fast food place to sit in but she won't get it) the other she doesn't like that the bus goes through an estate first rather than directly straight away. So she comes home and walks.

Due to all the above and the fact it's also very dark and poor street lighting i have been walking with her despite having disabilities myself. This means four hours of the week I'm walking back and forth.

DD is pissed off at me because I walk with her even though I leave her away from the activity. I've told her if she goes alone I want her to go on the bus and she thinks I'm treating her like she's 12 by not letting her walk alone .

She's very immature , she's not trustable to keep herself out of danger and thinks nothing of walking round the whole way on her phone risking being run over or having her phone snatched.

YANBU
My DD is 15 and no SEN and I wouldn't let her walk back alone (or bus alone) at 9.00pm. DD also wouldn't go on a bus alone for some reason. She would definitely rather walk than get the bus. (think she has also been spoilt with lifts and taxis when walking not possible).

Explain again the reasons and that it isn't that you don't trust her as such - just everyone else.

Thank you everyone.

To answer questions.
She can't ride a bike due to her SN.

She hates the bus, she hates the noise, people bumping in to her and such.
She hates bus A because she would have to sit in the fast food place for an hour and she doesn't like that either.
Bus two would get her up about twenty minutes early but it goes around an estate rather than direct and she doesn't like that.

I haven't caught the bus with her to the activity as the bus goes from school direct and not from home.
There is no bus home so I will have to meet her whether she likes it or not at 9pm.

I don't know any of the other parents but I'm going to speak to the leaders.

When she's on the bus, could she listen to music/ podcast? I have a 15 year old. Not in a million years would she be walking alone at night.

She hates the bus, she hates the noise, people bumping in to her and such. She hates bus A because she would have to sit in the fast food place for an hour and she doesn't like that either.

There's a lot of things in life that people don't like doing, but the end result (i.e. doing the activity) is worth it. Perhaps it's a good life lesson for her that Mum can't always find a perfect solution so she'll have to choose the best option available? I hope it works out.

is her SN autism?it sounds like it

at 12 they are still classed as children as teenager hood starts at 13 so your defo not being unreasonable letting her go alone as shes still a child

i have a big 14 y old boy(hes 6ft)with many SN,mentally hes 10/11,he still needs 24 hour supervision in everything he does,even bathing

for my own sanity i would still be walking with her as you know she safe

and for all you that say hard lines,suck it up and make her catch a bus obviously you dont have a disabled child to deal with

Fair point, @tor8181, I might be underestimating what "hating" the bus really means for the OP's DD. If it would make her truly distressed and anxious (not just being a grumpy teen), then of course that's not an option.

Teens often say they hate things, it doesn't necessarily mean they really can't cope with them - but that could be the case here.

I’d sign her up (you too, if she needs you there) to a teen self defence class. It works miracles when teens hear another adult (often a big man) talk about the dangers.

Also, having to practice the defensive moves makes it all very real. It’s no longer ‘some scary vague bogeyman’ that wussy mum is going on about. It’s ‘ok, which arm are you going to cross over to break the fekker’s finger, Lucy? Quick, you only have a millisecond to decide.’

I remember it had a very maturing effect to be part of those classes at her age. I appreciate she might find it too challenging with SN, but even watching the class from the sidelines (or online together??) might do the trick.

You are not being U at all. It's not safe and your daughter needs to understand that and the dangers that come with walking alone.

I also have SN and LD, at her age I wouldn't go anywhere unless my mum drove me because I could not cope with public transport or work out how to use bus timetables. My mum wasn't confident that I'd be safe alone therefore I wasn't to go anywhere alone.

Now at 24 I can and choose to go and do what I want but I am also able to weigh up the risk and comfort vrs discomfort and safety. Would it be possible for you to either walk her there or back and her get a taxi of the other journey?

You are doing the right thing as a parent but due to her SEN I doubt she will understand this. I worry you are putting yourself at risk walking alone either way though. Is there anyone with transport in the family who can help out, or any charities you could apply for to help her continue her interest? Otherwise could you get the bus around the estate with her, meeting her after school, so she becomes accustomed to it?