To pack my job in.

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I have 2 children (2 & 7) and I’m miserable because I don’t feel like i am having a big enough role in their life. I think I’ve realised that I want to be with them a lot more than I currently am and to have a major role in raising them.

Currently I leave the house at half past 7am and get home at half past 5pm (sometimes later.) I do no school runs, no getting them dressed. When I get home at night I cook dinner and put them to bed. No active role in homework or actually spending quality time and I’m miserable.

I know lots of people do it (work full time) and I seem happy but I there’s an ache that I can’t shake.

My actual job is enjoyable but it’s full on and is average pay. Financially we could take a pay cut in terms of me either not working or working very part time.

I fantasise about leaving and spending some quality time with them. We already have a cleaner, do online shopping but still I hate the feeling where I don’t really know my kids or what they are doing all day.

I have requested to drop days but my work wasn’t happy to do so. Eventually they dragged their feet and agreed to me doing 4 days 8-5. But it still doesn’t seem enough (although hasn’t started yet - will start next month).

Will I regret leaving my job when they’re at school? Or will I regret not spending this time with them more.

My ideal would be my current job 3 days max. Or 4 days but shorter hours (9-2 perhaps). It’s the leaving early and home late that is killing me.

OH is great. He gets them up, feeds them, dresses them, school drop off, Empty’s dishwasher does washing etc. But is job is way more challenging than mine but also pays 3 times as much. He also travels a lot and during that time I’m close to a breakdown as I need to drop the kids at my mums at 7am.

Could you go back to 5 days but make your days shorter?

I was going to suggest 5 shorter days.

If your job will allow you to shorten your hours that sounds like the best option. You could increase then again in a few years when your youngest is in school?

I’ve recently applied to cut down so that I have a day off work, it’s totally draining but I don’t want to be cut out of the workforce and find myself with fewer options later down the line.

Why not look for another job rather than jack it in altogether?

And why do you feel that you don't have a major role in raising them? You are their mum! You make (with DH) the big decisions about their lives, like schooling. Presumably you make the small decisions, too, like taking them shoe shopping? And what do you do at the weekend?

If you can take the cut in pay I would at least go part time. If that means finding a new job, then so be it. They're only small once and you can always go back to full time when they get closer to secondary age. I don't think you'll regret it.

I kept a low paid, low brain power job for 12 years while my kids were little. I felt like I was stagnating career wise, but I was able to be there for the kids, reduce my hours in school holidays etc and to me that was worth more than my career.

That was an option but the nursery fees remain the same yet my pay decreases considerably. However it’s not all about money and actually I thought that working for 5 days I would still feel rushed and I would have more quality time with 1 full day off.

Go part time preferably in your role if you love it. I worked full time (leaving at 6.30am home at 6.30/7pm) and DD was miserable, I felt like a shit mum, I hardly spent any quality time with her as weekends were for chores etc. I took a pay cut and took a part time job in a completely different industry, we live basically now (lone parent) but are both very happy.

Hi OP. I think you're looking for permission to quit your job and be with your children. If this what you really want to do, and I think you're saying you can afford it, then do it. You won't regret it. X

Id work 5 shorter days. Its much better like that when both at school. Ie collect from school for homework help etc etc

You know what, if I were you I would leave.

You are very lucky you can afford to do so. If just do it and get something else if it's not working for you.

Thanks. I guess I am asking for permission. For someone to say it’s okay not to want to chase a career. It’ll be okay to take a part time job and everything will be okay. I think a lot of it for me is that the money actually doesn’t make me happier than spending quality time with them.

So yes we can now do more, have more luxuries, holidays etc. But I’m not feeling fulfilled as a mum and so not sure why I’m doing it when the food and roof over our head will still be there if I take a lower paid part time job.

Although my boss is letting me drop a day, he said he wants to review it in 3 months and if I’m ready to return full time then we will. Where as I need something longer term.

It’s not an easy balance - maintaining a career now will pay off in future for your finances and self worth but you don’t want to ‘pay now’. What does dh think (it sounds like you have an equal partnership in terms of domestic duties, how would he feel having to be the sole wage earner).

Personally I would give the reduced hours a month (or give in my resignation and see if my boss then agrees the three days).

I did it. I became a SAHM.

It does take some adjusting to having a lot less money but overall the whole family was happier while I was at home.

I've never returned to my career though. The industry changed massively in the mean time. I know work in a clerical role earning a quarter of my previous salary.

However DH was fully on board. I didn't massively enjoy my career and we could afford for me to not go back. And I met great people at the school gate who are our friends now. Not everyone enjoys the school gate experience!