To not know where to turn :-(

[ironinglady57]

I am a new Mum to a beautiful DD. She is a joy; such a good baby but does want my 100% attention 100% of the time. My OH works long unpredictable shifts, they don't have an end time and he often works on his days off, again unpredictable hours. So I never know from one day to another when he will be home, if he will be home etc etc etc.

I feel as though I'm really struggling. I get very little help at home so everything is left to me in terms of running the household as well as childcare. If I don't do it, it doesn't get done. I barely have a minute to myself to brush my teeth or shower. I am constantly worrying about what needs doing next, trying to juggle everything whilst feeling very lonely.

I do have support from my parents but mainly at weekends, even then I feel unable to switch off as I have 100 million things to do. I go to their house to try and relax and forget about my home life but doesn't work. I just don't feel right, don't feel like me and don't know what to do.

I've tried to talk to my OH and my Mum about how I'm feeling. Both of them just dismissed it as having a bad day, I'll be alright tomorrow etc. I've tried to explain I feel like this most of the time and apparently everyone does. I just don't feel listened to. Everywhere I read that if you're struggling you should talk to someone, it took me so long to pluck up the courage to bring up my struggles to the two closest people to me and to have my feelings dismissed has really hurt.

I don't know what to do next, who to speak to or where to turn for help and advice. Does anyone have any experience of this and is able to point me in the right direction? X

Oh lovely you are very much not alone, almost every new mum has some degree of feeling like this even with support it is a daunting and relentless task in the early days.
My first port of call would be the health visitor, mine was a god send and gave me lots of support and also reassurance.
If you feel like you maybe suffering from post natal depression then get thyself to a gp pronto cbt and meds saved my life after dc3 but it doesnt have to be that dramatic to warrant a doctors appointment.
Also do be kind to yourself it is such a huge change of gear becoming a mum and adjustment takes time. I
promise life will get easier as baby grows there will obviously be other trials but for me the hardest part was the clinging baby stage and although it felt like eternity at the time it now seems like a bat of an eye.
As for not being heared i had a similar experience with my partner and felt hurt too in the end i had to except that he just didnt get it and i would have to spell out exactly what i needed and when, he was always willing to help but was just clueless unless instructed.

It's all consuming. Try and focus on what might make the situation better...for example, if you think you need your DH to have more regular work times - tell him. Or if you need some time alone - arrange it.

Half of the problem (or most I believe) is deciding what you want. Once you've done that, make it happen. Don't expect other people to feel what you feel. It's not their fault - they just can't. But they are trying to tell you that it's temporary, which it is.

Take control and get in touch with exactly what you want or need...this may take some thinking time but it's 100% worth doing for your own sanity.

I really feel for you. Can you afford some practical support e.g. a cleaner, a babysitter for a couple of mornings a week? Difficult if you are EBF but do-able. Things that help me (new mum too) are doing online food shops and having a cleaner once a week. Any time my mum or DH can watch the baby I use to sleep! Agree it’s a good idea to talk to your HV too.

Another vote for speaking with your HV.

There was no judgement from them when I needed them and even now as my child is about to start school I needed their help with something last month. Worth their weight in gold.

Thank you so much for your replies it really does mean a lot to me.

I will find the HV contact details in the morning and give them a call. I didn't even think of contacting the HV!!