To ask if it's ok for a child not to want to do that much?

[poldarkssecretlover]

Dd (age seven) has two activities in the week- martial arts and swimming. We've tried other things along the way - dance, gymnastics, skating, theatre - all of which she seemed to hate although she was good at gym which was a shame so we went with her wishes and stopped them all.

The activities she does now are the ones she seems ok with but when she's there she's so half arsed with everything compared to the other children and looks like she can't be bothered to be there although she says she enjoys it. Her progress is very slow in both and that's not a problem obviously, just as long as she enjoys it which she says she does but there's no energy or enthusiasm. She's very shy and lacks confidence which may be a factor in her progress.

We're not pushy parents at all, we just want her to be happy and find something she enjoys, but her complete lack of motivation to do anything is sometimes frustrating. Other children in her class do lots of activities and we don't want her life to be as over scheduled as theirs are but we can't help noticing that they seem to love what they do and go willingly to classes (if FB is to be believed). Dd would be happy just playing in her room with her toys or tablet every night!

Is it ok if she's the kind of child who just likes to do her own thing in her own time and not go out that much or should we be pushing her more? Is anyone else's child a bit like this? Thanks in advance!

I think it is far more normal not to have an activity almost every day after school and doing stuff/playing at home at that age.

Children need downtime. Mine does swimming and MA too. it's more than enough. She has plenty of things she enjoys doing at home. Who cares about FB and the competitive parenting shown off on there. Just ignore.

My 8 year old stopped all activities because she just wanted to be at home. That was over a year ago, and she has recently started an instrument and a new sport. She now has time to invite friends to tea and go and play at the park when she fancies, a lot more freedom and less pressure.

I have one of each, one who loves being busy and doing extra curricular stuff and excels at the stuff she chooses to do (anything that isnt sport based) and the only activity I ever struggled to get her too was swimming which we quit once she reached a certain level.

DS on the other hand does beavers and a musical theatre class. That is it. He would much rather be at home. He does love musical theatre though its the one thing he does love to do

Every kid is different!
My kids do a lot of activities (brownies, swimming, drama, French, Indian dance + music for the older one who is 7, the same for the middle one except for brownies, she is 5). That's also because i want them to be involved in both me and DH's culture hence why Saturday is pretty much booked with French school all morning, and Indian dance + music in the afternoon. The rest are week days. They love everything. They sometimes moan (well the older does) at the Indian dance as it is 'tiring' but it's not negotiable for now and they love the music class, which goes with it really. Once they're proficient enough in swimming they will stop if they want to. They may want to try ballet then which is fine if we find a suitable class. Brownies is great and cheap. They love the drama class.

If your DD doesn't want to do loads that's fine. My only thought would be limiting the time on the tablet. They have access and use of screen at school as it is. I don't allow TV or tablets during the week (only week-ends) and my girls rarely use the tablet if at all. So if she is happy playing, crafting etc with no screen then it's fab and i would leave her to it!

Yes. When I was younger I would take up "hobbies" and eventually bored of them and my mum would just let me give up, thank God. I was very shy and being around lots of other people just wasn't for me sometimes, school was enough to deal with. I have never pushed my kids to keep going to activities they don't want to do. Some kids to way to much now, they are in the go non stop, kids need a break to sometimes.

I think it's normal to not want to do activities.

It's very child dependant.

My 6 year old would do activities until they came out of her ears. Yet me 4 year old isn't that interested in anything. He does swimming which is non negotiable and gymnastics, but that's more because he has to go because his sister does so he decided he may as well join in rather than sit and wait.

The endless after school activities baffle me.confused. Do you and your husband do tons of evening classes? I honestly can’t imagine what it would be like to grow up now.

I totally agree. Where I live (Wales) part of the school inspection regime seems to involve schools being assessed on providing an enormous quantity of after school activities. Worldwide, children's play is being more immature for their age than it used to be. No bloody wonder. They don't have time to play anymore. Too busy following the instruction of adults in their 'activities'. It is useful for children to learn how to shape and direct their own play, and negotiate interactions with other children without adults. It's part of growing up.

My dc’s don’t do activities, dd1 goes to youth club once a week and that’s plenty for her, both of them are pretty tired after school and have homework to do, we do things at the weekend. I didn’t do many activities as a child, would go horse riding every weekend and ballet once a week (which I hated). Not sure why people expect their kids to want to do activities 3 or 4 times a week, not all kids want too.

Some people are so busy rushing their children to activity after activity that they are worn out exhausted and never have a chance to play at home a couple of activities a week is plenty.

You already do crafts and things with her, which is great, as what kids want most is time with their parents. Can you start another activity with her, like swimming together (not lessons)? When my DS was about your DD age I started to plan my Sunday fitness-type activity around what we could do together, so we would go swimming together, or ice-skating. It was just lovely to spend the time together, having fun.

I don't think it matters. She has school which is more than one activity on its own! Two extra curriculars are two more than many do.

In time she'll develop new interests so stop worrying. A seven year old is a person in progress and it's nice to see them develop in their own way.

My DD was like this, don’t worry too much. I feel for introverted people, children and adults, as our society believes everyone should like doing things and being around others most of the time. It’s ok to not be like that. My DD is now almost an adult! She eventually found an activity later on she liked that suited her well. She just preferred when younger to stay home and do her art, read lots and lots and chill out. She is autistic so that can be common. She still requires lots of time to herself and doesn’t have friends over much, and that’s ok!! Some activities are best done alone. It’s ok to enjoy that.

I think it’s completely dependant on the child and more important that there is no pressure for the child to carry on a club/hobby that they no longer enjoy or want to try a different one.

I remember hating dance as a child (3 hours on a Saturday morning) but my mum thinking as it was my only club I needed something used to me make me go even though I was in tears and really just wanted a slow morning in pj’s eating sugary bowls of cereal and watching cartoons.

That being said my 3 DD’s are a lot more motivated than me as a kid and are barely in the house during the week and absolutely thrive on different activities, sports and hobbies which they compete at too.

In a week we do riding (2 DD’s have their own pony) pony club, drama, Netball, photography, piano lessons, dance, gymnastics, choir, shoot lessons (triathalon competitors) and cross country.

The girls thrive on it all and love both the variety and fun it brings to the week although unless we have any competitions or PC stuff on at the weekend we do like VERY quiet weekends.

Let her have some free time. People need to learn how to entertain themselves

I agree. I doubt adults would want someone organising activities for all their free time so why do parents think they constantly have to manage their children's free time?
Let them think for themselves sometimes.

Mine only did one sport activity, but we had a friend to tea almost every day, that was what she preferred.

We don’t live in UK op and in this country kids go to so many activities. My daughter (10) has finally joined yoga and fitness (2 clubs) at her school. Before that she only went to arts and crafts some terms. She did a bit of art and now does sewing/art on alternative weeks (I have also ken up sewing at same time as her). If your daughter is happy as she is, don’t push her. Maybe she will decide to take up more activities later when she is ready as my daughter seems to have. My daughter is also very quiet and had a lot of anxieties and still is sensitive. She still faces problems talking even in school. I faced so many questions from people as to why I’m not sending my daughter to activities but I knew that the best thing to do is not to push her. When I was little I went to so many classes and absolutely hated it. Not sure if you are a working mum, but if you are not, I would say enjoy being at home with her!

My DCS don't one activity each. DD8 : gymnastics, DS5 : rugby. DD has just finished swimming lessons as she can now swim lengths in 4 strokes. DS started swimming but was lazy with it so we are saving up for 1:1 lessons.

One activity a week is more than enough for my kids. They are both doing well at school but need a lot of downtime and are much happier being at home pottering about with Lego etc than doing structured activities. They go to a childminder 3-4 evenings a week where there are other children to play with, crafts etc. So I haven't pushed the clubs. I've also seen the effect of over scheduling children as a teacher and would rather avoid that. Ultimately it's up to you how many activities your children do.

My ds is like this. He complains about every activity, ever. He hates big groups of kids. He goes to one activity a week now for but it's a small group and close to home.

I honestly don't know where some people get the energy. Once he dropped a few activities and just kept the one I felt so relieved. All the driving and the changing clothes and the waiting and the traffic and the rush home and the late dinners. Gah.

Initially I kept him going with a few because I really wanted him to find one thing that he'd stick at and be good at and enjoy long term. No one invested in me as a child and I just wanted to make sure I invested in his interests and encouraged him socially. I was introverted as a child and I wish I had never been labeled 'shy'. Being told I was shy was like being given an excuse not to try. So I've been conscious of encouraging him while also not being too pushy! I think we've found the balance now!

Your daughter is only seven. She is doing two sports. Maybe she's tired? Some children are naturally quieter than others, and I think it's important to accept them for what they are, not make them feel that they are lacking. You say that the teacher has recommended activities in order to widen her friendship circle, but I think that would be better achieved by inviting one child at a time over to play

ericthedog yes that's very much my motivation. I was painfully shy as a child and was always labelled shy or quiet. I was the only child who couldn't swim and I wasn't allowed to join after school clubs. I would have loved for someone to make the effort for me, invested in giving me opportunities to boost my confidence and social skills.

zzzzz my dh does a lot of activities but I only go to one fitness class a week. I am also baffled at the number of activities children do - dd's friend does brownies, acting school, gymnastics, horse riding and swimming! I have no intention of giving dd am over scheduled life, my question was more about finding a balance between encouraging her to try things and giving her the space to be herself.

I was like this when I was younger, very socially anxious and found it exhausting and unnecessary going to my activities! My parents encouraged me to stay doing my main hobby but let me quit in the end. I was an introvert and much happier doing my own thing and arts and crafts at home in my bedroom. I ended up going back to the hobby in my teens and enjoyed it and now as an adult I would say I'm glad my parents didn't push! I do still like my own space and time but I guess because I can choose when I want to socialise etc now I do it much more since it's on my own terms!

My children don’t do anything out of school whatsoever. They won’t be doing anything out of school (barring swimming lessons and golfing but that’s more of a family activity). I have no interest ferrying around children from on boring poorly organised activity to another and they aren’t going to benefit. We would all be much happier bringing them home to read a book/spend time together. I can understand taking children to these things if parents are compensating for a bad school but otherwise there is absolutely no need.