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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Maternity and work courses

36 replies

numbersnumbers · 22/01/2019 18:00

So last week I was approached by one of my managers (our office is a bit complicated and while I have a few managers I have one I report to who is technically in charge of me, I will call him A. This other manager (B) has invited me to go on a course that he has mentioned last year and that is focussed on my area of expertise (im in a finance based career and this course is on the topic I did my further training in). Anyway I went to A about it to ask if I could go, he said no. He said as I am pregnant (only 14 weeks) I will be going on maternity leave soon so someone else should go in my place. I am gutted.

This is something which when I come back from maternity leave could really help my career. I'm coming back full time if that matters.

Anyway today I was talking to A and he said he is going instead of me! He said he won't be leaving or going on maternity (obviously as he's a bloke!) and so he thinks it's a good move for our department?!

As far as I am aware he hasn't spoken to B yet so I don't even know if he will get funding to go (B had already asked for funding in my name from big boss and got the ok).

Aibu to be really pissed off? Sorry if this is garbled I'm staying late to finish off some work and so am trying to be discreet!

OP posts:
Asdfghjklll · 22/01/2019 18:15

Do you have an HR department? Go see them pronto. Manager a cant discriminate based on pregnancy

Original poster
numbersnumbers · 22/01/2019 18:19

Would that be overkill though? I can see from a purely departmental basis that having someone trained who isn't going off for a year makes sense but just feel like I was offered it and now I'm being told I can't go just because of baby! Also I'm worried if I go to HR then manager A could make my life difficult with maternity appts, and discussing when I come back. I am coming back full time but I need to change my hours. So far he has been pleasant enough about pregnancy although has told me he thinks it's all very weird and a bit gross....not sure where he thinks he came from!!

OP posts:
2019Dancerz · 22/01/2019 18:19

Union. What a daft thing to say! He could have said it was better for him due to his position or something, it would be great if he would put that in writing for you

Original poster
numbersnumbers · 22/01/2019 18:20

@2019Dancerz actually I do have it in text. He text me after our conversation saying no hard feelings about it all and I said I was disappointed not to be allowed to go. He then text back saying realistically as I was going on maternity he has to look at the department as a whole and it would be more beneficial for someone else to go.

OP posts:
TulipsInbloom1 · 22/01/2019 18:25

How soon after the course ends would you start mat leave?

2019Dancerz · 22/01/2019 18:26

I don’t know if that could count as a legitimate business reason Confused What are you going to do?

Original poster
numbersnumbers · 22/01/2019 18:31

@TulipsInbloom1 I am currently 14 weeks, the course is a two day residential next month and I will be planning on going on maternity at 36 weeks (my job isn't physical and I can work from home if needed)

It's clear he thinks it's a waste for me to go as I'm going on maternity but I can't decide if I'm unreasonable to be annoyed at that or if I should just suck it up.

OP posts:
Original poster
numbersnumbers · 22/01/2019 18:33

@2019Dancerz I don't know :-( I really wanted to go but I'm worried about the repercussions if I kick up a fuss. And I suppose as a manager it's easy to think oh I'll give the extra training to someone else who won't be off for a year...but I am coming back and it's annoyed me that he is trying to go in my place!

OP posts:
2019Dancerz · 22/01/2019 18:42

Well does the person who did the course only benefit the rest when they are in the room? I mean is it something you could learn, and either put systems relating to it in place before you go and/or cascade your learning ( Envy ) to the team before leaving?

Original poster
numbersnumbers · 22/01/2019 18:47

Without outing myself it's not so much as learning a new thing more refreshing on the already used system. It will have little affect on a day to day basis but will look very good on a cv and I wanted to go as I feel it would help me a lot.

OP posts:
Hwory · 22/01/2019 18:49

He is discriminating you based on you being pregnant. This isn’t okay OP. Go to your other manager or HR.

He shouldn’t be a manager if he thinks things like this are acceptable.

Original poster
numbersnumbers · 22/01/2019 18:57

@Hwory is it definitely discriminatory though? Or will he argue it's just common sense for the department?

I've also just remembered he let another colleague go on a course in November and she went on ML in december! And her course was for something she will have to have retraining for when she comes back!!!

OP posts:
Lymphy · 22/01/2019 19:05

If the sole reason for being denied a place on a course is due to you being pregnant then yes it is discrimination, does your company have a maternity/parental policy? If so go throughout it with a fine tooth comb, check out the equality act for further info as well, it sounds very dodgy to me using your pregnancy to deny a course

JonSlow · 22/01/2019 19:08

Yes it’s 100% discrimination.

m.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=5271

The second bullet:

Unfavourable treatment

Employees are protected against unfavourable treatment because of pregnancy or maternity. This means an employee or job applicant must not be disadvantaged because of their pregnancy or maternity. For example, they must not:....

...suffer disadvantage because of pregnancy or maternity through the employer's policies, procedures, rules or practices...

Original poster
numbersnumbers · 22/01/2019 19:14

@Lymphy I'd say so because he literally has just said as I'm going off on maternity it's more beneficial for someone else to go...

I'll have a look at our maternity policy tomorrow if I can find it 🤦🏻‍♀️ I'm so worried if I kick off it will affect me in the long run...

OP posts:
Lymphy · 22/01/2019 19:31

I’ve been in this scenario very recently, it was regarding a uni course that is waited and waited to do, I was then told as I was pregnant it would go to the next person in line ( there’s a few waiting to do it but can only go one at a time) I copied HR into EVERY correspondence, got the relieve info from our paternal policy and equality act, my manager was amazing ( the decision to not send me was a higher manager). It ended with me doing the course as planned, I to was worried it would impact on my return but it’s been fine, she knew she was in the wrong and is actually a bit ott in “supporting” me now, she’d got away with it before with others because no one spoke up, she’s now very cautious in her management decisions.

Lymphy · 22/01/2019 19:55

Oh and keep the text!

whatswithtodaytoday · 22/01/2019 19:59

I can't believe he's a manager and has told you you can't do something to further your career because you're pregnant 😲 Assuming you have a half-decent HR department, he is in trouble for discrimination.

Lantern92 · 22/01/2019 20:04

This is pregnancy discrimination he has even blatantly admitted it to you and over text as well! They dont have a leg to stand on. Take it to HR.

FrowningFlamingo · 22/01/2019 20:06

Wow. He's an idiot. Please take this to HR.

Original poster
numbersnumbers · 22/01/2019 20:28

Am I really pathetic for being worried/ afraid about rocking the boat? This baby has been so hard to get (fertility issues), I just don't need the drama. I know I'm going to end up just sucking this up and just seething quietly. I have no backbone ☹️

OP posts:
JonSlow · 22/01/2019 21:05

You aren’t going to suck this up, otherwise you wouldn’t have posted. You’ve done nothing wrong. The manager has. You’ll get your course, and your manager gets some training he needs. Win win.

Lymphy · 23/01/2019 18:35

But you are not rocking the boat, he is! It’s written in law. You have been gracious to inform them of your pregnancy early ( lots of policies say you don’t have to inform until 23 weeks) so if you hadn’t let them know yet you’d be on that course. You can play it sensitively so you don’t feel your stirring an issue, when it happened to me I just casually and politely said “oh, you know I’m just going to double check with HR on that if you don’t mind as I’m pretty sure being pregnant cant be used as a reason to progress/ train/ develop,I’ll copy you in to the email of course”
Don’t seethe you have rights. X

MeredithGrey1 · 23/01/2019 18:57

But you are not rocking the boat, he is! It’s written in law.

Absolutely this!!! Keep that text and show it to HR because it sounds like discrimination to me. He should be pushing to go on the course with you if he feels that he should go, not instead of you.

StripeyDeckchair · 23/01/2019 19:23

It's discrimation and gender bias and position abuse if your boss goes instead of you.

Throw the book at him