Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

AIBU or over fussy?

18 replies

FlippingEggs · 22/01/2019 17:32

I am a manager of a large team, I manage other managers. The organisation I work for has fairly robust HR policies and procedures that we are all required to adhere to. That is fine and I respect that.

The issue is my manager. She is not terrible, but she drives me bonkers in lots of small ways. If you go to her and tell her something has been achieved and well, she has a way of trivialising it and making you feel silly for self celebrating or championing your team, or if you are doing an important piece of work, that she doesn't understand, she will try and manage it anyway, rather than just trusting you to do your job. I was in my job and established before she was in hers and my area is pretty specialist and it is taking her a long time (2+ years now) to get her head around it.

Anyway, her new thing is she will suddenly realise that we have not had a 121 for a while (policy is every 4-6 weeks), and she will send me an email that asks me to look in her diary and book one in for us.

This drives me completely and inexplicably mad. So I go all stubborn and don't respond. So the 121 doesn't happen.

I schedule my staff's 121's in for the year. I am their manager. It is up to me to make sure they are being supervised and they are managing their staff. I wouldn't dream of emailing any of them to schedule us something in - isn't that my job, as their manager?

The 121's, when they do happen, are not great... she sparse with her praise and quick to criticise. Even when there is nothing wrong, she will 'hmm and ahhh' and say things like "Lets not get ahead of ourselves, there is always room to make mistakes" so I am not particularly inclined to have them at any rate.

So AIBU and/or fussy bu expecting my manager to schedule our 121 meeting so can in effect, manage me. Or should I just suck it up. Even though it drives me bonkers?

Not the biggest problem known to man, but I have just had another request and it has set me off again

OP posts:

Nicknacky · 22/01/2019 17:35

But isn’t it easier for you to look in her diary, find a time and date that suits you both and book it in? Rather than her choosing a time that might not suit you and then it has to be changed?

Original poster

FlippingEggs · 22/01/2019 17:44

We have access to each others diaries, I do this with my staff. See when they are free and schedule something. It is common practise where we work.

OP posts:

Nicknacky · 22/01/2019 17:49

I think you are being a bit unreasonable. One of you has to look at the others diary. Just do it and move on with your day.

IncomingCannonFire · 22/01/2019 17:49

Sounds like you don't think your manager is competent enough to be your manager. Therefore anything she does is going to grate.
Not sure how you would proceed. Whether to try and get a promotion or move.

Original poster

FlippingEggs · 22/01/2019 17:52

I know, it is such a small thing. I don't know why, out everything that she does, this annoys me the most. I should just do it - technically she has given me an instruction. Arghhhh!

OP posts:

Parthenope · 22/01/2019 17:56

Not what you asked, but it sounds as if you are looking for validation from her in the form of praise, which she's reluctant to give -- would someone in her position normally in your field praise successes lavishly? It would be entirely alien in mine, which is why I'm asking.

gothefcktosleep · 22/01/2019 17:56

I always thought it should be the direct report booking time in until my last LM did it the other way round... and she was REALLY busy all the time. Does it matter though? Just book it and move on...

Fightingfit2019 · 22/01/2019 17:57

I had a manager who looked at our diaries and booked in 1:1 etc. It drove me crazy. Just because I didn’t have a meeting booked in, didn’t mean I had nothing planned for that time. I much preferred them emailing me and telling me to put a date in the diary on a choice of X days. I then done the same with those I managed, it worked well for us. Each to their own!

123rd · 22/01/2019 17:58

Crickey, why do you need to have 121 that often?? I would hate that
My company are the other extreme and I've had one 'official' chat in five years!
But yes, just look in her diary and book. You could then Delegate to your staff to book their 121 by looking in your diary...

ArnoldBee · 22/01/2019 18:00

Your expectations appear to be quite old fashioned. The expectation shoukd be that the individual takes responsibility for their own one to ones in forward thinking organisations.

Jeezoh · 22/01/2019 18:00

I think you’re being petty, she’s no more responsible than you are. Why not just set up a recurring appointment every 6 weeks?

Normandy144 · 22/01/2019 18:01

I take it she doesn't have a PA to do this for her? I would just do one invitation for a series of 121's occuring every 6 weeks. Don't bother checking her diary (maybe for thw first one?) and then it's up to her to accept. You might politely suggest she does this since she is then the meeting host but sounds like she won't take the bait.

SushiMonster · 22/01/2019 18:03

It is normal for the juniors to look in the mentors diary and book a 1-2-1 at s mutually convenient time.

You sound difficult and petty so any genuine issue is lost.

thedevilinablackdress · 22/01/2019 18:06

YAB a bit U about the 121 booking. I do it this way, my boss has a way busier diary than me so it makes sense.
The other stuff is trickier and maybe you need to be clearer about what you need from her?

Original poster

FlippingEggs · 22/01/2019 18:09

Okay, I am willing to accept AIBU.

In our organisation 121s are designed to catch up with your reportee, check on their wellbeing, talk to them about their performance and raise any concerns and performance issues and plan forward around these. As a manager, we are also required to ensure annual leave is bring used, that they have all the training they need and it is their space to raise any problems.

I do think the amount is a bit excessive but that is the policy.

I guess I will just schedule something in, and grump silently

OP posts:

Daffodil2018 · 22/01/2019 18:11

This kind of thing drives me mad too. I would probably do something really passive aggressive like reply and say “yes good idea to have a catch up, my diary is up to date so feel free to put something in whenever suits you”. That may backfire though!

bridgetreilly · 22/01/2019 18:26

If I were her I would think I was doing you a favour by letting you schedule the meetings whenever it's most convenient for you. I genuinely don't understand why you feel so insulted by that.

Dinosauraddict · 22/01/2019 23:31

Where I work we have WEEKLY 1:1s. There are no set rules as to whether managers or reports schedule them - as a manager I’ve done it both ways depending on personalities, capacity, convenience etc.

Flip