Feeling annoyed

[Mum1515]

Just found out that my sisters just booked two weeks holiday whereby one of them clashes when we were about to book a trip Egypt for OH big birthday.
We have children and therefore don't like DD having time off school, sister doesn't and therefore can go anytime of the year. She's already booked two mini breaks so far this year.
We can't go in the summer holidays due to OH work commitments (works in industry where summer is busy) and now the extra amount it would cost if we could.
We have saved up for two years to afford this holiday and now can't go especially with our elderly dad who sister lives closer to and pops in on her way home every night now needing to come to us whilst she is away because they are slowly getting worse and need help and checking in on daily.
Am I being extremely unreasonable to be extremely annoyed and upset with sister?

Did she know you where about to book a holiday?

Otherwise I don’t think you can be annoyed at her for not being psychic

I can see where you are coming from because (assuming she knew you wanted to go away that week) your sister was a bit thoughtless. It's probably not worth falling out over though. is there anyone else who can check in on your parents for the week? Maybe ask neighbours and friends to do a day each during the week you and your sister would both be away. If you explain to your sister your situation and ask for her help organising someone else to check in on them I'm sure you could get it sorted.

if this was done with intention, knowing she was needed by the family then you are within reason to annoyed. Did you confirm with her the exact dates of your holiday? Or was there a brief conversation that never got confirmed? It is not her fault your husbands job limits his holidays and it is not her fault you have children and have to work around school holidays. Your life choices should not be used to make other people feel guilty.

It's a bit annoying if your sister knew you were definitely going away then and did it anyway - presumably if you are needed to check in on your parents when she is not around she had discussed this with you before?

Is it possible she feels a bit put upon?

Or does she just usually please herself, act first think later sort of thing?

Hard to tell from your post.

As you have some warning, I think the PPs idea of getting some help in for the week you can't cover is the best plan, and both you and your sister should be involved in arranging that.

Did she know your plans? If not, YABU.

If she did, tell her that sorry but your DF can't come to you as you had plans for those two weeks and she'll have to arrange care.

Sirzy, Yes we spoke the other day and I said we were thinking of going the last week of term because OH birthday was the middle of that week and obviously to keep cost lower.
LadyHardy, we both only spoke yesterday about it.it's just dad. I could probably ask the lady next door. Unfortunately where I'm practical, sister isn't. Dads' health only deteriorated the last few months to the extent that we are considering moving him in with us.
Wednesday32, I'm not trying to make anyone feel guilty I'm just explaining that sister can go on holiday 52 weeks of the year because of no commitments where she knows we can't do summer holidays. Also we have saved for two years for this holiday and haven't holidayed abroad for over four years and all I'm asking is that instead of impulse and doing it there and then that she checked/reconfirmed our dates.

whydont why would the other sister need to arrange care?

Surely all siblings should help with that and not put more into the one who seemingly does the lions share anyway

If your sister routinely visits your father every day of the week and you just tend to help out of she is on holiday then it seems a bit churlish to begrudge her booking a holiday when it is convenient for her

You told her you were 'thinking about' booking a holiday. That's a bit vagie so can understand her not worrying too much about your plans

Because if she's going to spiteful enough to listen to OP's holiday plans then book her own holiday on those dates, without confirming it was even OK for the OP to look after their father during her holiday, then she should be the one to arrange care.

*Vague not vagie!

This if ofren the problem is families one person ends up taking on the bulk of looking after elderly relatives and then are still made to feel guilty if they want a break!

No squirrels, I would sway to saying act now and not think type of person but her friends had a go at me already for saying to her that its unfair she picked that week when she knew we were looking that week and that is OH birthday week and we have saved for two years so maybe she isn't that type of person and I'm wrong for being upset.
Whydontyou, I'm more than happy for dad to stay with us my only issue is its the week we were going.
Shagged I'm not begrudging her an holiday, I'm upset because she knew we wanted that week and she can pick any week not just set weeks. My sister only visits more because she lives 5 minutes down the road, we live an hours travel away and when I finish work I have to pick DD from after school club so dont get home until 6pm. OH works away quite a bit.
Myself and DD visit dad every saturday so do what I can to help then.
She knew the holiday would be around that date because of OH birthday, now it is impossible to go for OH birthday without arranging care, so not really vague.
SIrzy I swear she isn't made to feel guilty for wanting a break its the dates she chosen that are the issue not dad coming her and her going away.

I understand your problem. DSis and I have to juggle DM's care needs alongside our needs to have a life of our own, DSis can't do term time.
What we did as DM's care needs changed significantly was ask for a care assessment via Adult Services. We then arranged carers and respite to take some of the pressure off everybody. You and your sibling and families have needs as well as your DF.

Can you arrange for an in home agency to stop by during the time you will be gone such as visiting nurse or nurse's aide and split costs with your sister?

Perhaps you could find a respite placement.

Thanks for the further replies,
Windgate will look into options regarding assistance on a regular basis.
Regarding the holiday myself and OH have chatted and feel that the way dads health is deteriorating it would be unfair to put him into any temporary place with unfamiliar surroundings so sadly it looks like a much saved for holiday for his birthday will have to be called off. I wouldn't enjoy it knowing neither of us are nearby.

OP you may have already done this but ring social services and ask for a, care assessment for a vulnerable adult. Regardless of the holiday issue it sounds like your dad is in need of some care at home. Perhaps once he has this in place, that week you would both be away he may be able to stay somewhere for respite. If he's deteriorated quickly recently you could end up in a situation where your sister is struggling and SS can't help immediately.

Did you specifically say the dates you were thinking of or just 'the end of term'?

Can't you just go a different time and celebrate his birthday at home.

Specified the date.