To be furious with this situation?

[UterusUterusGhali]

I don't know if I'm being U or if this is normal. I can't tell.

Ex husband has recently got a new job. He used to work weekends and have the DC on weekdays. He's now halved the contact says he sees them (eow) and never takes them to school which has meant I've had to pay for a breakfast club and after school care an extra 3 days a week.

He earns 5 times what I do, but refuses to help with childcare costs.

He is supposed to pay more child maintenance but he's very hit and miss. He resents paying it. I'm looking in to getting it paid directly but the CMS takes a percentage which I resent.

AIBU to be so upset that he's making more money at my expense? The childcare is crippling me. Since he's had his new job we are really struggling.

Agree with PPs about having the maintenance set up officially. Even with fees taken into account at least you know exactly where you stand from month to month.

Unless there's a court order of some sort to say otherwise, he's legally obligated to pay the amount the CMS calculate, and no more, regardless of your costs.

If the contact was court ordered then you could go back to the court. Unfortunately CMS payments are meant to cover everything including child care and sadly you can't make him parent. Go through CMS and take the control away from him. I'm sorry he's putting through this crap.

I think you need to check all your figures (how much CMS he should have paid over the last 6 months, how much he has ACTUALLy paid over the last 6 months, how much extra it will cost him if they collect direct.
And then add up your figures for the extra childcare.
If, for instance, 50% of the extra childcare cost is less than the 20% he'll be charged by CMS then you might find him suddenly willing to cough up!

AIBU though to ask him to pay childcare too? He reckons it should come out of the extra he gives me.

It doesn't matter what he thinks, you can tell him what he has to pay for.

I pay everything for my days; childcare (before + after school), clubs, tutors, sports - anything that falls on my day. Because my ex told me I had to and there was nothing I could do.

Given I pay £400+ a month and have them 50% of the time I'd like her to cover more than just clothing but she wont so that's all there is to it ¯\(ツ)/¯

@DarkDarkNight glad you checked, mine was from memory

Stop panicking. You will not ve switched to UC for adding childcare on. If you google, there are lists showing what changes would mean a UC claim. It is things like moving from a joint or single claim to the opposite. Losing your job and needing to claim for legacy benefits such as income support or housing benefit. Adding childcare will not change a thing.
How expensive are these clubs? We have the same issue here, but the activities are £3 which is really reasonable, although if you have 3 children it does soon add up.

If you changed your working hours, would you be able to just say to him "I'm working these hours now, so you're having the kids" and then he'd need to pay childcare because of a change in your shifts. Would he accept That?
No. He wouldn't. So you don't either.

You agreed contact time. If he wants to work during his time, then he needs to pay the childcare. Tell him that in explicit detail so he understands this is his job. And inform the breakfast club and after school care. Get separate invoices. Don't stand for it. Don't back down. Make things as difficult as possible for him.

The CMS only take a percentage if they have to collect/pass on the money. It costs £20 to get them to check his wage and work out the minimum he should be paying. Then he can send that amount to you by standing order, they review his wage every 12 months to make sure he's paying what he should be. It's called the direct pay option.

"Would he accept That? No. He wouldn't. So you don't either" is all very well but as the NRP all he is legally obligated to do is pay the CMS figure according to how many overnights (or not) he has his children and not a penny more. He doesn't even have to see his DC if he doesn't want to. Unfortunately what he ought to be doing morally is not enforceable.

OP as others have said your best bet is to go via the CMS. They won't order him to help with childcare though costs though.

You can’t make him pay for the clubs. I imagine if contact were court ordered this may perhaps be different. I’m glad you’re going to the CMS. And definitely write down what he hasn’t given you. He should be paying extra now as he’s having your dcs less. And to reflect his pay rise. It sounds as though he’s been underpaying you for a long time.

Do you have a court order for access and maintenance? Because that's your starting point. If he's paying according to a court order you'll probably have to take him back to court to increase it.

Apply today. They will probably make him pay more than he is now, so you shouldn't notice their percentage (I agree it is shitty to do that). Use their calculator.

He should discuss with you but obvs doesn't want to be reasonable

He's not reasonable. At all.
No court order; we're not actually divorced despite being separated for 6 years. I can no way afford that!

It really sticks in the craw. My job was never good as I agreed to focus on his career until he burned out then I'd go back to uni once the dc were bigger. Now my pin-money "little job" is supporting us all and it's not enough.