To be struggling and think its all a bit much or am I overreacting?

[SpudleyLass]

Long time lurker, occasionally comment and first time poster.

To give you a bit of background, I'm a FTM currently on maternity until the end of Feb . I currently work in retail - a job I don't particularly enjoy but took in order to pay the bills. Then I fell pregnant. So its been my goal to get a new job whilst on maternity which I haven't had any luck with unfortunately. My OH and I have been married for just over 3 years and have always had a strong relationship but its now that troubles are really beginning.

We don't really argue but recently I've had to point out (3 times now) that I'm doing the vast majority of the housework (we live with my mum and stepfather) whilst not being the only one who lives here. Even worse to me, is that nobody really acknowledges me doing these jobs either. I understand that they're all working and are going to be tired at the end of the day - but so am I. A thank you at the very least would be much appreciated. AIBU?

We also very recently lost our cat which has really upset OH and I. So that has really added to my (our) misery.

To top it all off, my OH revealed to me last night that he is having a hard time with his job - he frequently finds himself working alone and missing talking to others. This is because he is the only one who works at his company who is licensed to drive the forklift. I really feel for him on this as it a busy time for them. Now its gotten to the point where he is feeling depressed and suicidal. I knew he was struggling but this has left me reeling.

I don't know what to do. It all seems like a lot (to me) in a short space of time. I love him and really want to help, but I don't think I'm equipped to. I've asked him what kind of work he'd like to do instead but he isn't really sure. WIBU to have a quiet word with my MIL about how he is feeling? I'd feel like I'd be betraying his confidence.

I've always felt like a mentally strong person but now I'm starting to feel like Buckaroo. I'm trying to juggle grief, my own job unhappiness with my husband's, ensuring my baby is getting enough of my time and energy and having a home that doesn't look like a bomb site - and now I'm worried about OH.

AIBU to think this is a lot for one person or would it make sense to ask for help?

Didn’t want to read and run OP, what a tough time you’re having. I don’t have a huge amount of wisdom, but I’d be very wary about going to MIL behind his back as that could do more harm than good, and make him feel like he can’t trust you. If it was me in your shoes, I’d get my partner to find a new job first and get settled, then find a new one for myself. I’d probably get another cat, for they bring so much joy! Re the housework, can you have a straight talk with your mum? Explain you’re struggling to do everything, especially whilst trying to find a new job? Hope it all works out ok for you

I would post something very similar to the above poster.
I hope you feel better soon.
Sometimes putting it all down/ saying it out loud helps.

Oh i feel for you its a tough one, personally id help dh find a new job if he is struggling so much and suicidal. Push him along a bit some men need this my dh also.plus sometimes you have to be the stronger one in the relationship no matter how hard to keep the momentum going. I also resent being left with the housework, its such a boring shitty task and you have other people judging like mum etc. Unfortunately to keep the peace id suck it up and continue to both look for a new job, i dont know your financial situation but try and save as much cash to find your own place. Losing the cat has probably knocked you mentally. Its very hard when you have all these factors at work at the same time and it feels like your climbing mount everest. Start small and you will see change. X

This is one of those scenarios that calls for stoicism. Most people go through rough patch. We all have to just carry on regardless.