To be fed up of feeling like the black sheep

[Worthygirl]

I know it’s really not good to post about parents & money as it sounds entitled but I wanted some advice on whether IABU as I feel very fed up.

I don’t have a great relationship with my mother- she is constantly critical of me. But I do feel like the black sheep- my sister has had house deposit & fees paid, wedding paid for and while I know this sounds silly, my mother spend ages making her this really beautiful printed book of all the childhood photos. DS has no children.

I have 2 kids, rent, am not married and have had none of the above. I am massiveky struggling financially but all my mother does is make us clear that she thinks I am a failure & that she is embarrassed of me.

While the financial stuff isn’t great, what was more hurtful was the photo album. It’s like I am not worthy of such things because I am not married.

Aibu - I just feel quite depressed by it all. It’s making me feel like my life isn’t as important.

You’re not being unreasonable at all. She sounds nasty. Why do you have a relationship with her? What does she bring or contribute to your life that is positive? Your kids will soon start picking up on this also. If I were you I would go either very low contact or no contact. I will suggest moving this to relationships.

I'm sorry you feel this way. And I can completely relate. I was treated the same with my own mother. It stopped when I decided that low/no contact was the way to go. It's not an easy process at all and I was able to do it with therapy.

That was what finally brought peace back to me. She no longer has that power to hurt me and that was liberating. Your mother isnt going to change, you just need to decide what you want to do about that.

Thank you both for your comments - I don’t see her very much thankfully but when I do for the sake of my kids, it leaves me feeling very depressed & low

Also, I would never make my child feel shit and the other one the golden child. Ever. Which is why I think it makes me feel even more sick

She sounds awful. Just vicious really.

I would not see her at all. I see a lot of people put up with shit ‘for the sake of the children’ but is it actually doing any good?

Do you want your children to see how second rate they are considered by their own grandmother? How their mum is considered a failure? How upset their mum gets? (And even from an early age children are very perceptive)

Cut her out. She sounds absolutely horrific. Only keep people close who love and value you. I’m so sorry to hear your own mother is like this.

Worthygirl you might find the Stately Homes thread useful. And I agree with the PP who said you should consider whether seeing your mother is really all that good for your children at all.