WIBU in my reply?

[SailAwayWithMeHuni]

I’ve just gone back to work part time after maternity leave and me and DP are booked to go away this weekend with some friends. (Not ideal timing but weekend away was booked ages ago and return to work date was agreed after)

Our dd isn’t well at the moment so dp took the day off work today and mentioned that he wouldn’t go on the weekend away if dd was still unwell.

Tonight we were chatting and dp said he doesn’t want to go away for the weekend anymore as it’ll be a long time that dd will be without one of us. (I work Wednesday’s and Thursdays so we would see dd in then evenings then we go away Friday to Sunday). DP then asked if I’d be angry if he didn’t come. I simply replied no but I’d be disappointed.

Ensue huge row because I said I’d be disappointed. Apparently I shouldn’t have used that word and should have said I’d be pleased he didn’t want to leave our daughter.

Can someone please explain to me exactly what was wrong with my answer because dp really isn’t happy with me right now.

"I simply replied no but I’d be disappointed."

Because you sound like you were annoyed, and that likely came across?

It's not like he's crying off to do something different that he wants to do instead. He's suggesting missing out to look after your poorly child, allowing you to go. Sounds like you could have been more gracious.

What's the alternative?

I guess because your DP is willing to miss out to look after your (joint) child that he was hoping you'd be be pleased about it? Whereas you were looking forward to the weekend?

Could you not reschedule for another weekend as babies can quickly go from being a bit unwell to being very ill OR take your DP up on his offer and go alone?

Maybe it reminded him of the phrase ‘I’m not angry with you, just disappointed’ that parents often say to their kids? If so, it might have felt patronising.

I try to avoid saying the word disappointed for that reason, so instead I might’ve said ‘I’ll be sad that you can’t come’ or words to that effect.

Why dont you want to stay with her?

Curious, not criticising, because I always want to be with mine when they are ill, especially when they were babies. I couldnt imagine going away for the weekend and leaving them ill at home!

Sorry, meant to add that perhaps his anger is at the fact that you didnt think to stay at home with them as much as what you said/how you said it.

did you mean it in the way you were disappointed as in sad he wouldn't be coming
and he took at as the disappointed in HIM that he wouldn't come.

I don’t get it, he wants to stay at home to look after dd who is poorly, and you are disappointed??

I really wasn’t annoyed and there was absolutely no sign of it in my tone. If anything I’m glad he wants to stay with her, it was me saying to dp the other day that I really don’t like that dd is going to be with my sister wed, thur, fri, sat, sun this week that prompted this from dp.

I think I actually said it as I felt I had to, in order to show I cared he wasn’t going to be there anymore. Perhaps I should’ve looked at the bigger picture but to me I just answered his question.

The weekend can’t be rearranged unfortunately. It’s for a friends milestone birthday, large accommodation has been booked and friends who live abroad are coming.

As for why I don’t want to stay with dd whilst she’s poorly, I couldn’t take the day off work for her being poorly as I’ve literally been back one week. Also, I think me and DP have a difference of opinion on how poorly dd actually is. In my head, she’ll be better by the weekend so wasn’t even thinking about the need for us to stay with her.

If you think it’s ok then go, but let him stay to look after her as he thinks he is needed. Don’t punish him for this

Maybe you should ask him why he’s upset?

How old is dd?

I expect your reply 'disappointed' reminds him of a parent/teacher from his past

I took it to mean that you would be disappointed the two of you would not be spending the weekend together not that he was disappointing you.

Will your DSis be prepared to look after your poorly DD for five days?

Why dont you want to stay with her?

Yawn. She has two parents, why default to mum when they are ill?

When mine was a really whiny 3 year old with Chicken Pox, I was not sorry I had a work trip I couldn't cancel. OH and his very patient, ex nurse mum were far better placed to deal with it than I was.

How old is your DD?

It sounds like he wants brownie points for being a 'good parent'.

I suspect he'll change his mind and decide he wants to come on the weekend away.