To think that people who talk about 'narc's all the time...

[Thatwasfast]

are narcissitic themselves?

Listening to a fascinating radio 4 programme about narcissists.
An expert just said he treats lots of women who talk constantly about narcissists, believing many people around them to be them and themselves to be the victim of narcissists. And he said this was a form of narcissistic personality disorder Feeling badly treated by others as you feel you deserve only the best, feeling that of course they chose you as they only go for the best looking/the most giving/the nicest person....
Made me think of mumsnet. No matter what theOP, there's always someone wading in with a ling and complex story about all the narcs in their life, and how they could have been better treated.

I think the guy's right!

Generally, if there’s a common denominator.... it’s you.

I thought a narc was someone who dobs you in to the cops.

I'm listening to that programme too. I thought it was a parody at first!

That's a 'nark' safari

Not that type of narcs, everyone.

No narc is drugs speak for undercover police in America

It's only recently picked up the narcissist meaning in the wider ken

Some people are just chronically unlucky and also sometimes you can seek out adult relationships subconsciously that reflect your relationships with parents.... so I guess if your parents were narcs you could end up bouncing around from narc to narc in adulthood....
But I do think there will be lots of people who are actually the problem themselves...

And I tend to think reality is less black and white than villains and victims all the time... I think quite often it's a case of faults all round. With people simply unable to see how their own flaws might be exacerbating the matter or groups of people unwilling to try and see things from each others perspective.

Is it said narss? I read it as narcotic

I agree, I had the great misfortune to be trolled online by an alleged feminist comedian after I walked out of her awful show. She banged on constantly about being gaslighted, flying monkeys and various other loads of shit she’d cherry picked from the internet. If you’d looked up the dictionary for narcissistic histrionic personality disorder there would have been a picture of her.

I talk about narcs fairly frequently, but only because of recently going NC with my dad. If I'm talking to friends in RL about what has happened then they tend to immediately say 'abuser' or 'manipulator' and we go with that. I think it's only on MN that people tend to know what a narcissist is.

I’ve found the enneagram a far more useful ‘personality describing’ model. Everyone has a type (there are 9) and each type has healthy and unhealthy modes. Some people are therefore stuck in the negative side of their type. But there is the possibility of improvement if you work on it.

There’s certainly crossover with commonly used descriptors like ‘narc’ (unhealthy type 8) or ‘martyr’ (unhealthy type 2), but it gives you so much more info and ideas on why they are that way and how to best deal with them. Every human interaction is two (or more) types trying to get along, so learning what the pitfalls are likely to be between types is helpful. It really focuses on developing your own type, and not on blame or victimhood.

I find this a really unhelpful thing to post because there's two groups of people who talk a lot about narcissistic personality disorder and that's people with NPD, and people who have suffered abuse at the hands of people with NPD (and, having been abused once, have been subsequently spotted and bullied by other narcissists). One of these two groups will take your OP seriously and be put off of taking about NPD and guess what, it won't be the ones who have NPD it'll be their victims.

This is interesting, I'm going to search out the radio program

Any links to the enneagram?

@Skittlesandbeer I've done a fair amount of 'types' like Myers-Briggs etc but haven't heard of enneagram before, off to look it up!

I did the online test this morning and astonishingly I am a 6 which explains my anxiety. I always thought it was the menopause

The ones that allude, constantly to friends, family, colleagues falling out with them - as the poster up the thread said, the common denominator is YOU. You can paint yourself as the victim picture all you like, but that’s just a way to garner sympathy and wheedle a way into the lives of others. But sure as eggs is eggs, within a couple of years they will have manufactured another fallout and moved on. I’m always wary of women who don’t have long term friendships but always have high volumes of drama surrounding others.

So did I @safariboot 😂

Suddenly some threads make a lot more sense!

100%! I dated a guy who was a textbook narcisssist but he was OBSESSED with narcisssists and called himself the narcissist whisperer, diagnosed me with all kind of disorders if I questioned him about his behaviour in any way..diagnosed practically everyone we met or knew with NPD and in fact when I finally fled the relationship and a friend of mine(that he'd never met) had to drop some paperwork back to him on my behalf diagnosed HER as a narcissist within three minutes and chased her down the street screaming. 'narcsissists always stick together!!!'...seriously...if you want to be a decent person there is no harm and it's probably best for your own healing and sanity if you first wonder if there is a possibility you are the one with a problem before labelling everyone around you.