No sex and earphones

[Worzilgummidge]

Sorry if this is pathetic but I'm getting depressed because my dp works long hours and when he about he is settled on his earphones watching something and always complaining of some ailment whether it's a headache, aches and pains etc. I know he suffers from stress and works hard and the earphones are his time to chill but even sex has dwindled and on the occasions it does happen he has a degree of erectile dysfunction so it's not great but he wasn't like this some time ago sex was good a while back. Tonight I met him from work and on the bus back he even has them off and getting off and walking back. he is next to me in bed vaping with them in.
Aibu.

Sorry for grammar he even has them in on bus and walking home.

I don't think your concerns are pathetic at all. Your DP is being spectacularly rude. I wouldn't put up with this from my children - I certainly wouldn't put up with it from my partner/husband/whatever. He's shutting you out because he doesn't want to hear what you have to say. Very very rude.

I don't know newphone

He works 6 days a week alot of commuting should I be letting him have this chill time.

He seems to have let sex go lately.

Sounds like he's a teenager

OP don’t blame yourself - yes he deserves time to chill out but why does that have to have a negative impact on your or your relationship? Have you spoken to him about it?

Sounds like he needs to change job to something less stressful. For the sake of his health and your relationship. Even if it means earning a lot less money.

I have said odd things and he will take them out then look at me as if what u want then he has even jokingly threw them over the room but then it's back to normal.

I can't take the lack of sex and I'm not sure what's going on in that department.

I think you have to sit him down and tell him all of this.

He's utterly stressed out and quite probably as worried as you are that his sex drive appears to have vanished. Work together on this.

I’d be setting some rules about quality time, and holding my hand out for the earbuds. But I’m like that.

I’d expect I’d also be up to me to organise some couple activities (even if it’s just picking a movie/meal beforehand). After a couple of days, I’d be saying ‘Hon, hasn’t this been nice? Can we continue without me having to be ‘Mum’ and confiscating the earbuds?’

If he says no, or goes back to them anyway, I’d be organising my permanent exit from the relationship. If he’s so keen on being alone with his tech, let him do it full time.

By the way, he’s not ‘chillin’, he’s actively avoiding you, your company and showing you a level of disrespect and neglect that most women would find intolerable and cruel.

Keeping earbuds on on a walk home with you is more shocking to me than the sex thing.

I just had a talk with him about the sex and he said he feels bad about and he knows there is a problem he is wondering if it's his antidepressants.

His habit is his earphones. He told me that his brain feels numb like he isn't always functioning properly. I don't think he even realises what he is doing.

It's far too easy to zone out using headphones, also vaping in bed? Whut?

It does sound like maybe a medication review might help though.

Probably not much help, but I would absolutely hate this.
It's so rude. Just sympathy and YANBU.

Antidepressants absolutely KILLED my OH's sex drive. He literally found the whole idea vaguely amusing while he was on them - the thought of him having sex was totally alien to him. So if could definitely be that - talk to him, explain that it's important to you, and ask if he would consider going to see his GP to see if he can try another medication.