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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not be happy for ex's arrangement to go sports training in this way

19 replies

theduchessstill · 21/01/2019 21:05

Ds is 11, nearly 12. He plays cricket for a local team and the training has just restarted. It's on a Tuesday. Ex has always taken him to training and even does some coaching. In the summer when matches are on and the training is on a Friday and matches mainly at the weekend I do my share, but it's an unwritten rule that I can't do much as a full-time teacher. Certainly at this time of year I can't commit to coming out of school at 3.30 to drive to the training. Ex 'works from home' (does fuck all and pays nothing) so I feel no guilt in saying this is his thing - he got ds into it, he loves it and I can't facilitate it.

Ds has just told me that ex will be out of town tomorrow so he has arranged for ds to go to his house from school, wait there until5.30 when the coach will pick him up. They'll go training, and he will be dropped off to ex's empty house at about 7.30 when I will have to go and pick him up (not far, that aspect is ok) then give him tea. I just think going back to an empty house, then training with god knows what snack beforehand is not good enough. I trust the man as in ex and ds have known him for a few years now through the club, but what if he's delayed or something, or he gets there and ds1 is ill? I don't know, just seems shit to me. Just feels like ds would be a bit neglected, though to be fair he is a latch-key kid now anyway. Neither ds nor I have details for this man and ex is ignoring my texts as usual. Ds is perfectly happy with the plan.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Returnofthesmileybar · 21/01/2019 21:08

I'd let him go, you say he is a latch key kid anyway so used to it. I'd pack him a sandwich or something to eat before training and just collect him as arranged

Purpleartichoke · 21/01/2019 21:11

You say he is a latch-key kid so being home alone after school is not new for him. If so, I see nothing wrong with this solution. He can make himself a sandwich before practice and eat while he does his homework.

MsVestibule · 21/01/2019 21:13

It's not ideal, but assuming your DS is quite sensible, I think I'd just go with it, as a one-off. Will he be able to contact you in case of emergency?

Sirzy · 21/01/2019 21:13

I can’t see an issue especially if he is used to being home alone anyway

Fightingfit2019 · 21/01/2019 21:16

Can’t see the issue. As long as he knows to call you if there are any problems.

theduchessstill · 21/01/2019 21:16

Yes, but he's a latchkey kid at mine, which, while it's not a luxurious pad, is warm, clean and comfortable with loads of food in. Ex pretty much lives in squalor, or not far off (I've posted about it before and been told pretty much it's none of my business) and I don't know what food would be in. Also, I think it's different being in alone and relaxing, knowing a parent will be home in an hour or so, to being alone having to get ready to go back out, perhaps not feeling like it (ok he probably will!) be hungry etc. Then perhaps getting anxious if someone is late, but, yes, maybe I'm just pissed off with ex...

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 21/01/2019 21:17

He is nearly 12 going to be on his own til 5:30 and you will be able to get him at 7:30. Presumably his dad has bread he can make himself a sandwich or toast. And if the coach doesn't pick him up he can call you to get him from his dads

BaronessBomburst · 21/01/2019 21:19

You're just pissed off with your ex. Even my 8 year old would cope with that.
Has he got a phone, or could you ring him on the landline to reassure yourself and remind him to grab a snack/ muesli bar?

LIZS · 21/01/2019 21:22

Could you collect him yourself, send a packed tea?

AdaColeman · 21/01/2019 21:25

Why can't the Coach drop DS off at your house at the end of the session? Problem solved?

museumum · 21/01/2019 21:27

I’d let it happen but send him with a packed tea / substantial snack.

CurtainsOpen · 21/01/2019 21:34

A kid in year 6 can surely open a cupboard if he's hungry

theduchessstill · 21/01/2019 21:39

I struggle to believe that most people would be happy with an 8yr old going home to an empty, unclean house, spending 2 hours there alone and then being picked up by someone not especially close to them to do a physical activity maybe not having eaten.

He's in Y7 an of course can open a cupboard, but he can't magic up food if they're empty. Sorry if most dc are able to do that by age 7. Anyway, I'll tell him to get a cooked lunch and then have his packed lunch as an after school snack if needed. I do accept I'm just not happy with ex - he just never puts dc first.

OP posts:
NameChangeNugget · 21/01/2019 21:42

I get your pissed off with your ex but, I’m struggling to see the issue here.

zzzzz · 21/01/2019 21:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HenweeArcher · 21/01/2019 21:45

Just bung him a fiver to grab a meal deal or something on his way over to his dad’s? He’s only going to sit around watching TB for a couple of hours, I don’t think it really matters if his place is tidy!

he just never puts dc first - this seems untrue. He’s made sure DS has a way to get to training, despite not being available for the evening.

Gottalovesummer · 21/01/2019 21:46

I'd let him go, but totally understand why you're not happy. I wouldn't be either. Just wanted to be a voice of solidarity with you.

RitaConnors · 21/01/2019 21:46

Are there any shops he can go to between school and his dad's house?

Inertia · 21/01/2019 22:55

How far away is your house from Ex's?

Wouldn't it make more sense for DS to go to your house from school, you could arrange to leave something microwavable in the fridge for him, then coach can pick up and drop off to your house, by which time you'll presumably be home?

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