I just don't know how much longer I can keep going. Everything is a mess, I've had 2 breakdowns this year, have bipolar where I had a manic episode 6 moths ago and am still in the depression stage. I have now been given lithium and It's making me feel so so sick. I've also had a virus for 4 weeks that isn't shifting. I'm on so many pills that's I'm not really sure how I'm awake. I hardly go out, I spend most days on the sofa or in bed because I'm too depressed to leave. My children have had to go to their dads while I get better- I've not seen them in 2.5 weeks and I miss them so much. I have problems with drinking but am getting help with that. I have a nurse, excellent GP, supportive parents but I feel so hopeless. I've been ill for so long, I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm starting to feel really, really angry. What did I do to deserve all this shit? I want the kids home but I can't look after them, I want to be better but I have 0 motivation to do anything. I've tried meditation, sleeping, walking, reading lots of books on drinking and bipolar etc and i am feeling worse not better. Everyone keeps asking me what I need and I don't know!! I'm not the expert, I'm having suicidal thoughts but I don't want to tell anyone because it causes more issues than it's worth. I'm exhausted, fed up and I'm just existing, living each day in pain waiting for it to end hoping the next day will be better but it never is. I just don't know what to do anymore 😢