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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to accept this at work ?

13 replies

Menta1elf · 21/01/2019 17:45

Hi all, been a lurker for a while, posted yesterday but realised my username was a bit close to my real name. Thanks to the couple of replies I received but was not able to respond to...

Anyway...I work for a well known mental health charity and have done for many years, My work, as far as I am aware is without fault, I've been a manager and I am multi qualified. My new Manager, who was until recently my level, has thrown himself in the the job. Before Xmas, I questioned by email an operational decision that would impact on my work, that I found out from a colleague and not my Manager. As a result of this query I was hauled into a meeting where my mental health was questioned and he repeatedly called me 'Paranoid' and suggested I needed help.

I was angry, speechless, then found my voice and told him exactly what I thought of him and that the use of such language is discrimatory, abusive and unacceptable in the workplace. His response was, ' what other word should I use then ' ?

I do have a mental health problem (anxiety and an adjustment disorder) but my time off work for that has been non existent.

Had he said to me, your email is a bit curt and let's discuss it then I would have been fine with that but it got worse... I was then accused of saying and doing things that have affected other colleague's mental health to the extent of them having to have time off work... when asked who, when, where etc, the one colleague then became 2, then 3, then back to one again, and allegedly the incident at a time when I was off sick. I was presented with a copy of the Employee Handbook and asked to read a section about boundaries and managing relationships with colleagues.

I was completely dumfounded by these allegations so fired off a grievance to HR the next day. I was then off sick for a number of weeks with a serious physical health condition and the grievance was put on hold. Came back to work after Xmas to yet more meetings where my attendance at different places or work has been questioned, petty, ridiculous stuff about Social Media (not visible to anyone I work with, used to be friends with my Manager but he deleted me weeks ago, and actually my username is under a pseudonym) and god knows what else.

I have worked for this organisation for many years and I don't know if this goes on in the big wide world, any advice taken, including Woman The Fuck Up...

OP posts:
LuckyLou7 · 21/01/2019 18:09

Is any of what you have been accused of, remotely true? Even under a pseudonym, if you have been posting defamatory comments about the workplace and/or colleagues, on social media, it could cause problems for you.

It does sound, on the face of it, that you are being 'picked on' (for want of a better turn of phrase) by your manager for daring to query the operational changes proposed.

PoutySprout · 21/01/2019 18:14

Ask admin to move this to employment issues. This is way bigger than most AIBU readers can advise on.

Twickerhun · 21/01/2019 18:18

Are they perusing the grievance? Would you consider mediation? Sounds like you need a major intervention

Menta1elf · 21/01/2019 18:20

HI luckyLou... absolutely not, in anyway. I am 100% honest and dilligent my work and in fact have raised issues about other people who would disappear during the day and claim they were working.

Part of the issue is that I was off sick for about 40 days all told over the past year, and during that time there was no cover on the site I was working on for 2 days a week, despite me telling Management that they needed to have a back up for me whilst i was on leave etc.

The recipient of my services then complained about not having the service they were paying for ( at another site as well, one ex employee visited for 2 hours a week if that) and quite rightly in my opinion. Since then, I feel I have been made a scapegoat for a resource issue that should have been adressed by Management.

OP posts:
Menta1elf · 21/01/2019 18:23

Also wanted to say that I have never, ever posted anything defamatory about my work, employer, any person connected with my employer or have even linked myself to my employer. What the Manager was complaining about was my strapline into on my FB, which wasn't even about work, and in no way could cause offence to anyone. She decided to make a point about it and asked me to change it, which I don't feel I should.

OP posts:
PoutySprout · 21/01/2019 18:25

What’s the strap line?

Timeforabiscuit · 21/01/2019 18:26

I think you need proper legal advice, have they provided anything in writing?

My only advice would be to keep a timeline and record of events (meetings conversations), minute everything and have an independent representative at any meetings in additon to hr.

This doesnt sound like a woman up situation in anyway.

I would also very quietly find out if this new senior manager has form for this elsewhere in previous organisations.

Aaaahfuck · 21/01/2019 18:26

Do you work for Mind? I have experience of working with rather than for various branches. I have had loads of negative experience with staff being unprofessional and almost unhinged.

Menta1elf · 21/01/2019 18:29

Hi, yes I have asked them to continue with the grievance as originally started, but have also stated that I now wish to add other issues. Big Manager is now suggesting Formal Mediation after I queried our TOIL policy. I asked for an hour back after working 2 hours over my normal working hours, was told by my Manager, in an email yes that was fine. Then I was over again due to a late meeting last Thursday, ( I am based at home and travel is from Home to Home, 9 - 5) and asked to take that hour back as well but this time I was told it had to be recorded on a form, sent in for approval and could only be taken at a later date It seems one Manager says one thing and his Manager says something else... I honestly don't know whether I am coming or going. Having spoken to a few of my Home Based colleagues, they are not being subjected to this at all and work flexibly without recording overs or unders in our work day.

OP posts:
Menta1elf · 21/01/2019 18:32

Yes, 3 colleague have been subjected to this...one did a settlement agrement, one was literally broken and resigned....

OP posts:
Menta1elf · 21/01/2019 18:33

I'd rather not say on here as I don't anyone going hunting for it but it's just a witty description of someone who is paid to do a particular job

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Menta1elf · 21/01/2019 19:08

AaaaahFuck, no I don't but I have also heard this as well. Seems to be systemic in 'the industry' sadly

OP posts:
Aaaahfuck · 21/01/2019 22:37

Yes I think it is to some extent based on my experience in this line of work and my partners. We now both do something different...
I think you need legal and union advice. It sounds like they are looking for stuff to pick at.

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