To decline health visitor involvement, will they refer to social services?

[crackasmile]

Pregnant with dc3

Dc1 had fantastic experience with the health visitors

Dc2 was injured at birth, we were directed to health visitors by gp who had concerns many times as they do paeds referrals here, they don't come from GP.
Without the massive story, we were fobbed off for nearly 2 years by the same woman who admitted her concerns and documented them. Told us she had referred to paeds and that it would be a 40 week wait. A few months later I called to chase and she had never actually referred us, we were promised she would call but she blanked our calls and made no contact.
I put in a complaint to the service at which point she lied and said she never told us she was doing a referral. Dh & I are both livid as she said it in our home to both of us and the complaints process takes 45 working days, at the end of which she just got to lie and dc2 still had no referral.
No thanks to this woman and a massive delay in her care she has been seen privately, she has cerebral palsy & is visually impaired. As we thought. This lady had so many chances to advocate for my daughter and refer her for care and she chose to lie so many times instead. I feel I can't trust them with this baby now and don't want any involvement because what's the point if they would rather lie than prioritise getting help for a child that needs it.

I've had a letter to say health visitors coming round this week. I'd like to very politely decline any involvement but I'm worried they may refer us to SS for neglect or something by declining.

Does anybody have experience?

I have declined HV input. I had a call from the ‘team leader’ who asked why. I politely and clearly answered with my reasons. She tried to negotiate, I still declined. She said OK. Nothing further. It was several months ago now.

With my first I literally answered the door, was very polite, didn’t let them in (didn’t block them from entering but spoke to them over the doorstep), and said ‘thank you for calling but we’re fine. I appreciate your coming out, but we’re not in need of your services. Do say if you’d like my GP details or anything?’

Ie being very cooperative but quite firm (I knew they would have my GP details anyway but wanted to be very open and ‘bright and breezy’ with them). Second DD I can’t recall exactly, but we did not engage, as per DD1.

OMG I had no idea we could opt out!!!! I fucking HATE my HV!!!!!!!!!!!

Thats the thing, they never tell you that its optional and you dont have to see them. They make it seem like you do.

@PlainSpeakingStraightTalking

Maybe from bitter experience? Not made up at all

All it takes is one phone call to children's services and you have to deal with being "questioned" about your Lack of engagement with "healthcare"
Eg. Because SS are involved you are no longer "allowed" to "opt out" without them throwing "safeguarding" around even if the concern they were called about is unfounded

Likewise we are "allowed" to opt out of immunisations or choose to delay them, unless SS are involved in which case (you guessed it) "safeguarding concerns" are raised

So yes in theory these things are optional and you can have as little or as much as you want of them, but in practice SS can be a royal pain in the arse

I won't be going to any more HV appointments and won't be having involvement next time around.

I clearly had PTSD after the birth and was trying to ask for help and she ticked that she had done a mental health assessment (no she hadn't) and that she had no concerns. I have no use for their services and it will just upset me to engage with them. I will ask the GP for help if I need it. But I probably won't since the GP was probably worse and let me and my child down down even more.

I agree @bumblebee

Had an amazing hv with first two dc, but she moved and so when third was born we got one who is a total wet lettuce. Absolutely no use. I would see who you get personally as I loved our first one she helped me.

HV here. We're not all odd I don't mind if families opt-out, no skin off my nose. If I have any concerns or if any have been reported I just check with social services to see if they're open to them or not, or ever been open then just document their reason for opting out.

I have had 2 families recently ask to opt-out due to past experience, I asked if I could go round just once for primary birth visit and after that they requested I go back in, and they've been lovely ever since and thanked me for showing them HVs can be different. I didn't pester them I just apologised for their past experiences and explained I wanted to be their advocate but ultimately it was their choice which I respected.

You may be pleasantly surprised. Your precious HV sounds absolutely atrocious.

I hope all the people who had awful experiences are reporting them

Your one off, might be the last straw of complaints. So do complain if they are bad, because they will be consistently bad.

I wouldn't decline a whole service due to one bad apple. Of course you have the right to decline though.

I was very suspicious of HV before I had my first DC. I had so much trouble getting pregnant in the first place and then had a very traumatic pregnancy and birth where I nearly lost him several times. My biggest fear was having some false allegation made about me and then a referral to SS. I was so nervous on the day of the first visit but I’ve had nothing but positive experiences with both children. I did feel a bit worried about what kind of mum they thought I was and it does feel a bit invasive having a stranger come into your home. They are there to help and the vast majority do a good job. Unfortunately the service is becoming increasingly overstretched and there’s always going to be a few bad apples who do a lot of damage to the overall reputation of the service. Why don’t you have one visit and see how you get on with them OP? It might give you another chance to discuss what happened first time around and then if you don’t like them you can always ask for someone else/ decline any further visits

Previous not precious sorry

Oooooooo OP I had a very similar experience with my HV for DS.

My HV failed to refer to audiology and SALT like she promised. Failed to come back after 3 months like she said she would when my DS failed his 2 year check. Failed to respond to concerns about my DS's development raised by my childminder.

And then had the AUDACITY to ring the childminder to check up on ME.

DS was eventually referred to paediatrician by my lovely GP, and diagnosed with ASD just after his 3rd birthday. She offered absolutely no support, and my god I could have done with some.

Then I had a random phonecall from her just before he was about to start school, saying she needed to do a visit before he was handed to school nurse. I very politely told her to shove it.

I refused midwife care with ds2.
I refused hv and basically anyone who didn’t have a solid medical reason to see us. The first tim around left so many mental scars I don’t deal well with nosey nhs hv/midwives/nursery nurses etc. I actually avoid them like the plague.
I’ve never has ss even ring me, so no investigation will be triggered.

I'm a social worker. Social services wouldn't be one bit interested in a family who had declined HV involvement if there were no other concerns.

I would probably decline HV involvement myself if I had another DC, except for the development reviews. My HV was rude, patronising and also shit. And she came round with a bug when my DC was about a week old.

Unless it's the same one, then what have you got to lose - just see how she is before rejecting her?