11 yo ds and rude/sexually explicit emails.

[PeppermintPasty]

Hello. I haven't been on in a while .

Can I please have a quick MN verdict on the following:-

I'm not at all shockable or any kind of delicate flower in any way, so I don't know whether to be concerned about this or just shrug my shoulders.

So, 11 yo ds got an iPad for Christmas. Not mad keen on this, but I compromised. He's not getting a phone just yet (my choice) and he actually chose to have an iPad rather than a phone anyway.

He adds his friends, and of course I know his passcode etc. All fine really except this girl in his class, clearly a friend, is sending him very explicit memes and texts about sex (NOT directed at him/about him, and not bullying or nasty or anything like that).

They are pretty gross, the type adults or older kids might send if they are a bit pathetic. Not even witty which upsets me the most ;-)

Talking on the texts about dildos and taking it up the arse and so on (writing this out makes my question seem laughable), but he is only 11, and he's just an average boy. If I got a text like it I would think the (adult) sender was a twat with questionable politics.

He has said one or two things back, but nothing on that level. I get the feeling he's not sure what to say.

Shall I talk to him about it or is that ridiculous and is the best thing to do to ignore it?

I'm asking as Year 7 stuff is new territory for me.

Thanks.

Its is bullying imo. Speak to school. We reported similar a few years ago.

Talk to school, tell them no names, but your worried these pictures are doing the rounds...
Bet the 11 years have to have an assembly on it next week...

I would definitely raise this with the school. I would be very concerned about any 11 year old girl making jokes about such adult content, and think this would warrant some kind of safeguarding investigation.

I think I'd tell him to let his friends know that his mum reads all his messages and so they need to watch what they say..

Speak to your DS about how these sort of messages are not acceptable.

Block the girl.

Speak to the school.

I would be very concerned about any 11 year old girl making jokes about such adult content, and think this would warrant some kind of safeguarding investigation.

This. Tbh I’d be quite worried about how the girl has been exposed to it. And I think you should talk to your son from the perspective of ‘gosh isn’t this all a bit pathetic. Are you happy to ask her to stop or would you rather just block her/ warn her your mum reads your messages?’

Yep, agree with crispy I would be naming names to the school, because 11 year old girls don't come across those sort of memes by chance. Someone, possibly someone older, will be sending them to her, and that could have a dodgy motive (ie. grooming).

Agree with PPs - I'm concerned for the girl's welfare. Report to school but also Social Care. They could already be aware of her and this could be another piece of her safeguarding jigsaw.

I would go berserk if either my 11 yr old, or my 13 yr old got messages like this. And I would name names. If I was that girls parent, I’d want to know.

When I reported to the school I named the boy. Teachers aren't psychic!!

I wouldn’t want my child being exposed to that so I’d block it tbh. Would prob also mention it to the school because she clearly knows too much for her age for whatever reason.
I have a dc the same age and monitor their phone and even the ‘naughty’ kids don’t talk like that!

Thanks so much everyone. I’ll have to come back properly later as having trouble with the internet where I am.

Last time I witnessed something with a child effing and jeffing over messenger, i typed a reply to say this is X's mum and your language is foul so unless you want me to turn up on your doorstep and show your parents your latest contribution, i suggest it stops right now. It did.
As this is of a worrying and extreme sexual nature, I would be reporting it to the school safeguarding officer and blocking the child. I would also be speaking to my child about handling unwanted and inappropriate material.

My ds received a massively pornographic photo over email when he was about 10. I was so horrified that he’d seen an image like this at that age.

Like the PP I messaged him back saying it was C’s mum and were his parents aware he had sent this? I understand he was terrified and it never happened again.

In fact I didn’t tell his parents because they were very strict and I thought giving him a fright was bad enough.

But your son shouldn’t be getting this sort of email either and I agree it could be a possible red flag for an abused child so I would contact the school and ask them to look into it.

my god, at 11? I have an 11 year old, none, and I mean none, of his friends talk like this and nor does he! I think if anything you are taking this way too calmly! is this really normal at 11?

I asked my lad what his opinion was and he said that your son should ask her to stop as it is inappropriate. He said that in high school kids listen more to their peers than an adult. He also pointed out that there could be a huge peer falling out if someone grasses on another.
I have to say that this is completely the opposite to what I think as an adult.
Interesting view though.

Sending sexually explicit photos or content is now illegal, as is storing it in a device.
Go to the school with the iPad. They will deal with it correctly.

Block the child on the messaging service so she can't send any more, screenshot and email to yourself then report it all to the school.

As PP said, screenshot and report to school.

This is becoming a massive problem with younger and younger year groups. At my secondary school Year 7s are currently the worst offenders.

My DD 11 had a friend at school who was talking porn and passing him porn site addresses. Advice on here was to phone NSPCC as there was concern the other child may have been exposed to things via home life etc. NSPCC were great, listened to everything and decided to just chat to the mum about how to adjust her internet settings. No one knew I'd started the ball rolling and my son no longer gets porn tips!

DD = DS obvs

Wowsers, I'm glad I came on here. I wondered if I was overreacting in some over the top new-Year-7-parent way, whilst simultaneously thinking 'this is not normal'.

Thanks, I confess I hadn't thought of safeguarding issues for the girl, I will be speaking to the head of Year 7 tomorrow.

I've just spoken with my ds. I was a bloody model of calm, and I did indeed feel very calm. He was mortified and very very tearful, almost hysterical. He was blaming himself, but it did all come from her except one disappointing moment when he used the word 'gay' to her in the pejorative sense. He was crushed when I pulled him up on that, and reminded him that in primary school he actually told his friends to stop using gay in that way (two of his after school carers are gay, two of our best friends, he absolutely loves them and totally understands the issue).

He also asked her if something was a dildo (big deal) but it was all reacting to her memes and comments, if you see what I mean.

Thank s very much for replying. No one else to talk to about it really, so much appreciated.

So, just to come back, school are treating it as a safeguarding issue re the girl, and are pleased that I reported it to them. They will be having a word as appropriate. I'm not necessarily expecting any further feedback particularly as I told the year head that I'd dealt with my ds.

Thanks again.

www.ceop.police.uk/ceop-reporting/

www.thinkuknow.co.uk/

Good to know that the school are treating like the safeguarding issue it is. The two links above from CEOPS might be useful.

Great news. I hadn't thought of safeguarding either till I posted my problem on MN.