To think "supported living" is not meeting his needs

[Inaboatwithoutapaddle247]

I'm absolutely breaking my heart over this as I never imagined I would ever be in this position.

Adult supported living just isn't meeting his needs.
He is in a house (fully staffed day and night) with three other residents all of who are lot more independent than he is.
He is expected to do small chores/ tasks for himself but due to the high level of dependency he has he is unable to do this (just to give you an idea, he functions in the mental capacity of a one year old. He is completely non verbal and doesn't understand any language neither verbal or sign. He is not even at the scribbling or playing with toys stage. He doesn't have a clue how to use a pen and spends his time shaking a baby's rattle).
For example when they took him to the sink to wash the dishes, he simply splashed in the water as that is the developmental stage he is at.

My personal feeling is that he has been wrongly placed.
The others are all able to do their own chores and all have some level of speech and understanding.
He has been there four months and in that time he has been to A&E three times, all for incidents of swallowing something he shouldn't have done (foreign objects and a plant from their garden).
He has been assessed as needing one to one support at all times (2-to-1 when in the community) but he is currently not getting that level of supervision.
They don't take him out as the don't have the staffing levels.
He has no sense of danger at all (doesn't know the difference between road and pavement or a swimming pool and a lake etc).
He is just pacing the floor and seems so "lost" and confused.
He looks me in the eyes as though he is asking me to get him out of there and it's just heartbreaking.

The front door is supposed to be locked and fitted with an alarm as it leads onto a busy road, but this has stopped happening now.
I have spoken to his social worker and the manager about this many times and they agree it is supposed to be locked and say they will "look into it" but it still remains unlocked with the alarm disconnected.

I feel he would be safer and happier in full residential care.
There is a Home close to me that looks lovely and seems to tick all the right boxes and I have arranged to view it.
However, the social worker is insisting they won't fund it and won't even consider it.

I don't know where to go from here or who to turn to next.
I feel completely alone with it.
He doesn't have much quality in life and has missed out on so much, but I want to make his life as happy, safe and fulfilling as it possibly can be.

I never imagined that I would ever be in this position with my son.
He's just 19 and should have been at the prime of his life.
I have to stay strong for my three younger children.

I'm wondering now if there is any point in me viewing the Home I have my heart set on for him if there is zero chance of getting funding for him to go there (I should add that I stated that I didn't feel supported living would be enough to meet his needs from the start but they wouldn't consider any other options due to funding issues).

Maybe take legal advice from a specialist solicitor?

I'm sorry this is what's happening, and you are right, it sounds as though he needs a different setting.

It’s clearly not safe, can he not come back home. At 19 he is still entitled to education until 25.

Do you know the cost difference between the care home and the supported living? Is it possible for you to meet this cost (I appreciate it may not be)?

Do you have a helpful MP? Unfortunately it's likely that this does come down to cost, and due to all the cuts in social care people are being given inappropriate placements.

OP, my brother is in supported living and although our situation is a bit different to the one you describe, we’re suffering too. Someone, who went on to embezzle company funds, signed a contract with a housing association that the care provider cannot fulfill- it’s too expensive. My brother and his three housemates, one of whom has your son’s level of development, are likely going to be homeless at the end of March. Endless hmming and haaing from everyone involved, empassioned letters from parents, angry phone calls, and not jackshit actually being resolved. It’s infuriating. Maybe if some of the council workers’ families had to live in these places, something would change.

But anyway, this is about your situation, not mine. Just wanted to say- solidarity. You’re definitely NOT alone. Do go and see the other home, speak with them re funding. Do you have any other contacts, from respite care/school/etc who may be able to help you fight for that funding?

Feel free to PM me, by the way.

I'd suggest contacting one of the specialist charities such as mencap, or national autistic society for advice on how to proceed.
Issues such as leaving the front door unlocked are a safeguarding issue. And 3 a&e admissions means that he is already suffering harm from the placements inability to maintain his safety.
Ask the manager for their complaints procedure as well. This sort of poor care is unacceptable.

Yadnbu, shockingly neglectful
Appeal. See your MP. So sorry you are in this awful position. Any chance he can come home while you fight this?