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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask DP to sleep in the spare room

22 replies

TooShyShy245 · 20/01/2019 20:41

We have a 3 month old baby who is EBF. My partner snores, loudly, has done for years, and for a while he's slept in the spare bed (single) next door while I've had the king size in our bedroom with the baby in a cot while I am up frequently through the night with as he's a rubbish sleeper and only I can feed him (pretty sure partner wouldn't do night feeds even if I did express, nor do I expect him to while I'm on maternity leave). This arrangement I thought was working ok, but partner announces tonight we should take in turns to sleep next door and share turns in the king size. This has really annoyed me - he says he can't sleep in a single bed, I've suggested getting a bigger spare bed. AIBU to ask him to sleep next door? I can understand where he's coming from as I guess if he really can't sleep in there then he's having a tough time, but equally I can't sleep with him in the same bed, I have tried several times but every time I'm woken by him snoring and then find myself awake, worked up and waiting for the baby to wake up. I am up with our DD3 every morning while he sleeps til whenever he chooses, bar the odd morning (think 1 in 10) where he gets up with DD3 and I have a lie-in with the baby. I've said that I have to sleep in the same room as the baby, and his cot is in our bedroom. Should I move the cot to the spare room? But then on bad nights, I bring the baby into bed with me and co-sleep to save getting up and falling asleep in the feeding chair while breastfeeding, So I'd need to get a bigger bed in the spare room to do this safely. So if that's the road we're going down, why do I have to arrange this? Surely it's him that should be sorting out another bed etc when it's him that snores and is the main reason we don't share a bed. So annoyed. Is it just because I'm tired and motherhood seems pretty fucking relentless at the moment. Or AIBU. Sorry for the rant.

OP posts:

Hopoindown31 · 20/01/2019 21:06

Is he seeking or has he sought any solution to the snoring?

Original poster

TooShyShy245 · 20/01/2019 21:09

he still smokes, but does want to stop. he went to gp years ago but hasn't since. by his own admission he wakes himself up by his snoring. maybe i should push him to going to see gp again as it sounds like it's sleep apnoea.

OP posts:

Laiste · 20/01/2019 21:12

My partner snores, loudly, has done for years

pretty sure partner wouldn't do night feeds even if I did express, nor do I expect him to while I'm on maternity leave

I am up with our DD3 every morning while he sleeps til whenever he chooses

He stays in the spare room and sorts a bigger bed out for himself if he wants it.

HouseOfGoldandBones · 20/01/2019 21:15

The agreement has to be surely, that whoever is in the bedroom that is set up for night feeds does the night feeds.

adriano007 · 20/01/2019 21:15

- you are doing a wonderful job!
- it might help? (it works for me when I am frustrated...)
Sorry but I haven`t been in your situation, I hope some wise mumsnetters can share their wisdom.

Laiste · 20/01/2019 21:15

''partner announces tonight we should take in turns to sleep next door and share turns in the king size''

Even though you do all the night feeds? He's happy to bung you into a single bed while he snores all night and has lie in's in the Kingsize?

Someone needs to tell himhe's being a cunt put him straight.

Absofrigginlootly · 20/01/2019 21:15

If he smokes he shouldn’t be sharing a room with the baby it increases the risk of sids massively.

To be fair having a smoker in the house full stop does but no he is being a selfish arse and should sort out his snoring/sleep apnoea if he wants a better nights sleep.

The safest sleep environment for the baby is the priority

user1474894224 · 20/01/2019 21:21

YANBU. He needs to make it work in the spare room.

LeSquigh · 20/01/2019 21:30

So he can sleep in half a king size bed when he’s in it with you but can’t cope with the same amount of space in a single bed? He’s talking bollocks and being very VERY selfish!

Outnotdown · 20/01/2019 21:42

Honestly, I usually try to give a balanced response, but in this instance.....tell him to fuck off

What a selfish gobshite

burritofan · 20/01/2019 21:58

Sorry, but why can't he sleep in a single bed? Unless he's a giant or it's a child-sized bed, of course he can, he just doesn't want to. Tough; your needs & the baby's take priority right now.

(And since he snores it's very easy to tell whether he is sleeping in there or wide awake, tossing and turning and desperate for the comforts of a king size bed )

CharltonLido73 · 20/01/2019 22:27

When we had our second child I slept in the spare room with the baby for ease of night-feeding, but both rooms had a double bed so there was no issue.

My husband used to get in from work at 8pm and I'd go to bed. He'd feed baby and put her in her cot at midnight. That way, when she woke in the early hours I'd already had roughly six / seven hours sleep. He in turn slept from midnight until 7am when he got up for work.
It was a tough regime, but it meant that we both got just about enough sleep to keep us going in those early months.

I would go with the getting a bigger bed for the spare room, and getting him to support you with the feeding so that you can get some better quality sleep. He does sound particularly self-centred.

Crunchymum · 20/01/2019 22:30

Why doesn't he get up in the morning???

SurfingGiantess · 20/01/2019 22:38

We have a 10 week old breastfed baby. I get out bed with baby and he sleeps in the other room. Purely because he's got work and doesn't want to be woken by baby. I'm totally fine with this but if I do nights I get out big bed. Simple.
I do express and he does the 10pm feed most nights unless baby is clusterfeeding.
I would have laughed at his suggestion. He can sort himself a bigger bed if it's that important! Ridiculous! He must be very big

Fifthtimelucky · 20/01/2019 23:08

How tall are you both? When we were in a similar position, I slept in my daughter's room, which had a single bed and cot. My husband is 6'3 and he was much more comfortable in our double bed.

I never got up and sat in a chair to feed. Just pulled my daughter into bed with me and then put her back. I'm not exactly slim, but there was plenty of room in a single bed for me and a baby (bed was against the wall on one side, so when she was in with me, I could lie right by the wall without worrying about falling out, and she'd be safely in the middle.

Singlenotsingle · 20/01/2019 23:11

Massively selfish. Tell him to get a bigger bed for the spare room for HIM to sleep in!

ILoveChristmasLights · 20/01/2019 23:14

Selfish twat.

You stay put!

Tell him he can stay in the spare room until he stops smoking and stops snoring, so if he’s not comfortable in that bed either he sorts those things out or buys a more comfortable bed.

I’m unsure how he got the opportunity to get you pregnant again.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 20/01/2019 23:23

Why can't he get up and help? Does he work lates?

Daffodil2018 · 20/01/2019 23:34

We’ve got exactly the same set-up as you OP. I sleep in our king size bed with the baby and my DH sleeps in a single bed next door. I don’t think he would dare complain as he sees me walking round like a zombie from tiredness! The snoring would make it a no brainer for me. Stick to your guns. He can buy a new bed if it’s bothering him.

StreetwiseHercules · 20/01/2019 23:36

This guy needs a reality check.

Babysgotyoureyes · 20/01/2019 23:43

He can't sleep in a single bed?.... What about you? You're not exactly getting a lot of sleep either at the minute as you are breastfeeding a new born. He sounds like a selfish, inconsiderate twat that needs to grow up.

Original poster

TooShyShy245 · 20/01/2019 23:44

ok Sorry to drip feed - he works from home, he's of normal height and to be fair he does usually sleep next door and he does his fair share of parenting with DD3 especially with bath and bedtime, so I don't mind him not getting up in the mornings while I'm on mat leave. However I do think I will speak to him tomorrow, i just need to nip this in the bud and he needs to sort out a bed he's happy with. Thanks for everyone's replies.

OP posts:

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