AIBU to throw in the towel already?

[crazycatlady5]

Posting for traffic.

My 23 month old has just started settling in sessions at nursery (she’ll be doing 3 mornings per week) and they’re not going well.

1)The first time I stayed for the hour and she wasn’t interested at all in where I was.
2)The second time I said goodbye and left for an hour and she didn’t look for me. Since then it hasn’t been going well.
3) Third time I took her in, said goodbye to leave for an hour but they had to call me 5 minutes later and said she was really very inconsolable and couldn’t be calmed down. When I arrived to get her she was sobbing and so stressed.
4) Fourth session I stayed with her for the hour but even then she just looked really miserable and kept looking for me.
5) Fifth one I stayed for 30 mins and then left for 30 mins, when I got back they said she’d been upset pretty much the whole time :( I really don’t know what to do but I have already started full time work (from home) and I’m currently just getting by with her watching TV while I work which makes me feel dreadful. I feel guilty and awful either way but need this to work and I don’t love the idea of now looking for other options (childminder) as feel we’ll have to start all over again.

Any words of wisdom?

It's horrible, isn't it? My DD has been at nursery for 4 months and was not at all herself for the first two of them - she didnt eat as much and only slept for short periods. We sent her in with her favourite stuffed toy every day and DP and I talked to her about nursery and the nursery workers when she was at home with us.

She still cries every time I drop her off, which breaks my heart. But I can hear that she's stopped by the time I get to the front door now. She barely asks for her stuffed toy anymore and she's eating loads. Sleep could be better, but it's a lot better than it used to be.

I really feel for you, but unless you have any concerns about the nursery itself, stick with it. If she's not settled within a few months, maybe look at alternatives like a childminder?

The way I see it, it means you've built an excellent bond with your little one and she prefers to be with you than with anyone else (and I'm not saying that those babies who don't cry don't have this, before anyone has a go, but you've gotta tell yourself something to get through the trauma of bad nursery settling!)

We had a similar settling session with my son in nursery. I was on the verge of giving up & they asked if someone else could bring him in.
My mum started taking him in & he settled just fine after that.
If that’s not an option, hang in there. Speak to nursery & see if they have any suggestions.
Good luck

Can she go every day for a few weeks building up from being left for 10 minutes at a time?

I was going to suggest trying with someone else taking her. It might just break the cycle.

That’s interesting I hadn’t thought of Someone else taking her - my husband can’t as the settle sessions are mid afternoon when he’s at work but perhaps the in laws 🤔 worth a thought for sure

I have no advice, just empathy. My son didn’t settle at all at pre-school around the same age. I tried but we didn’t HAVE to send him so I stopped and waited until the school nursery place was available. He settled quickly there.

Is there a CM you could try who doesn’t have lots of kids during the day? The home atmosphere might suit your DC better.

It’s really hard - I found it nearly impossible.