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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is selfish

24 replies

MrsMaker88 · 20/01/2019 14:11

Ffs.... not the first time this has happened.

DH leaving the house in a big jumper. Taking DD out in a frigging long sleeved t shirt and she’s saying she is cold.

His answer - well we are going in the car so..

Wtf?!?! Isn’t this a parenting BASIC?!?!

I’ve just washed their coats but all he needed to do was fetch a bloody extra top and fleece????

THEN I realise he doesn’t have her car seat as he wants to take his car and would have to get it out of mine... she is 5.

She says she wants me to come to make sure they get something to eat.

Totally can’t get my head around it. He’s got them up and dressed and breakfasted and generally helped in other ways (he’s been away for a few days) but then this.

Fuming and totally baffled at this lack of basic care. AIBU??

OP posts:
CoughLaughFart · 20/01/2019 14:14

A five year-old wanted you to come to make sure she got something to eat?!

Pachyderm1 · 20/01/2019 14:15

Are you saying he doesn’t even remember to feed her if you’re not there?

I would be losing my absolute shit over this

Sexnotgender · 20/01/2019 14:16

Sounds like he doesn’t feed her when they’re outConfused

I’d be investigating that little nugget further.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 20/01/2019 14:17

Are you saying you are with a man who doesn’t feed his kids while out and about unless you are there’s to remind him?

PookieDo · 20/01/2019 14:18

My ex is bad with food. He doesn’t believe in snacks and doesn’t understand portion sizes for a long time would buy 1 sandwich pack for them to share 1 each. Or like share a banana or a bag of crisps. Drove me mad

OnceInARedMoon · 20/01/2019 14:20

He's not feeding her? 😱

Ijustwanttofeelbeautiful · 20/01/2019 14:21

So he’s taking a 5 year old out in 1 degree without a coat, without a car seat, and possibly without feeding her?!

Is he some kind of idiot?

What are you doing about this, op?

Original poster
MrsMaker88 · 20/01/2019 14:23

She’s never mentioned not getting food and they are never really out at meal times. She knows I always take snacks and I’m guessing he doesn’t take anything.

OP posts:
emilybrontescorsett · 20/01/2019 14:23

Yep.
My ex h was like this.
I often would get home late to be met with , albeit older, dc telling me they were hungry as their dad had not made dinner for them. His excuse? Oh well they didn't ask me for anything specific.
Got sick and tired of this and told him in no uncertain terms that I did not ever want to have to get in that late again and have to start cooking when he had been in the house for hours.

It was hard work being with a man child.

Original poster
MrsMaker88 · 20/01/2019 14:24

I’ve fixed the immediate issues - clothing, snacks, car seat. Honestly I’m at a loss as these are surely basics.

OP posts:
Pachyderm1 · 20/01/2019 14:27

They are basics, OP. What’s his excuse for being so useless?

Original poster
MrsMaker88 · 20/01/2019 14:27

The thing is meals wouldn’t be an issue with him. He’s made them scrambled eggs for lunch while I’m working. It’s all the other stuff.

OP posts:
OutPinked · 20/01/2019 14:27

Making sure the child is warm, fed and safe are the absolute basics of raising a child. Everyone surely knows that??

Original poster
MrsMaker88 · 20/01/2019 14:32

Is it selfishness, stupidity, total lack of empathy? I do wonder if he has something lacking as it’s as tho he is incapable of considering others.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsMaker88 · 20/01/2019 14:34

Or is he just lazy and knows I will come to the rescue?!?!?!

OP posts:
AnoukSpirit · 20/01/2019 14:40

Is this new or has he always been like this?!

Coolaschmoola · 20/01/2019 14:44

For me the coat and car seat are huge issues. The snacks are a red herring - snacks aren't essential if children are getting well balanced meals.

Thesearmsofmine · 20/01/2019 14:47

Were they going somewhere outside or from the house to the car? I don’t put a coat on mine if we are just walking from the house to the car.

Car seat would piss me off.

Snacks wouldn’t bother me, we don’t carry snacks.

Original poster
MrsMaker88 · 20/01/2019 14:54

He’s done some other weird things before.

He left our tenants without lighting in the lounge as he couldn’t find an electrician and blocked sinks as he couldn’t source a plumber. So he says. But then I found one pretty much straight away when I found out days later.

I told him I could smell gas in the lounge (his family own this house), he said no it’s fine and went on holiday. We returned and I demanded we got someone to come out as I could still smell it. We had a gas leak.

He’s been MASSIVELY selfish with our money (spent on himself and his hobbies basically), that’s a whole other story. And couldn’t really understand why I was upset about it.

It’s not the first time he’s taken the kids out in the cold without jumpers despite wearing one himself but I thought we had sorted that.

He is very busy, he commutes at 5am to work and gets back at 7. He’s studying for a masters degree and does other stuff on top. But still?!?!

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsMaker88 · 20/01/2019 14:56

She was telling him she was cold and he just thought it was fine as they were driving there. Even tho he was wearing a fleece. I wonder if he has a piece of something missing seriously

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 20/01/2019 15:00

Yes, very selfish. Honestly I'd be wondering whether he has a proper bond with his dd, surely no parent looks after their own comfort while allowing their child to be uncomfortable.

CourtneyLoveIsMySpiritAnimall · 20/01/2019 15:01

Are you married to Russell Brand by any chance?

Original poster
MrsMaker88 · 20/01/2019 15:15

CourtneyLoveIsMySpiritAnimal Hahaha

What do I do? He’s been reading DDs school books with her today, taken them out, he rushes home to be with them at bedtime most days. But in other ways he’s so so so selfish.

Do I basically have to put up with this and spell it all out every time (and worry what he might do next).. or leave?!

OP posts:
Troels · 20/01/2019 15:52

You have to spell it out to him, he loves then and rushes home to be with them, then he needs to know the basics.
Shout if you have to.
"Dh, you need to learn basics, children need to be warm, safe and fed. If you can't do those simple things you are failing as their parent, so get a grip."
Tell him you'll tattoo it to his bloody forehead so he sees it in the mirror.

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