To have to do this

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Ive just been signed off work with work related stress. My boss has contacted me saying there is a formal process to follow and that we must have a informal meeting together and fill in a template. Then I fill in a questionnaire. Is this normal procedure?

AIBU to say no to this meeting? I'm off with stress caused by these people, my boss has suggested they come to me which I'm even more stressed about. I just can't forget about it all, I need a break.

No You don't. For a 'back to work' meeting then yes. But you are off with stress. When you go in to work after the sign off period is complete then that's when a plan can be put in place and a review of your working conditions.

No! Your boss shouldn’t be contacting you like this at all if you’re off with stress! Completely inappropriate.

YANBU

It is likely they are following a procedure to see how they can help facilitate your return and make it more manageable.
It’s standard with many companies.

Maybe. At my last place of work, if you had work-related stress on your sick note, you had to fill in a stress assessment with your line manager as quickly as could be managed by them (as you were off, they assumed you could do any date and time). It could be done at a meeting in the office, or in "exceptional" (unspecified) circumstances at your home or another venue. It depends on what your work's policies are.

In my organisation (NHS) if someone is signed off with stress, we have a back to work meeting where we ask the employee to fill out a questionnaire. HR use the answers to support the manager and the employee to manage their stress levels and keep them at work.

If they are signed off for more than a certain period of time (can't remember what this is, I think maybe 12 weeks), this triggers the long term sickness policy, and we would ask them to come in for a meeting.

The best thing to do is to speak to your HR team and ask them for advice and to send you a copy of the sickness policy.

For work related stress, any plan needs to be decided before the return to work meeting!

What your employer has asked is not excessive, and is designed to support you. If you don't feel up to a meeting in person, could you do it by phone? How long have you been signed off for? If your boss is specifically the issue, you could ask to meet with HR instead.

Do you know the cause of your stress and what can the employer do to minimise its impact on you? This is what they want to find out, and if you think about it before you meet then you can work to put a plan together for your return.

In a similar situation, I successfully persuaded them that I was not able to speak to any former colleague or person in my management chain, and limited contact to a designated person in the HR dept.

But fortunately this was decades ago when workplace stress was barely recognised, so there was no formal procedure, just occasional telephone calls to explain that I wasn't coming back yet, and later, that I could contemplate a phased return provided I worked from home and moved to a new department.

If home is stressful, could you accept a meeting in a neutral place? It was several months before I could bear to go into the same city as my workplace.

I'm 1 week into 4 weeks signed off. I need a break from it all but I don't want this hanging over me. At the moment it's hard to see how I could return to work there. I've been bullied for almost 3 years, gone through all the right channels to get it resolved and now it still continues and my management don't back me up. They obviously don't believe me.

At my work (public sector) this procedure is totally normal and is followed for any type of sickness which goes on for more than a set short period. The offer to come to your home is also normal, the idea of that being to reduce stress not increase it though!

At my work you would be allowed to ask to have the meeting with another manager if your own was involved in an accusation of bullying/harassment of you, but not just because they were involved in the stress. The idea is that they are working with you to reduce your stress and get you happily back to work, so really need to discuss it with you so they can help.

It's really hard to discuss because it's been ongoing for so long. The bullying has affected me in many ways. I put it all in a he grievance I initially raised.

I worry whatever I say will be taken and somehow used against me. I haven't got it all worked out in my own head yet. I'm exhausted from thinking about it, it's constant and I don't seem to get very far.

Sounds like you might need longer off and to address the impact any bullying has had on you e.g. counselling. But I've been on both sides (manager of someone off sick with stress and employee signed off). In my organisation it's standard to maintain regular contact and one person I managed who refused contact (she was off for several months though) ultimately didn't come back and in my opinion threwa good career (and years of experience, training etc) down the drain. I feel if she'd have accepted our support she could have come back and been happy at work again in time. In my case I managed to maintain contact with my manager and comply with HR processes. It took time to recover and I engaged with lots of support. But I bounced back. My advice would be to lose with HR. If dealing with your manager is a stressor they may be able to make an alternative arrangement regarding contact/meetings but if you hope to come back you'll have to work up to dealing with her again. Best of luck. Xx

Are they acknowledging the bullying/grievance?

YANBU to say no to the meeting. I suggest you propose a next time for the manager to make contact, as it is not unreasonable for them to ask how you are from time to time. As would be the case with a physical illness or injury.

The bullying was acknowledged over a year after I first brought it up. The first person I spoke to said it wasn't something they could get involved in and to go and sort it out myself! I finally raised a formal grievance which was stressful in its self. A investigation happened by someone independent who found I was right. The bully and myself had to sign a behaviour agreement. The bully has never stuck to it. I always felt my boss didn't agree with the decision. This is part of the problem now. She is basically saying it's not happening and to stop wasting everybody's time. That's when it's acknowledged at all. The bully has got a lot of people wrapped around their little finger. They manipulate and overreact. I've had enough.

Feel quite anxious about it all today

They shouldn't be arranging this meeting 1 week into a sick period.

A lot of places have procedures where they will schedule meetings if someone has been off work for an extended period of time. To see how they're doing and see how they can best accommodate them into easing back into work.

I'd object strongly to a meeting after 1 week of being off with work related stress!