to be really sad and upset by this

[lonelyandangry]

i can't stop crying about this as my dd has written in her french school book that she lives with the former OW and has called her 'mother' and said she lives with her father half brothers but she lives with me and always has done. i saw it when i checked her room for laundry and her school books were on her bed.

She probably doesn't know the french equivalent words so has simplified her life.

It is far more likely she is writing about the life she would prefer - in other words living with you, her mother, and her father and half brother.

Aww Op, totally understand why this feels like a kick in the teeth. I agree with PPs though that it doesn’t mean anything - it’s just a school exercise where she could choose what to write without it being true or what she actually wants. Glad you’re feeling better now

As a French teacher, I can assure you that your DDs teacher will have encouraged her to showcase her French and not necessarily stick to the truth!

When I was that age I was desperate to sound more interesting! It had nothing to do with not being happy at home. At that age you want the opposite to what you have.

We lived in a large house in quite a posh area, parents were still married then and we were comfortably off. I fantasised about living in my friends council house, they had undecorated walls and no carpet in some rooms and ate different food and she had a step dad. I thought her life was so “cool”. So embarrassing now, her families life was obviously much harder than mine (although they were very happy people).

It's just a story op, if she had written that she was a Romani princess or a Hollywood film star, you'd think nothing of it.

don't be sad. Do you normally go through her school books?

This is the age they want to change their name, in some cases to fit in a blended family and upset their dad or they don't like their given name. Being picky about who is in their family tree. Just trying out their identities, they get over it

I looked at them today because they were on her bed and I realised I hadn't looked at them for months.

I know it's hard but please don't be upset! Two things - firstly at this age they do try out all sorts of things in their heards and also she could easily be trying to make an interesting story (in the first person) with her vocab!

Obviously when you write a story in another language you can't just write about you in real life, you have to write all sorts of things to ensure you use other vocab - hope that helps!

It’s more than possible that it’s not the OW but you, meaning she lives with you, her dad and her brother. Try not to be upset.

My ds did something similar aged 11, in French .... he said he lived with mum, step dad, half sister. All true, but he called step dad ‘dad’ from age 4, and half sister was never ever referred to like that. I was upset that he didn’t feel his family was a ‘full’ happy family.

When I saw his work I asked him if that’s how he felt about dad and sister ... he looked very surprised and said no, he wrote that because it got him extra house points for using better/more unusual words in his work!

Your dd’s reasons could be the same.

I wouldn't take it to heart. My DC would often write odd things in their French homework as they wanted to show the depth of their vocabulary or illustrate a particular grammatical structure. They've owned horses, been sailing, travelled to numerous countries, participated in sports etc. One wrote about falling over in a farmyard, breaking an arm and being bitten on the nose by a pig!

It's not about telling the truth. Maybe bring it up in a jokey manner and see what comes from the ensuing discussion.

Honestly I think she may have done it to give her more to write about. I hated my bio father and his wife and didn’t see my siblings on their side but they were all wheeled out for my French lessons because it helped me practise more!

She is 12 she is old enough to know it hurts your feelings

Not to worry, OP, I'm supposedly a bilingual French speaker, but am ashamed to say that I haven't used my French for so long (except for mocking Québécois friends' patois!) that I had to look up the word for step-mother, so I'm guessing your daughter just didn't know the word for step in the family context, given that she presumably also wrote "demi-frère" instead of "beau-frère"

My son did his French homework recently on families. He wanted to keep it simple, so just wrote what needed to be covered. It doesn’t need to be true, and he’d rather not complicate it by writing about his dad’s death.

Don’t read anything into it OP. It is just school work, no reflection on your relationship. Talk to her about it in ease, not from a place where she needs to defend it.

My DD did worse at that age - I was living temporarily with my eldest sister, who's a very difficult person, and I found an essay describing, in great detail, the screaming fights we were having. I'm amazed we didn't have a visit from social services. 😂

Please don't be upset. She needs to use her imagination to make sense of her world. This story is just a version. She also may have not found writing the full truth an easy translation so she just wrote the easiest one it was for her to translate. I wouldn't mention it to her, she will be upset she has hurt you

My German teacher thought I was an only child - I could remember the term for only child "einzelkind" but could never remember if sister was schwester or schwestern. I remember telling my French teacher I had blue eyes because I didn't like marron and I didn't know if I could use brune.

I wouldn't read too much into it.

But she wrote that she lives with her mother (you) and her father (her Dad). Presumably this is true as she spends some time staying at her Dad's? At 12 I probably wouldn't have included the information that my parents lived in different houses.

From what you have written I would definitely take the Maman to be you. Her mother. Then she's just patchworked other bits together to include her dad and all the step siblings. If there are no other indications of any unhappiness on her part I would take this with with a massive pinch of salt and forget all about it.

Unless I'm missing something, the fictional piece (probably fiction purely for language purposes as many PPs have said) reads to me like she's saying her parents are still married rather than anything about the OW. I assumed she meant she lived with you and her dad

Cross posts!

Dd's french book depicts a complete fantasy life, mostly because dd is intensely private and doesn't want to share details such as where she went on holiday, what she is doing at the weekend, what her hobbies are etc and also because she uses the vocabulary she remembers. I imagine your dd has done the same. Her french teacher reassures them that it doesn't have to be a truthful account just a good example of French.

OP, she's only 12 and exercising her imagination, don't worry. Wait until she's 16 ! 😄