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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have no idea how to help friend with eating disorder?

3 replies

namechange80 · 20/01/2019 08:44

Genuinely looking for advice here, I hope it isn't too sensitive or at all offensive to anyone with the content.
I've name changed for this and I'll keep it short.

I was friends with a girl for a long time but we drifted apart when I had my DC. We were very, very close but we just took different paths.
When I first met her, she was severely underweight (anorexic) and undergoing therapy for it. She never stopped struggling, but slowly over the years, she gained weight and had less problems with food, until she was at a fairly healthy weight.
Over the past year my stomach has been dropping every time I see a photo of her (she's living abroad at the minute too), she's unbelievably skinny again, really not healthy.
I've made an effort to meet her when she's over here but she never talks about anything to do with her eating disorder or even many things that are really bothering her and she's completely stubborn in that way, she'd refuse to talk about anything wrong and push you away for trying to get her to talk or insinuating something is (understandable with the condition). She doesn't make an effort to see me or message me which is understandable too.
But last night I bumped into her mum who explained the severity of the situation and the bottom line is, it's very severe and she's not well at all.

I have no idea how to help not being close to her anymore, but I feel like I need to! Every time I see a photo of her I'm completely worried and I was so worried after her mum confirming the severity of the situation! I'm just not sure how she'd take a random message of support when we aren't that close anymore, I feel like she might think it's intrusive when I don't know what's going on with her and she'd push more people out when another person jumps on the bandwagon of trying to give her support and try and get her to get help.

Any advice would be appreciated because I feel a bit useless right now!

OP posts:
Acerbics · 20/01/2019 09:02

Speaking from experience, anything other than just being there for her and reaching out - but NOT talking about her weight/ issues - there really is nothing you can do.

People telling me they were worried spurred me on to do it even more.

Paperdolly · 20/01/2019 09:09

It seems her family realise that she needs help so leave area to them.

Accept that you feel frustrated but can’t get her to treatment if she won’t go. It may take her to be sectioned before she receives help.

Your help will come in just letting her know you’re still around in her life for general chit chat. “Hey Z. Just wondering what you’re up to these days as we haven’t been in touch. We’ve been busy since Christmas getting...” type of thing?

namechange80 · 20/01/2019 09:10

@Paperdolly yeah, I think that's what I'm going to do right now.

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