AIBU

[LottieLou90]

So, I’ve been on Maternity leave for the past few months. Due to return to work in May.

I take care of all the child care during the night, taking oldest to school etc and doing the main share of home chores. Tidying, dinner, washing up etc.

So tonight, my DH worked 9am-1pm. I did the food shop, went to the park, came home, tidied up. I cooked dinner.

I just came into the kitchen and found out my DH has done the washing up. Very nice. Really lovely. But stood there expecting a thanks. I asked him what was wrong. He replied “well I’ve done the washing up”.

I said “ok, so are you expecting a medal?”

He said “no, but a thanks would be nice”

WTAF.

Told him I’m posting on here for the general consensus.

I’m so taken aback. He’s never said anything like this before. We’ve been together for 5 years.

What would your reaction be?

TIA x

@Awrite very true. I always had in my mind that the one not ‘working’ does the lions share. This needs to stop.

@AtrociousCircumstance I will ask him if he needs help with that and would that earn me an extra ‘star’ on reward charts 😂 x

Get him to check this link out...

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic

I always say thank you when my partner does something round the house,and he does the same to me

The one at home is recovering from pregnancy and childbirth. Also, looking after baby (and older child).

Remember, he'll have to do it when you go back to work. Plus, sharing the stress of nursery/wraparound care/ill kids He's not going to know what has hit him.

At a time when really he should be supporting you.

I praise my 2yo when he tidies up after himself - is that the kind of thing your husband is after?

I thank my dh for the meal I’ve just eaten, but nothing else.

OP, write in minute detail every single thing you do eg pick up dirty clothes from floor, wipe down sink, put towels back on the radiator, put washing on, take out, hang up, wipe crumbs off surfaces. Really mundane details, but absolutely every single thing you have ever done in the day, everything thing that makes his life that little bit easier and allows him to go to work and come back to a clean remarkably tidy house. Then present it to him and ask him for thanks. For every single tiny thing. It’ll take him a while. Idiot.

@kaytee87 my DD6 tidied up after herself with no need for praise. Although I do praise her. Maybe I need to do the same for my DH.

Like I said, he’s normally really hands on, does washing up, cleaning etc. Maybe he just had a bad day?

Just took me by surprise as it’s bloody hard for me right now. Maybe I ‘forgot’ to take a joke? He’s just taken the rubbish out after I’ve mentioned this thread. No thanks, no stickers etc 😂

I feel like I’m a mum to 3 kids, not 2 at the moment.... x

Hmmmm.....I think he's really asking for a shag!

I'd have said, in an incredulous voice "you finished at 1pm and that's all you've got to show for it?" But, I've got increasingly PA as I've got older.

OP, write in minute detail every single thing you do eg pick up dirty clothes from floor, wipe down sink, put towels back on the radiator, put washing on, take out, hang up, wipe crumbs off surfaces. Really mundane details, but absolutely every single thing you have ever done in the day,
I've done this on several occaissions over the years.

Me and DP always thank eachother but then we also try and find something to be busy with when a job needs doing. So if Dd does a big poo, we'll race to the kitchen to do the dishes

On the rare times he expects thanks for something he's done, for example taking the bins out, I like to remind him that I'm the reason he always has clean undies. Seems to bring him back to reality quick enough

Ok...and what thanks do you get? My ex once told me that he'd done the washing up for me and only just lived to tell the tale. Your do is being an entitled brat.

I would ask him where the washing up fairy is that usually does them and has he remembered to thank her?

😂😂😂 I'd just state to him your initial reaction - WTF?? And tell him not to be so fucking ridiculous. I think this is a man thing tbh OP. On occasion I've returned from work (I work 3 days a week) and he's got in a few mins before me & emptied the dishwasher, thus expecting a standing ovation lol, I just say "ooohhh well done you" and slow clap at him 😂😂😂 Men!

My husband does this sometimes, we both work full time, I work linger hours and am the higher earner by far, I still do the majority of cooking, shopping and general household burden style stuff like bills, mortgage, sortingnout extension, booking holidays, organising trips and school stuff etc, he does do washing, the garden and some cleaning plus we have cleaners and occasionally he wants a thank you for doing something out of the ordinary.

I am grateful but I don't get offered a thank you from him when I do something out of the ordinary

We have talked heatedly about this before and now both try to make the effort to support each other ... one thing that peeves me loads is that when he is doing something like housework he starts clapping his hands and saying 'come on let's do some
Tidying' even though I'll be going to do the weekly shopping shoetlynthen come home and do the cooking .... he'd say 'take the kids shopping with you as I want to go to the gym' .... at this point I start to 🤯😡🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

Tell him you're not his mum.

next time he does something race over to him and give him a good pat on the head and scratch him under the chin while saying "whos a good boy then, whos a good boy" he wont expect thanx again