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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel disappointed I wasn’t asked?

55 replies

IThinkIJustShatMyself · 19/01/2019 20:58

I’ll start by saying I know IABU, but I feel really shit about it so just trying to get some perspective. I’ve know my best friend since I was born. Our mums met on the maternity ward and we’ve been close ever since. She’s Godmother to my kids, I was a bridesmaid at her wedding, just walk into each others house without knocking sort of close. Last night I had a meal at my house to celebrate my birthday. Just me and my family, her and her sister and their families. At the meal, my BF asked her sister and husband if they would be Godparents to her baby son. The sister’s boyfriend immediately asked if I was being Godparent as well, and she said no, they were asking another couple who have recently inherited some money so are a better choice?!
The thing is, I’m really hurt by all of this! We’ve been so close for years and I know it’s their choice who they choose, but I honestly thought it would be me! It wouldn’t have been so bad if they hadn’t done it in front of me, especially when they’ve just spent Christmas together!
I’m just being stupid feeling sorry for myself aren’t I?

OP posts:

cowfacemonkey · 19/01/2019 22:02

So much fun to be had at the christening when you mention to the new god parents how fortunate it is that they’ve recently inherited!

Beeziekn33ze · 19/01/2019 22:03

So hurtful. She's not the friend you'd thought she was, especially regarding her reason for choosing the other couple. Could her partner or a family member have influenced her?
It may take you quite a while to get over. Your choice whether you stay friends and just cool the friendship a bit, you've many shared years. Make sure you're busy doing things you want to do with other friends, try not to dwell on her thoughtless behaviour.

Original poster

IThinkIJustShatMyself · 19/01/2019 22:10

Beeziekn I wondered that. I’ve never been close with her husband, but we’ve always been amicable and polite with each other. It might have effected the decision, but not the choice of when to ask

OP posts:

Rudgie47 · 19/01/2019 22:13

What I'd do is ring her up and tell her you have won the national lottery the full amount. It will be a laugh to see what she does next!

bringincrazyback · 19/01/2019 22:13

YANBU! How tactless of her! - both in her reasoning and how she conveyed the info.

Zebrasinpyjamas · 19/01/2019 22:14

It's very tactless to ask someone else in front of you. I'd guess that she chose one set and her dp chose the other though so it's not necessarily a rejection of you.

getawayslough · 19/01/2019 22:16

''The older I get the more I think that friends from childhood aren't always as two-way as we like to think. They're not friends we've actually chosen, they've just sort of 'always been there'. Might be worth pulling back just a bit.''

The same is true for siblings- the older we get I think we can see siblings we once loved as not the people we thought they were and things can quickly sour. Siblings I once loved and thought would always be there for me I now view with hatred and generally dread any contact with themas they were not the people I thought they wrre.In general though, as we get older I think we are less likely to stand for nonsense and ill treatment and see people for who they really are. I think i spent too much of my life excusing the downright unacceptable treatement like that from others.

Subtlecheese · 19/01/2019 22:20

At your birthday meal? Launches into a conversation about godparents with her sibling and shows an obviously unappealing reason.

It looks like she's trying to get ditched as a friend. Be sure to tell the prospective godparents how excited she is about all their lovely money and avoid this boundaryless relationship.

It's time everyone grew up and realised you don't just wander in to someone else's house! My children know you knock and wait even with people they've lived close to for years!

crazycatlady5 · 19/01/2019 22:21

Regardless of anything why is she using YOUR birthday as a time to ask this?!

ShadyLady53 · 19/01/2019 22:33

Yes, I agree it’s like she was actively trying to cause upset. Are you sure she’s really a good friend?

NataliaOsipova · 19/01/2019 22:44

she said no, they were asking another couple who have recently inherited some money so are a better choice?!

She’s no friend....

StoneofDestiny · 19/01/2019 22:49

What the heck does inheriting money have to do with being a godparent? How mercenary

It's a new one on me too.

Matilda15 · 19/01/2019 22:58

YANBU I had a similar situation with my best friend, we are a group of 3 close friends but her and I have always been more like sisters. She asked the other friend and to this day I’m convinced it’s because the other friend earns more money..

Especially when she then said a few years later that if anything ever happened to her and her DH she’d like me to take her DD as she didn’t have any family and could we sort it out in her will.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/01/2019 23:06

Wow that is awful, and very hurtful, especially the choice was made as they have more money, how crass. It would make me think that bit less of her tbh.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/01/2019 23:07

Doing this at your birthday, how awful . I would tell her that you are hurt as she is supposed to be your bestest friend.

lololove · 19/01/2019 23:11

Just because they've 'come in to money' doesn't mean that they'll spend it on her child or have money later when the child is older.

Ridiculous reason and very strange that she asked them rather than you or someone closer to the family like her sister is.

I'd hope that she didn't say that openly as the reason too! Doesn't put her in a good light!

jessstan2 · 19/01/2019 23:25

for you. I understand why you are hurt, I probably would be too but it wasn't right to put them on the spot like that, asking outright.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/01/2019 23:28

Op diden't ask, it was her sisters' boyfriend.

AWishForWingsThatWork · 19/01/2019 23:32

She has openly stated she's picking money over a lifelong friendship ... when that is not what being a godparent is supposed to be about.

Don't think much of your friend.

Maybe you should be glad you're out of it and start to distance yourself.

Original poster

IThinkIJustShatMyself · 19/01/2019 23:48

I feel so much better that everyone seems to agree with me! I think re-evaluating the friendship might be for the best!

OP posts:

Wingedharpy · 20/01/2019 00:01

Her B-I-L is a plonker too!
He put her in a difficult position by asking the question but her answer was priceless.
At least you know what her values are now OP.
Had she been drinking?
No excuse but that is the only thing I can think for her tactless comment.

prisscalledwanda · 20/01/2019 00:07

YANBU at all. An unnecessarily hurtful way to announce it, most people would be upset in that situation.

ChasedByBees · 20/01/2019 00:21

Some people misinterpret godparents to be someone who cares for your child in the event of your death. Does she think it’s this rather than someone to guide your child in their spiritual learning?

Either way it was pretty horrible to do that. If you’re so close, speak with her about it first though.

MarthasGinYard · 20/01/2019 00:24

'she said no, they were asking another couple who have recently inherited some money so are a better choice?!

She actually said this??'

Was this actually said

If so that's vile

Longdistance · 20/01/2019 00:43

Aww, that’s seagulls of her. The timing is shit too.

I’d be hurt too, so YANBU at all. The fact these people inherited money is really shallow.

Find out when the christening is, and that’s the weekend you’re away aren’t you?

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