To think my house guest is BU?

[GunpowderGelatine]

Have my mum as house guest staying for a week at the moment. But of a strained relationship - dread her visits as she doesn't contribute to food, petrol etc and will buy milk but get the £1.50 off me for it when she's here.

My brother has driven through from his home 2 hours away and I wanted to get food in for when he arrived. Went in the car to M&S food to get a few nibbly bits (this was for lunchtime, we're off out for an evening meal). DS fell asleep on the way so mum went in to get bits, it was agreed she'd go half, I said that's fine just get some pizzas, quiches etc. Said don't get sweet stuff we have loads that needs eating (cheesecake etc).

She spent £110!!!!

We had, among other things, 3 full medium sized cakes, crates of beer, bottles of Prosecco (DH And I don't drink) beef joints, mango slices and watermelon slices at £4 a pack each, a fucking roulade and ONE pizza.

Now she's asking me for £55 contribution. WIBU to tell her fuck off no. I was expecting to spend £15-£20 and would have been happy to pay for it all myself, she offered to go halves.

This is so weird. Firstly referring to your mum as a 'house guest' is just odd even if you're not particularly close,and then she is miserly to the extent that she won't even pay £1.50 for the milk but then will be so extravagant when it comes to a lunch and happily fork out £55 quid towards it! It doesn't tally at all. I'd maybe give her £30 and tell her she's lucky to get that.

Do NOT pay for half her treats. You need to get a spine here. Get onto the Stately Homes threads because the whole reason you are even giving her £1.50 for milk is because of FOG - fear, obligation and guilt.

She is taking the absolute piss because you let her and have form to letting her.

STOP it! Tell her, 'No, I'm not paying for you £55 for your luxuries. I'm paying for half the lunch stuff. Here is 20 quid. If that's not enough for you, you can whistle for it. I'm done with your being so mean-spirited, cheeky and rude.'

"Oh, you got a whole load of stuff for yourself as well - good idea, might as well take the opportunity as we were already spending the time and petrol to come here for the few bits we needed to get for lunch. I'm not sure one pizza is going to be enough, though - it looks like you were so busy getting your own shopping that you forgot some of the joint items we actually came for!!"

YABU for saying ‘nibbly bits’

Any update from OP?

Why do you have her to stay?

She sounds awful

Re the title - I was going to anonymise the house guest but then thought actually it's relevant it was my mum.

I did say I would never ever have spent that much. I'm gonna wait until the last day and give her £15. I only have her stay once a year or so out of a sense of obligation. She doesn't leave til Thursday 😫

This did make me laugh though

YABU for saying ‘nibbly bits’

only 4 more sleeps op

I feel for you, I have relatives like that. I tend not to take annual leave when they are visiting so I can escape.

Well in the end I gave her £20. She wasn’t happy but IMO that’s the most expensive one pizza and no quiche ever

What happened to all the booze and other extravagent food items? Did shetake them home with her?

I think she did well getting £20 from you for stuff you don't want or need.

Don't feel obligated to have her again.

Yanbu, she is being a c.f., but M&S is bloody expensive and you both may have different ideas as to nibbly bits or maybe she got carried away and panicked about money. By the way I don't think it's that bad that you pay for your mother while she's with you for a week, people are being a bit ott here

OP, this whole situation is arising out of very unclear, dysfunctional communication from BOTH of you

Just be upfront with her and set clear expectations/boundaries rather than silently seethe because she hasn't guessed what you're thinking properly or is taking the piss.

You need to be much, much clearer. If this happens again, tell her a budget. Tell her what nibbls you mean. Tell her you can't afford for her to stay over if you can't afford it.

I find it a bit weird that you're shopping at M&S whilst on a budget, but that's your business. I think the miscommunication here is not only on your (CF) mum though.

stayathomer in what world do "beef joints" count as 'nibbly bits'

CF
Dis she eat/drink it all?

myrtle point taken

'A fucking roulade' that's really made my day! Hilarious, totally agree with you though, she's definitely gone above what was agreed! Good luck and thanks for the giggle! X

@SeaToSki we had my brother and cousin visit (separately) and they had the booze with my mum. Most of the food got eaten through the week.

I find it a bit weird that you're shopping at M&S whilst on a budget

I wasn't on a budget because I'm skint, it's because I thought about £15/£20 was a reasonable amount to spend on pizza and quiche and M&S is worth the extra IMO. But I hate food waste and we had so much in the house there wasn't any need to spend any more.

The fucking roulade only fucking melted too as she left the freezer door open one night and everything defrosted she also opened the car door onto a wall and it's got a big scratch down it

Suck it up buttercup! Yes she’s taking the kids but the food will get eaten, I would get alcohol in for guests ( I don’t drink) - lesson learned. But don’t fall out with your mum over £55, just don’t.

It's your mum, she raised you and probably spent all her cash on you for at least 16 years. Yes she mucked up the shopping but in the grand scheme of things does it really matter. For the sake of 55 quid is it really worth it. She obviously bought the booze for your brother who was visiting. I love treating my mum and having her to stay over and we had a terrible relationship for years. Maybe try and mend it or don't invite her..

Fuck me! She's your mum, if she's staying for a week then I'm assuming she lives fairly far away and it's a rare occurrence ?!

Maybe she bought things she thought would be special /rare/ nice because it doesn't happen often (her staying with you) and she wanted it to be nice ?

Please don't itemise shopping list and pay accordingly fgs !

I understand that your relationship is strained but come on, that's still your mum!!! Handle it, and yes explain or mention that it was expensive but next time, just cater that time yourself and carry on 🤷🏼‍♀️ 🙂⭐️

It's your mum, she raised you and probably spent all her cash on you for at least 16 years

Yeah thanks mum for not neglecting me in childhood I owe you one no one gets kudos for spending money on their child when they're children, that's what you're supposed to do 🙄

I detest this MN attitude of "that's your mum", as if it's some sort of excuse for a person to be a total arsehole, I wonder if people just can't see past their own good relationship with their mothers, and realise not everyone has that?

Maybe she bought things she thought would be special /rare/ nice because it doesn't happen often (her staying with you) and she wanted it to be nice ?

So when you want something to be nice for people do you disregard their requests, massively overspend and charge them half?

And no I don't get booze in for people, we don't drink, people know this, booze is expensive if guests want it they can bring their own 🤷‍♀️