I found out my husband was cheating with someone at work.
We have two young children. One of whom is severely disabled.
I was devastated but ended the marriage.
I have always known who the other woman was and known she’s also married. I have contact details for her husband and fantasized about telling him, though I never did.
My ex is living in a small flat which is unsuitable for kids so has always visited the children at my home.
This means I never get a break. I’m constantly exhausted.
Just before Christmas our DD was very poorly and I was struggling.
He seen how down I was and offered to stay over on Boxing Day so I could sleep that night. He stayed over twice in her bedroom.
Since then, his girlfriend, who is still non existent according to him, 
keeps calling and texting his phone when he’s in my home.
I know her number and have seen it flashing up on his screen on numerous occasions.
This is seriously bothering me now. Each time his phone goes off, I nearly feel physical pain.
She’s obviously very insecure since the sleepover and is letting me know he’s hers.
She has also bitten his neck, knowing he was coming to visit the children. Although they’re too young to understand, this really angered me. I feel it was done for my benefit. It feels very personal.
I have asked him to mute his phone while he’s in my home but he’s refused saying he may miss ‘important work calls’ , he has the exact same job as he had throughout our marriage and never had important work calls before or ‘important work texts’ This is her .
If he doesn’t text her back within minutes she’s texting him again.
It’s really getting me down.
She knows this is causing problems and bad feeling between us but keeps it up.
I feel so disrespected and trapped. He finds the two children difficult to manage alone, I wouldn’t fully trust him either because of our daughters complex needs. Until our youngest child gets a little older, I need to be home when he’s here. This could be 18 more months and I can’t face this torture.
This affair has destroyed my family and me. I’ve tried to be the bigger person for so long but these texts are getting in on me.
I’ve tried to persuade my ex to turn off his notifications so I don’t have to hear the messages coming in but he won’t. He has no respect for me and neither does she.
What would you do ?
Threaten her ? How ?
Would you tell her husband?
How ?
Please don’t tell me to be the bigger person. I’ve done that. I blamed him on the affair and he's lost his home, marriage and family life.
She’s got away with everything, he hasn’t. She also has my ex husband and she still won’t let me be. I feel like a fool for accepting their behavior, my nose being constantly rubbed init but the children need to see their dad so I won’t stop him visiting them.
Please be kind. I just want ideas 