Wedding decisions

[Chickenwing]

I'm getting married next year & my parents are paying the majority of the cost. This has caused a lot of issues already. My most recent problem is they expect me to ask my niece and nephew to be involved in the wedding party (they are aged 2 and 3) as flower girl and page boy. I personally had no desire for children to be in my wedding party. It would be an added stress for me on the day to organise 2 small children to go down the aisle & I would be worrying about this before my big day. I know the children are too young to care and this is just for the parents, AIBU to say no?

Believability - I find that really weird. Nobody makes any assumptions about weddings in my family - you wait to see what the couple themselves are planning?

It shows how different families are because in neither my or DH family would it occur to anyone that nieces and nephews weren’t part of the wedding. It wouldn’t even come up in conversation. I can’t even imagine what kind of reaction it would get if one of us said that they weren’t welcome, it would be so unlikely that I imagine that people would think it a joke. When they were much younger there were times when they came for ceremony and photos and were then taken home but not having them there at all wouldn’t even be a discussion point.

My eldest son (now 19!) was invited to be a pageboy at my closest friend's wedding when he was a toddler. In reality all this entailed was him wearing a matching suit to the rest of the male wedding party, and being in a couple of photos. He literally had no part in the wedding ceremony itself at all. Could this be a compromise for you? Your niece and nephew get to wear cute outfits and be in a few photographs with you, but you don't have the stress of them walking up the aisle with you?

"when asking the children was first suggested by my parents DP answered that we didn't want that and my mother got upset/angry & said my sister would be furious. So we said we would think about it."

So at the first sign of resistance, you gave in because your mother got upset?

You should have just reiterated that you'd already made that decision, pointed out what a ridiculous thing that would be for you sister to be furious about, and moved on.

"They aren't forcing it, just clearly upset about our decision."

No, they're using emotional blackmail to wear you down.

It's your wedding, your choice, put your foot down.

I purposely chose very young flower girls and page boys because I thought they were cute, so the eldest was 4, wasn't any cause for stress at all. They did behave, but even if they hadn't they had parents who could have removed them, so no issue.

You are free to chose what you prefer on your wedding day!