To think every parenting theory works for some parents and babies?

[marycodie]

When kids are young, I have heard so many parents defending certain parenting theories and rubbishing others. And some parents swearing blind a certain parenting theory saved them.
I don't think there is one parenting theory that works for every parent or baby. Different ones work for different people. And I include in that "trust your own instincts".
I wish we could all just accept that what works for me, may not work for you and vice versa. Because every parent and child is different. If a certain parenting theory works for you, then brilliant.

Totally agree OP. A friend of mine swore by “the contented baby” method so I gave it a go.. but it just stressed me and my baby out to the max! Different things work for different people.

Yes I agree. I desperately wanted to be a co-sleeping attachment parent. My daughter had other ideas! Hates being cuddled unless she's ill and will only sleep if she's alone in her cot. She practically puts herself in it when she's tired and whines until we go away! It's not what I was expecting at all but I love her for who she is and going with her wants (which she has always been able to communicate pretty clearly!) has made parenting her a joy.

I think it's the child, not the parent, that the theories work for!

I know a lot of parents who've sworn by certain things that worked well for the first child and been shocked when they didn't work at all for subsequent ones.

Never even knew there were parenting theories. Just got on with it. Had two pretty contented babies. Did mixed feeding, never worried too much about bedtimes and routine until they went to nursery and then only during the week. Dragged them along to everywhere and anything. Fed them when they were hungry and encouraged them to be as active as possible.
I always feel the more the parents stress, fuss and are routine driven, the more stressed and fussy the baby.

I think you as a parent, just feel that certain “methods” are best for your family. For example, my sister is very much in the “she who must not be named” (rhymes with Nina Lord) camp - whereas I think it’s barbaric.
I’m very much into attachment parenting, but my sister thinks I’m a completely nuts hippy who’s children will never learn to sleep alone.
In reality, I think if I’d felt comfortable with the method my sister used, it probably would have worked just as well as attachment parenting. Same for her - if she’s used my parenting style, I’m sure her son would have been just as happy and healthy as he is now.
There’s no one size fits all method - we are all just winging it really aren’t we?

Yes.
My eldest really thrived in a fairly strict routine and much preferred sleeping in his cot. He's eight now and is still much happier with a good routine in place. Still a good sleeper.
My youngest, however, never followed any sort of schedule about anything. I ended up following a sort of attachment parenting method simply because I could never put him down. My eldest would get fussy if cuddled too long.
My eldest responds well to star charts, my youngest doesn't. My eldest is very bribeable, my youngest not really.
I could write a book about my eldest, all the things I did that made life sooo easy for us. It would be hogwash of course, he was just a relaxed baby who liked to know what was happening.
If I wrote a book about my youngest's baby years it would be "AAAAAAAAAGH!" Followed by tips on how to get pints of milky vomit out of the furniture.

Agree it’s the child they work for, not the parent. In my group of friends, we almost all had very high needs babies, so co-slept, fed to sleep, etc (which worked fab by the way). We had one friend with a super easy baby who was very self righteous about never having to do that (she was much more Gina Ford), baby went down at exactly 7pm with a bottle of expressed milk and she didn’t see her again until the morning and life was all very easy!

Then she had her second. Who was nothing like that easy first baby. She was a quick convert to co-sleeping, feeding to sleep, babywearing, etc. and was completely frazzled by how not malleable children are. She truly believed she had some magic powers that made her first so easy, that she’d followed the right ‘theory’, but she was just lucky. And it was a hell of a shock to finally figure that out.

Just do what works for your dc. That’s the key.

I agree with the winging it mybread.
Of course I have stressed over them and still do. However that is mainly to do with things that we do not have so much control over outside of the home. DH and I are pretty laid back about home life. DD came into our bed most nights until she was in secondary school. We just got used to it and rarely put her back in to her own. DS on the other hand never came in and he did need a bit more structure and luckily is doing quite a structured degree at uni to keep him in line.
Oh yes mycigars you've just reminded me of DD's projectile vomiting. She was good at that.
Might have to google Gina Ford now to see what we've missed 😁

3 kids, and I used 3 totally different parenting styles!

dc1 massively routine based, you could set the clock by him waking to cry for a feed. Slept only in his own moses basket/cot. brilliant eater and sleeper.
dc2, no routine at all, feed now, then may wake in 1 hour, or 4. Slept all over the place, in our bed, in her bed, or not at all.
dc3 basically had to fit in with school run, toddler playgroups etc, so she became the ultimate in felxibility, and got regularly dumped in her buggy for a nap.

People who swear by a particular method are usually on their first baby and have happened on the one it works for.

They then tell everyone that that is the only method possible especially people with far more experience than them.

As they say: "Ignorance is bliss".