To ask DP to leave before DC2 arrives

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Toddler at home and baby #2 due very soon

The relationship is as good as over from where I'm sitting. There has been lies and an infidelity on his part, a problematic ex and half of his family are shits. I cannot be bothered with the stress.

I'm beginning to see how much simpler life will be if I just "LTB" or in my case, "GTBTL" as I'm not going anywhere

But AIBU to my self to deprive my self of the hands on help he can provide in the early months if he's here? I'm likely to be overwhelmed with two under 2, so I'm unsure whether to stick it out a little longer and accept him being here to help for my own sake.

I did have PND with my toddler so I'm at risk of getting it again. I needed all the help I could get and due to his work pattern I'd get very little hands on support If he were to live elsewhere (night shift worker who works twelve hour shifts five nights per week)

Would you stick it out for a while or postpone separation for the sake of help with the baby?

To add were no longer intimate and he's been on the sofa for months because of his actions during the course of the relationship. Until now I've allowed him to stay purely for convenience but unsure whether the bad outweighs the good in the grand scheme of things.

You should ltb for the infidelity. I'm not sure about keeping him on the sofa until your new child is a bit older. Seems a bit calculating.

i would have him stay for 6-8 weeks at least. its the least he owes you x

i mean 6-8 weeks after birth

keep him around.If he leaves then you're going to end up doing everything on your own for a baby you both made, it's his job too not just yours.
He needs to be there to help, I don't think it's wrong at all considering what you said he's done.

My logic was:

Why should he get the unlimited freedom and lack of responsibilities that would come his way if I asked him to go now, meanwhile I'll be on my own struggling without sleep with a toddler and a newborn (that we'd planned before he ruined things)

I think 6-8 weeks is reasonable too. DS was just about getting into a routine by then and I was getting a little more sleep of a night time.

I'm not making his life a misery btw, my anger about the cheating has waned and I'm just very indifferent towards him now. He's more like a housemate than anything else (although he still thinks there's hope for the relationship long term whereas I dont)

If he’s genuinely useful, keep him around at the beginning.

1. It’s his child too, he should absolutely take part in the work his newborn baby brings!
2. again, it’s his child too, those early weeks are precious and quickly gone forever, and if he does love his kids, he won’t want to miss them, whatever happens to your relationship.

He's a hands on dad and does alot with DS when he's not at work which has been a godsend if I'm truthful.

I can't fault him as a father, only a partner.

I agree with you, OP.
If you can cope with having him around, that is.

Might as well. If things are running smoothly for you with him there currently you might as well take advantage of the help with tiny newborn before he leaves.

I would have him there for the extra practical support, just for the first few months.

Just in the worst case scenario, if you were by yourself and your PND came back, and got more serious, then he could end up getting at least temporary custody of both dc if he was living elsewhere. Whereas if he’s living with you, he can look after them while you look after yourself.

Tbh I'd stick it out as long as he's not violent. The extra help could be invaluable. Just don't 'lead him on' so to speak, if you've decided you will be splitting then no intimacy etc.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about the potential for the PND coming back, that has been a driving factor in wondering whether i should keep him about for practical help for a while.

I suppose the thread should be "AIBU to keep him around just for practical support" rather than "AIBU to myself to ask him to leave before baby arrives"

He's not violent, he's so laid back he's practically horizontal.

The intimacy is definitely long gone and I can't say I'd be bothered if he looked elsewhere again at this point.

I'd keep going for a while, make sure your absolutely sure, give it a bit of time. Especially if the situation your in now is tolerable. Why should you have to do all the 'heavy lifting' so to speak after you give birth.
If you still feel the same after 6-8 weeks after the baby arrives then you can start to think about getting your ducks in a row.

Yes I think it’s wise to keep him around for the first 2/3 months until the baby starts sleeping in longer stretches.

I also think this would benefit your DS. It’s going to be a massive change for him to have to share your attention with a new baby, at least having his dad there will mean he’ll get more adult attention and will take the pressure/guilt off you when you have to tend to the baby. I think a new baby, a tired less-patient mother and his dad moving out would be just too much change in his little world all at one time.

YANBU OP, so sorry you’ve been put in this position while pregnant. Look after yourself and best of luck with everything