To think the school was incredibly insensitive

[Littlemust]

For background Ds8 (year 3) was diagnosed with 2 severe speech disorders and dyspraxia around 3/4 years old. He's made impressive progress and the only thing that really stands now is mild dyspraxia. He still has an EHCP and is waiting for occupational therapy to help with laces, zips etc. His school gave no support in year 2, completely dismissed his statement. They are requesting back dated funding for year 2 and it will merge with their budget. Not directly benefit DS at all.

DS is very sensitive to rules. He's anxious about doing something wrong at school. He's not like this at home - generally well behaved, sweet boy with good manners.
For example, he wouldn't even take a snack in for an after school activity as eating in classrooms are not allowed even though the school newsletter said he could.

There has been a couple of occasions where he has lost his break unjustified. For example homework was to read everyday over Christmas break, they sent a form home to record it. He isn't a natural reading lover but really pushed himself to read every day. We forgot the form, I explained to the teachers assistant saying how much effort he put into it, he said it would be fine but DS came out saying he lost his break. He said he cried because he didn't understand why, he did his homework.

Every Friday they have an achievement assembly, received a call for a parent to attend if possible as DS was getting a certificate. I attended, it was on the theme of independence. DS saw me and knew he was going to get a certificate.
The teacher went over possible things that could be done to achieve it such as doing zips up, tying shoe laces. I could see DS shaking his head at each thing listed.
Younger kids got it for impressive things, 4 year olds dressing independently for P.E and folding it all nicely etc.
DS got his for reminding himself to write letters the right way round.
I feel like it was humiliating and a breech of personal information to all the parents watching.
AIBU to feel upset?

I’d be upset too if I were in your shoes. Maybe they should have approached you first to see if you and him were ok on it being given in front of other parents and pupils or made it a personal achievement between you, him and the teacher.

I think you are being a little bit UR - if your son’s writing is significantly behind his peers then his classmates will have noticed.

That said my DD most recent certificate was for 100% effort at handwriting, which is a politer way of saying the same thing!

On one hand I understand the sensitivity but on the other hand all the kids on his classes will know his issues, so it won't be news to them.

I'd also worry about giving your son the message there is something to be ashamed of here, so it shouldn't have been said. There isn't anything to be ashamed of

Your looking at it from an adults perspective. The other children won't have noticed anything out of the ordinary about the award. Other parents zone out when it's not their kids and even if they hadn't I doubt it would click as anything odd anyway.

Your looking at it from an adults perspective

Agree, your sentence "I feel like it was humiliating and a breech of personal information to all the parents watching" would indicate it was you who was embarrassed, and you're thinking about it from "what will the other parents think" perspective and not from " my son is achieving something and I'm so proud of him" perspective.

As said there is nothing to be ashamed of here.

DS got his for reminding himself to write letters the right way round.

That’s something to be celebrated. Different children are different. Was he upset by the reason for the certificate?

It sounds like you’re struggling with the fact that your son isn’t working at the same level as his peers.

I know it's slightly off the point, but is the occupational therapy in your son's EHCP? If so, you really shouldn't be waiting for it: your local authority had a duty to put it in place from the day the EHCP was finalised. You need to write to them to say that you need to hear from them by a defined date - make it an early one - with detailed arrangements for OT to begin no later than, say, the week after next, and that if you don't you will start judicial review proceedings. If they come up with excuses about the NHS waiting list, give them a list of local independent OTs.

Information about judicial review in the information sheet on this page - sossen.org.uk/information_sheets.php

I agree that you don't need to feel embarrassed about this. I remember a whole classful of parents, and a few teachers, being reduced to tears the time a selectively mute child in my son's class managed to say a line in assembly for the first time. Self-evidently, absolutely no-one was sneering at the child's difficulties; on the contrary, the parents were united in celebrating her bravery and persistence.

It was the list of things that they showed on a screen and read out. Hardly any that he could do independently although he knew he was going to receive a certificate.

He did comment on everyone else's compared to his. I've reassured him but I think they just highlighted his challenges rather than celebrated an achievement.
He rarely writes letters the wrong way round at home so the whole thing is puzzling.

I'm not ashamed. He's come so far, I'm intensely proud. I'm also aware of things knocking him down when he has achieved so much.

They were celebrateting what was acheivalble for your ds, the school should be comended for that. So often children with sn are left out when it comes to achieving awards.

I don't know, I think I would be proud of him and not care what others thought, but haven't been in this situation so perhaps I shouldn't comment.

Sorry, just read your later post,
I think they just highlighted his challenges rather than celebrated an achievement.
That does sound like they handled it awkwardly.

I think they could have said for improvement or effort in handwriting. If it's something DS is sensitive about I'd go to the school and politely mention it so they can be more tactful next time. I don't think you should feel embarrassed but if DS felt embarrassed and didn't want it announced to the whole school it should be brought up.

There's a massive difference between kids in his class noticing his writing and it being announced to the school.

I think they could have said for improvement or effort in handwriting

Agreed!

I think I see what you mean. On the whole of doesn't like the school are sufficiently sensitive to your son's needs. In this case it sounds like they were trying but got it a bit wrong. I don't think you're being unreasonable and I think it would be worth speaking calmly to them about this incident and the others you described showing them how they fell short of appropriately supporting your son and what impact that has for him, because it has a big impact. These incidents speak to a general lack of understanding on their part - which is something that may also affect other children - so offering your perspective might be a very worthwhile exercise. Of course you need to do this sensitively as well because they won't like to be criticised.

I’m surprised by a lot of the responses here. DS1’s school tend to be much more tactful about these sorts of things - I know the back story of some kids and for their awards the teachers have always been good at award titles that big them up and don’t centre on where they’re behind their peers. In this case I would have expected to hear ‘for working hard to make excellent improvements in his handwriting’ or something like that. If they want to let him know specifically what they were so pleased about they can let him know.

It’s not just his classmates there - it’s a lot of other kids and other parents, and other parents can gossip and not always be kind or discreet.

I think the achievement wasn't how he wrote his letters but that he reminded himself how to do it, instead of asking a teacher, right? That's a great thing for the school to notice and celebrate because it is a big development in independent learning. I definitely wouldn't be getting upset about all the other things that other children were getting their awards for.

Yabu. I'm sure he's proud of his achievement and you should feel no shame that it is 'less' than other children his age. You're being oversensitive tbh. Plus other parents will be aware of his SEN, no need to feel bad about it.

I'm wondering if they tried to spare his blushes by perhaps not giving him a certificate for something they've praised younger DC for, but still recognising him during the "independence" theme? Perhaps they had to cast about a bit.

Does he seem really bothered? If it's something that gets commented on in class, getting a certificate for it might make him self conscious- or if it wasn't a big deal before, other children might take more notice now they know about it.

I think it should have been given for 'independent correction and improving of writing skills' or something. There was no need to be quite so specific.

But I think the intention was good so I'd probably leave it to be honest.

I used to worry all the time about what other parents thought of my severely autistic child who went through mainstream primary.
The older the child gets the better you become at toughening up and not comparing them to others.
It sounds like your son is doing an amazing job, go celebrate!

I think sometimes these things slip through, my friend moved her children to a new school last year when at the end of year assembly her teen daughter received a certificate relating to mental health issues. The poor girl was humiliated.

It is important for schools to not just give out certificates to children for their academic ability. When they were announcing what other children have achieved that doesn’t take anything away from what your ds has achieved. Dd got some of her letters back for front for a few years and she’s NT. I don’t think giving a yr3 child a certificate for this would have raised any parental eye brows or singled your ds out as different.

I don’t understand why you are upset over younger children getting certificates for things your ds can’t do. Can you explain a little further as I really don’t see anything wrong with what the school has done. Or is your ds reallt upset?

I think yabu. Any certificate could be considered a breach of personal information. At my kids school they are also given for a variety of things and some children get certicates for things that are an achievement for them but wouldn’t be for others.
As for the loss of break I’d just explain to your son that it was my fault and get him a treat for completing the reading. If they are going to do a reward for reading (which is basically down to the parents whether they encourage it and fill in/remember the form) they aren’t going to make exceptions as I’m sure everyone would have some kind of reason for not having the form in.