i'm losing my mind and he still won't stop

[airelle]

I've had a history of poor mental health. Last year I had a psychotic break (I felt like people were following me and touching me). My family did not know the severity at the time, but I have since told them.

I have been better than ever in the last few months, I'm in the final stages of my PHD and I'm getting my life back on track. I am very aware that periods of stress can bring back some psychotic symptoms so I am trying my best to not overwork or have too much on my plate.

My older brother has a history of substance abuse and poor MH too. His partner split with him about 2 months ago. As I am the "helper" of my family I went to stay in his house with him for a couple of weeks because he "felt like he was going to jump out of the window". So I stayed with him, but when I was there he was so nasty - he would shout at me for giving some advice to leave his ex be (not text her saying I love you etc when she had left), made me go to bed when he did because he didn't think it was right I stayed in his front room when he wasn't there, wouldn't turn the heating on etc.

After 2 weeks I said I needed to get back to work and that I would be able to talk but only after I had finished working. No matter how much I tell him he won't stop bothering me when I'm working. It's always texts like "I'm sad" and "what does it all mean?" I have tried ignoring etc but he sends me "????" when I don't reply. I've explained that I am really busy in the day but he just says "how dare you this is my life". He also wants to talk when he can't sleep so has been asking to stay at my house. I feel powerless to say no - I don't want him to commit suicide.

But then he seems to always make barbed comments to me - that my subject i'm researching is a "mickey mouse" degree and i dont need to spend so much time on it.

Anyway I'm getting really ill again. My mum saw me yesterday and said I looked haunted. I told her that I'm not sleeping well and about my brother. She told me to ignore him and to focus on myself.

She pointed out that when he was happily in a relationship he turned me away from his front door when I had walked there (without shoes or a coat in winter) after thinking my ex could see me in my old house (when I was ill)

AIBU to ask for help in how to do this? I feel so guilty

Block his number do not unblock it do not engage with him unless your prepared for the onslaught its reslly the only way he turned you away when you needed him turn him away he is wallowing in self pity

Your mom is right

The age old advice on a plane is to put on your oxygen mask before helping others - that's because if you don't you'll all be worse off. Same applies here. It's pointless trying to put him first when your own mental health is going downhill. You'll both be buggered.
Do exactly what your mother says - ignore him. Tell him again that you can't reply when you're working and stick to it. Turn your phone off if necessary or delete his messages without reading. Just don't reply & get drawn in, it really is that simple.

he just says "how dare you this is my life"

And this is YOUR life. How dare he use you as his whipping boy/personal therapist when you have your in shit to deal with.

Listen to your Mum. If anyone can give you permission to step away, it's her.

You need to point him towards some professional support then disengage, telling him that your own MH is suffering and you need some time out.

He may kick off but you can only be responsible for yourself, particularly when it comes to getting help and getting well, with the best will in the world, no one can do it for him.

If he starts getting abusive, which he might, you need to view this as a symptom, not a personal attack and stay disengaged until you feel ready to offer support again.

My brother is a recovering alcoholic and when he was at his worst he was like this. He needed to seek help on his own though, as only he knew when he'd be ready to accept it. Good luck and look after yourself, OP.