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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dr let slip social services are monitoring me.

44 replies

Tiredworkingmumof2 · 18/01/2019 12:24

Background: I have a 3 year old and a two year old. Boy and girl respectively. My son started nursery recently and he has been sick with repetitive flu like symptoms. This meant our entire household kept getting sick too. He has previously had two allergic reactions which required trips to A&E. He also has had two eye operations before the age of 2. So to cut it short we are always worried about him and that's just become our parenting style for both of them.

Recent Issue with my GP: I have been taking both my kids more than usual since the start of this reoccurring colds because I always want a second opinion/check/reassurance from a Dr!
My recent visit was for my daughter who has started a course of antibiotics (she had developed some side affects from it). The GP I saw was new to the surgery but friendly. Her first question was to confirm the patient was my child and then asked if I'm aware that she's on the 'Social List'!!! I responded no because this is the first I'm hearing about it. Then she asked if a social worker came to my house or my son has had any issues, which also didn't happen (very alarming). When I pressed for details she said it must be an error and she would get a senior Dr to call me the next day.

No one has called me since (nearly a week now) but I have chased the practice 3 times for answers and it's always, 'we'll call you back'!. Everyday I'm getting more and more stressed about what this means but I have no idea how to pursue this. I want to complain and ask for my records asap. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Regards,

One worried mama!!!

OP posts:
7yo7yo · 18/01/2019 12:25

I would go to the surgery and insist on speaking to the practice manager and the lead GP.

Jackshouse · 18/01/2019 12:25

Ring SS and ask them.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 18/01/2019 12:29

Ring social services yourself and ask them.

marycodie · 18/01/2019 12:29

I thought in some areas two or more trips to A and E with a child too young for school, means that SS have a look. Most of the time this is dismissed and SS will not even contact you. In this case because it is clear the reasons for A and E were fine. But talk to your GP and clarify.

Allfednonedead · 18/01/2019 12:32

I think it’s fairly common practice for GP surgeries to do this. I know my DC were on this or a similar list because of my MH problems.
Luckily, I knew that just meant the family would be mentioned to our HV at practice meetings and she would check up on us. And she is the nicest, kindest, most supportive HV you could wish for, so I was just grateful the system was set up to keep an eye out for us.
It’s almost certainly something like that, rather than evil social workers concocting a case of Munchausens by proxy. See it as an opportunity to ask if there would be any benefit to having a holistic look at your family’s health - what could be causing this, and can it be changed? Is there any support for you available?
Might they be concerned you are over-anxious? Is that a fair concern, and if so, could you ask for some help for yourself?

SpotlessMind · 18/01/2019 12:33

Ring the surgery and ask again, if they try to fob you off tell them you will come along and sit in the surgery until someone sees you.

missyB1 · 18/01/2019 12:34

What did she mean by “on the social list”?? That doesn’t even sound like a professional term! I wonder if she was just being grumpy about the fact you have made repeated visits recently and decided to try and frighten you?
Write to the practice manager asking for an explanation. Ring social services and tell them exactly what the GP said - make sure you name her and the surgery she works at.
Hope you manage to get some answers.

guildTheLilly · 18/01/2019 12:35

Coming from the point of view of SMT and safeguarding lead at school there are several things that strike me.

  1. Yes, there was a mistake to tell you that the children are being monitored' (no idea what a social service list is)
  1. Parents are frequently excluded
  1. Parents are frequently excluded for very valid reasons.
  1. Parents who are surprised by referrals to SS are often abusive, negligent and amazingly disconnected from their children's lives.
GreenEggsHamandChips · 18/01/2019 12:36

Oh lord i really wouldn't worry about it. SS clearly aren't worried else you would have heard from them. Chances of them doing anything under those circumstance slim to nonexistent

YouSayPotatoesISayVodka · 18/01/2019 12:38

A doctor, an actual doctor, really used the term “the social list”? Are you sure? Confused

Posterbook · 18/01/2019 12:40

Ring social services and ask them. It's not clear from what you've said if the GP has referred to social services or if it's a list the GP surgery holds of people they will flag up to social services (which can be due to an automated threshold like number of times at a&e)
If there is a record with social services they will tell you, as consent is required for referrals unless it puts a child in immediate danger, which this clearly wouldn't.

snowflakesnow · 18/01/2019 12:43

A social worker can not speak to you GP without consent from you. Unless it's child protection which this isn't so I'm really confused on what the doctor has meant by this. Perhaps it's just a term the Gp is using for the medical side and frequent visits

Lovemusic33 · 18/01/2019 12:45

It was probably a mistake. Quite often after a A&E visit they have to inform SS but it doesn’t mean they are involved in your family (it’s just noted that there was a A&E visit), obviously if it became a regular thing you would likely get a visit. I’m guessing it’s just a mistake on their system like they said. I wouldn’t worry.

SilverDoe · 18/01/2019 12:46

If the doctor was foreign there may be a small language barrier causing her to use the phrase in a way that hits native speakers ear wrong.

As PP’s have said, SS really don’t get involved to be a problem, although I understand how scary it is. I don’t know what is best to do though, if “lists” are kept confidential from parents. I suppose call them?

I have no idea how this would work to be honest. If you’ve done nothing concerning apart from take your kids to the doctors, then I’m sure you can rest easy knowing there’s going to be no reason to take this forward and that it is likely routine/based on statistics rather than anyone spotting a concern.

Evidencebased · 18/01/2019 12:46

SW do not ' monitor' anyone.
Concerns may be raised with Social Services for all kinds of reasons, by all kinds of people.

If these concerns cross the threshold needed for action, SW will act on them, and one of the first things they would do is visit the family.

If concerns raised don't meet the threshold for action, the SW don't act on them.

They barely have time to keep an eye on families whose issues do cross the action threshold.
They haven't contacted you, so you've nothing to worry about.

But yes, I'd be putting a strongly worded letter to the Practice Manager, asking for an explanation.

Oblomov19 · 18/01/2019 12:46

You must press the GP surgery on this and get it cleared up!

SilverDoe · 18/01/2019 12:47

Also is there a chance a different GP has raised concerns?

Jammydodger1981 · 18/01/2019 12:50

@guildTheLilly

4. Parents who are surprised by referrals to SS are often abusive, negligent and amazingly disconnected from their children's lives.

This makes no sense! Caring, loving, engaged parents would also surely be surprised by a referral...

AllMYSmellySocks · 18/01/2019 12:56

It's probably just the number of times you've visited A&E. I would ring SS if you're worried.

stickypiglets · 18/01/2019 12:56

Well this thread has me terrified! We've had to go to a and e with our young dc twice in the last month. First and hopefully the last times, just very bad luck unfortunately. Sad

Do they really do this? One of the visits we were definitely being a bit over cautious, but with a 5 month old we didn't want to risk it. Surely this is an awful system as it may put parents off seeking medical treatment.

whatsthepointthen · 18/01/2019 12:57

Just posted this on a different thread but I had a malicious referal made about me to SS. They asked to contact the school and my gp and ofcourse I agreed. The case was closed with no concerns HOWEVER a few weeks after it was closed I took my son to the gp only to be asked why I was “under social services”! I said I wasnt and explained what had happened thinking that was that, Again a few month or so later my other son was ill so we went to the Gp who sent us the a&e and when we got there he had told a&e there were safeguarding corners as I was “under social services” Shock
I hate to put in a complaint to get it removed so I suggest you do the same. I did call SS but they said it was nothing to do with them what the gp puts on the files.

whatsthepointthen · 18/01/2019 12:59

Awful spelling, corner= concerns hate= had* im tired Blush

ApolloandDaphne · 18/01/2019 13:08

I am a social worker and there is no list on which children are monitored as far as i am aware. Especially not without the parents knowledge. It may be that health have put some sort of flag on their system due to multiple A&E admissions etc so they can check things thoroughly if one of your children presents with some ailment but it doesn't sound like any referral has been made to SS. I would chase it up again to find out what the GP meant.

MirriVan · 18/01/2019 13:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Daisymay2 · 18/01/2019 13:39

DS2 was adventurous and still is. Several visits to A&E after falls- usually climbing incidents, and once when his brother closed a door on his fingers. There was a time when we took him and then he went from school after a fall there the following week. Triage nurse recognised him and asked about his season ticket. I did get a call from the Health Visitor linked to A&E after one fall. Saw GP when he had the stitches out, who told me that she had phoned him about DS2- and he had laughed and asked if she had met him.
Shame no one picked up on his dyspraxia!