Neighbours and noise (us & them)

[Whyislarryhappy]

Not sure if a aibu really.
Bckstory -
Recently moved to a terraced house. Really old style, long time ago I believe the house were bigger and have been split into two ect. So every other house is joined by a thinner wall if that makes sense.
I currently am a sahm to 2 under 4.

Often we hear our neighbours - music, shouting, arguing, singing, rapping, children crying and screaming, stomping up and down the stairs, ect. We didn't say anything became its none of our business what goes on tbh.
Now I have children too, yeah they cry, scream and shout also like neighbours children.
How do you tell a child off? When they don't want to listen to you in a normal tone of voice? You firmly tell them off by being louder than them (neighbours do this to their kids too) am I right?
Anyway, obviously we hear our neighbours, they can hear us too.
Other week, about 7.30am dd woke up screaming and crying (tbf when she wakes she does cry a little) this time was different because she was teething. Ds was asleep, I hear a thud on the wall from next door, it woke ds up as the thud was right next to him, I hear the neighbour shout "ffs every morning let me sleep" I ignored this and took DC downstairs (neighbour still shouting through wall)
Every day I soothe my dd and get DC dressed within 15-20mins of them being awake to go downstairs for breakfast.
Next day DC sleep in longer so do I, they wake at 8.30 and ds asks for TV on so I put on, then realise what time is and say to DC "let's et dressed" D's says "to some music" I ask Alexa to play children's songs. About a minute into the song, if that, I hear the neighbour shout through the walls at us. I turn the music off (it was not loud at all) I take DC downstairs for breakfast, whilst they eat I go upstairs to get their clothes, knock on door, I ignore as I was busy, knocks again, I call dp to see if it was him as I couldn't see out of upstairs window. It wasn't. Realise it was neighbour, hear them stomp upstairs and shout through wall again (now I'm being quiet getting clothes there's no way they could tell what room I'm in) tell dp everything that's happened.
When dp finish work he knocks on door to talk. They shout , and neighbours blame us for noise. Dp tells them we hear all their noise too. Neighbour calms down eventually.

Apologies for lengthly post

It sounds like you’re all going to have to learn to be mindful of your neighbours, but also accepting of the sounds children make

What is your AIBU?
All sounds petty and I would ignore.

I feel your pain. We lived in a terraced house with nightmare neighbours - loud music, screaming, shouting, music etc. They actually made our lives hell and it's very wearing. If I was you I'd try and speak to the neighbour calmly, tell them that you hear all their noise too, explain what you hear from them and if that gets you nowhere the next step might have to be the council for a noise complaint I guess. Could you speak to the neighbour the other side too, see if they have issues with the neighbour in the middle?

Sounds like a horrendous living situation for BOTH of you. Clearly they can’t stand hearing you and you hate hearing them. I don’t think either party should have to tolerate it. Something should be done about the walls! So neither of you abu for feeling frustrated but yes they need to calm down. It’s nobodies fault.

You both sound like you are really noisy, although I get that households with children often are. I disagree about needing to be louder than a child - I whisper and tell mine they are being too noisy and they then tend to whisper back (briefly at any rate).

I think you need to either agree with your neighbour that you will all make an effort to be much quieter or else nothing will change. It sounds as if both sides think each other is so noisy there is no point in bothering to keep their side down.

Putting music on first thing wasn't very considerate of you.

But then thinking, if you have a small echo dot the volume doesn't go that high? Not to the extent of upsetting neighbours.

Why not take your kids downstairs, have breakfast then go back up a little later to get dressed?

There's a difference between noises you can't help and noises you can help.
The thump out of bed was what woke your dc up. That to me is one of those things. If the shout had woken, then it would be irritating. However you can tell from the shout that if they can stop the thud of child getting out of bed, then they would do.

Putting music/TV on was thoughtless. That goes into noises you can help. Take them downstairs to get dress or into your room if it's further away from the thin wall.

If you are thoughtful, then I suspect they will be too. Yes, there will be noises, like the thump out of bed, or a slam of a door, or the point you shriek because the 2yo has just picked up the carving knife that will disturb them. That you both need to accept.
But things like music and noisy games (like running round) save until you can hear that they're up and also making noise.

If you work together (and they includes being able to nicely tell each other-perhaps by text, that some noise is driving you made) then you'll find it much easier all round.

Complaining about noise at 8:30am on a weekday is petty really, most of the world would be up and about at this time. It's just usual living noises, you don't start banging and shouting when you listen to them so it's really rude of him.

Not sure what the Q is, but YANBU for thinking this is excessive. You seemed to have learned to live with it, neighbours need to as well.

I think your neighbour is being unreasonable

You don't like in a terraced house and expect peace and tranquility

@PepsiLola bedroom there is an echo spot, volume goes up to 10, volume is always on 3 or 4 so always quiet. We use for bedtime stories and lullabies usually. So music on that volume is extremely quiet.

We are fairly quiet IMO. Just the normal dc Noise and adults telling DC off occasionally. And this 'noise' was on weekdays. Weekend mornings we are extra quiet! Plus a little quiet music at 8.30am is nothing compared to the loud bass music we hear from next door sometimes as late as 11pm

Why not take your kids downstairs, have breakfast then go back up a little later to get dressed?

Getting dressed. To quiet volume music is perfectly reasonable at any time.

OP - could you try and rearrange the rooms? So that you have wardrobes and book cases against the party wall? Might help muffle.

Sounds like six of one and half a dozen of the other. Both families are noisy and bot ha bit intolerant.

I am being serious when I say you should consider moving. It is soul destroying to have to hear someone else's noise and to worry all the time about your children's noise, even when it is perfectly reasonable. I have had a similar situation in the past and I am so glad I moved away.

If noise and abuse from neighbour continues we will deffo be looking foranother property

To my mind this is a very common situation due to the crap sound insulation in very many British homes. If you can improve it without going to great expense, it may be worth it. If not, try to move to somewhere with better insulation. But this kind of experience is why so many of us are obsessed with living in detached homes as soon as we can possibly afford it. I wish builders would take note and that building regulations were tighter re sound insulation.

Whyislarryhappy I don't think you're doing anything wrong, neighbour sounds like an absolute muppet. Some light music at 8:30am on a weekday is not weird or unusual - people have the bloody radio on fgs.