I think I am a serial addict. In my early 20’s I used to take obscene amounts of cocaine and only stopped when I nearly died. I went cold turkey and have managed to not do it for nearly 12 years now. Every time I wanted a line I’d eat something instead and in the 2 years after I stopped the cocaine I put on 4 stone. Then in my mid 20’s I got addicted to diet pills, constant exercise and calorie counting. When I realised I was getting dangerously skinny I started to have a glass of wine as soon as I got home from work so I’d be unable to exercise. I’m sure you can guess where this is going. After becoming unable to go for more than a couple of days without booze I started taking codeine. It made me feel queasy and not want a drink. I’m now currently weaning myself of the codeine but as soon as dc are in bed I’m getting terrible cravings and am currently climbing the walls.
I can’t do exercise to replace the codeine as I have to be in with the dc in the evenings. I’m eating healthily and not drinking at all but I can feel my willpower cracking. I really, really need to stop the codeine. Luckily I never started smoking as I have seen so many really determined people struggle awfully to give it up. But I’m tempted to start vaping. To me, it feels naughty enough to trick myself into it being a new habit.
Please tell me why this would be a good or bad idea. Also please be gentle, I know I’m a big old fuck up but I really do want to be better than I am.