Life has changed so much aibu in wanting to move.

[Lifeisnotsimple]

Lifeisnotsimple

Aibu, my dh and myself bought what we thought was our dream home pre children. Now we have a 5yr old, i went pt in my job and work dh days off so we never really have any family time at all. Last xmas day i had to work, leaving my family that day was the hardest and i cried most of the shift. Since then ive become resentful of the situation we are in. I hate my job but earn good money, i would like to change my job but it means a cut in money and that would mean we couldnt afford to keep the house. I feel our family time is more precious than the bloody house but hubby is digging his heel in and refusing to move. I know we worked hard and saved our ass off to buy the house but i feel our life has changed and i want our son to have memories of how we were as a family, not that we lived in a nice house but mum and dad were never together. Aibu?

You need to change your job not your house. Moving house costs a lot of money anyway.

Short term pain, long term gain? Will you regret the lack of money? Is it a forever type of house? I’ve been through some bloody lean times but now it’s worth it because we’re financially comfortable.

Is there no other job you could do? If your son is five is he not at school and therefore you could work during that time, at least part of the week?

There are school hour jobs but will have to take a massive pay cut and we wont be able to afford the house, if we move we can be mortgage free and i feel our work/life balance is out of kilter. We have the money to cover the moving costs but we are never home together with our son. Hes even started asking if we will be home together.

There are more important things than money, YANBU

Have you looked at this properly ie what houses, what job, timeframes etc? Have you spoken to your partner about why he doesn't want to? Is it just the house or does he feel you going p/t or earning less will put more pressure on him?

FWIW I don't think you're being unreasonable. We compromised on our house so there was less financial pressure.

What was it about the house that drew you to it in the first place? Do you have other options for work apart from those that would lead to a pay cut?

YANBU to want a change, but moving house AND job right now might not be the smartest / easiest move, givne Brexit uncertainties (assuming you are in the UK)

Yanbu, it is ok for your priorities to change! Could there be other options, like renting a room?

YANBU OP, but I think many people are like this now. Just admit when mine were small I made the choice to be a SAHM and therefore we didn't get on the property ladder and lived in two rented properties that weren't great. DC are secondary school age and I feel bad that we don't have a 'forever home', but when I see the stress my colleagues with young children are under I don't regret it for a second.

My hubby likes the house cos its 5 bed detached and he feels hes achieved something and when we didnt have kids it was great but now I feel its all materalistic. Crippling financially. We can have just as nice 3 bed home, mortgage free and have a better balance in life. I just dont want to be on my death bed and all my son have is memories of us never sharing times as a family. We wont be on the bones of our arse and i feel we will be free to pursue other things.

There is so much more to life than money! If you aren't happy then something needs to change. However I can understand hubby not wanting to lose dream house - I'm assuming that you both worked really hard to get that house. How long will it take for you to pay off the mortgage?

YANBU but some sort of compromise needs to be reached between you and DH. I know you'll have already thought through a lot of options but keep going back to the drawing board because there could be another way. You don't know what's around the corner or what jobs may suddenly crop up

Oh I'm so with you OP. To live in a lovely house is great but not at the expense of your family life. Especially given that you could still have a lovely other home, mortgage free, that's something others could only dream of.

There's no way that status of bricks and mortar should be more important than your family life.

Is there no way you could get the house to work for you so easing some of the pressure.

Advertising the garage as a storage unit, putting in a log cabin type structure in the garden as an AIrbnb type accommodation, renting out a parking space or 2.

Listing it as a place for filming.

It is alright owning a big house but it needs to be able to pay for itself otherwise you will spend your life working to pay for it rather than enjoying it.

Thank you all, dh is coming round to my way of thinking. I will be sorry to let go the home we worked so hard for but the dream isnt always the reality. We have just enough to pay the daily living expenses and maintenance but dh is never here, im shouldering the daily tasks, ds, dogs, work and diy. We never have a day off together and if we do we argue about whose doing what in the house. Ive been in my same job some 20+ yrs and burnt out. Physically and mentally i see my health slipping. I think im having a mid life crisis lol. I just want to live more simply. I look back at other houses we,ve lived and we were so much happier, able to go on holiday, meals, actually spend time with each other. It took us 10yrs to have ds and we so desperately wanted to be a family and now we are not even seeing each other. I put my foot down last yr and went to cornwall for a holiday, it emphasised even more how much we are missing out not spending quality time as a family. Time for a new chapter!