To think I don't need these friends

[Shitshitshitshit]

Currently going through my 7th miscarriage. I posted on here when going through my last and got some lovely support.

I have a group of friends and we have all been very close since school.

They know about the first three miscarriages (I'm embarrassed to say about any others). They also know the likelihood was that I would have more due to an inherited condition from my mother who also suffered multiple miscarriages. I have cried to them and opened up to them about all this when it first started.

Since then, one has continued to support me and keep in touch. one has continued to ask how I am and to ask to see me, get me out of the house etc... This friend is my closest by far, we have been friends since before school age but still, I have known the others for a significant amount of time and helped them all through their own individual shit.

Tonight I've seen on social media they are all together (except the friend mentioned above) having a take away night. This is a group that have never done anything without the others (or at least invited everyone).

I can only assume they can no longer be arsed with me not being myself and whilst I understand it isn't their problem, really what are friends for if not to support each other through life's hard times as I have done for them?

I feel so abandoned it physically hurts, as if I'm some burden on them now. Perhaps I'm being selfish but I feel like so what? Is it so much to ask of them?

AIBU to just think fuck them and move on with my life without them?

op.
What nasty bitches.
I’d make a point of saying erm thanks for the invite.
Then see what happened.
Not a good idea if your feeling fragile though.

You say they only know about the first three though, so do they know you’re suffering now? That could make it difficult to offer support.

I’m really sorry for your loss

ChasedByBees they do only know about the first three but since then, since the day I told them not one of them have asked me how I was or if I was okay, if I wanted to come for a brew and talk etc... Like I would for any of them.

I also told them it was likely I would have more. I don't want to seem like I keep forcing them to talk to me about it. Surely friends would want to find out if you were okay in that situation? Perhaps I just hold friendship in a higher regard

so sorry for your loss.

Sometimes people just don’t know how to act, or what to say.

It’s totally your choice about whether you stay friends with them.

I do understand it's not easy to know what to say. I just think if this was one of them, I'd at least muster the energy to ask how they are or if there was anything I could do.

I certainly wouldn't act like they didn't exist for months and not invite them out with the others.

It's so hard because it's the only time I've ever truly needed them and they are literally no where to be seen.

You really do find out who your friends are when you're suffering such loss and sadness.
I'm so very sorry

Thanks, to be honest I feel like just moving on with DP and my one decent friend!

I agree that in hard times you find out who your friends are. It doesn't matter if they don't know what to say, you reach out and let someone know you're there. The LEAST they could have done if they met up without you is NOT put it all over social media.

I think you need to talk to them because you are jumping to a huge conclusions unless you have other reasons to think they would snub you. It’s much more likely to be a miscommunication.

My first thought was that your ‘jungle drum’ failed because your supportive friend wasn’t going and they expected her to contact you but she didn’t because she wasn’t coming.
P
I think you’re being a little hard on them re the support. You’re not confiding in them so they don’t really know what their is to support. As far as they know you might have stopped trying and it would be painful to discuss. Plus if you’re not discussing it, they may take that as a signal you don’t want to discuss it.

More painfully, it could have been that the event was perhaps baby related, an announcement or a shower, and you weren’t invited to save you pain which has been badly handled, but kindly meant.

Also, if it was a deliberate exclusion, they could have posted it with settings so that you couldn’t see it, the fact they didn’t means it might well not have been.

Bear in mind too, even if it was a deliberate exclusion, it may only have been one or two people who were involved, so it would be a shame to right off an entire, well established friendship group for something just one or two of them might be involved in.

They also might feel that if none of them have heard from you for months, that you have dropped them.

It’s understandable that you feel like this and are very down. But it would be a shame to throw the baby out with the bath water. Could you possibly ask your supportive friend to act as an intermediary and let them know how hurt you felt and that you feel you’re without support? Do give it a chance, they are old friends and it would be a shame to lose that if this is a misunderstanding.

*write off

Unfortunately we have to go through hard times so we can see who really matters in our lives and who are we important for.

Get rid, OP. You don't need the drama.

So sorry for your losses and fingers crossed it will turn out just like you dream❤️