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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To drop my DDs nursery hours?

24 replies

Thatwasfast · 17/01/2019 18:05

Posting here for traffic as I want an answer tonight 😂

I’m on maternity leave with DC2, 10 weeks.
DC1 was 3 before Christmas, she’s just eligible for her free 15 hours. She was going 2 days a week before this. I’ve increased her hours to 3 days a week. She also has one half day with grandparents.

She seems exhausted, is fussy and grumpy when I pick her up. And to be honest I’m really missing her. I want to drop one of the days, and spend it with her as I’m on mat leave.

DH is a teacher, and thinks 3 days is better for her in the long run, as she gets more stimulation (it’s a lovely nursery and she enjoys going), and then the jump to a 5 day week at school won’t be so bad.

To avoid drop feeding, she has struggled a bit with a new sibling, and her behaviour has been difficult st times (nothing dreadful, just seeking attention) so I thought I was doing. The right thing by giving her more days at nursery to have attention, as I’m breastfeeding a baby at home. Also, I’m sleep deprived and do find it difficult with two at times, and can snap at her for waking the baby up etc which I feel awful about afterwards. Even though I enjoy spending time with her, I find the days when I’m alone with both of them hard work!

Also there’s the financial consideration, as we would save money by dropping a day, but this isn’t much really, as at the moment we qualify for 30 hours due to my maternity pay.

10 week old is easy baby, good sleeper and I feel really well!

What would you do, mumsnet hive mind?

OP posts:
AllMYSmellySocks · 17/01/2019 18:08

I would drop her time, she's winter born so won't be at school for 2 years anyway. Ideally I'd let her do 3 mornings but might be a bit much doing so many nursery runs with the baby too. Unless she's sitting in front of the TV all day at home she'll be getting stimulation at home too!

Original poster
Thatwasfast · 17/01/2019 18:10

Oh and I would put her in 3 days when I go back to work in September anyway!

OP posts:
Allthewaves · 17/01/2019 18:12

Could she do Monday, wed, Fri so has a break

ZogTheOrangeDragon · 17/01/2019 18:13

I’d drop a day for now as well. You can always increase it after Easter or in September.

CloserIAm2Fine · 17/01/2019 18:14

I’d drop her hours, she has a year and a half before she starts school, you can presumably increase when you go back to work or when she’s a bit older?

planespotting · 17/01/2019 18:15

I would drop a day too
It sounds like you want to do that I don't agree that you need to do nursery for them to adjust to school. Worry about that then, right now it seems that some more time together would be lovely for both Smile

CherryPavlova · 17/01/2019 18:17

I pulse drop too. You can provide better stimulation at home. You can also ensure she doesn’t feel pushed out by the baby.

Itwasbestoftimesworstoftimes · 17/01/2019 18:20

As a teacher, I agree with your DH.

She’ll get used to it and it’ll be a good start to her early education.

Joey2412 · 17/01/2019 18:20

Hi- just wanted to point out you still qualify for 30 free hours if your on maternity leave x

Phillipa12 · 17/01/2019 18:20

I would drop a day too. My dc3 is 3 but an August baby so he starts school in Sept, hes doing 2.5 days a week and will increase to 3 days after Easter.

Original poster
Thatwasfast · 17/01/2019 18:21

Right, just need to convince DH now ✅

Although I’m definitely not providing better stimulation at home, unless you count alphablocks and going to the park as stimulation... 😂

OP posts:
0lgaDaPolga · 17/01/2019 18:26

I’d drop it for a few months. It sounds like she will be happier at home. I’ve got a 19 month old and a 5 week at home and getting on fine. He’s of course not getting as much stimulation as he would at nursery but he’s happy here and we do still manage to get out to groups and friends houses and he’s not stuck in front of the tv all day.

planespotting · 17/01/2019 18:27

OP I teach as well. When they are so little, I honestly don't think we should stress so much about constant stimulation, there are times when a good cuddle with mum, a walk and a book are all their little brains need.
It sounds like this is that time for you.

And as much as education is important,emotional intelligence is hugely improved by a good bond with the parents, as is confidence.

Original poster
Thatwasfast · 17/01/2019 18:33

DH is having none of it. He’s saying he thinks it’s best for her. And for me and the baby to bond (to be fair, he does get ignored when she’s here, as he’s so easy and just smiles quietly!)

He’s saying maybe trying 2.5 days, but I feel like half a day is a bit of a faff? 🤔

OP posts:
planespotting · 17/01/2019 18:42

He’s saying he thinks it’s best for her.
And you are saying it is not. Are you the main carer OP?
Then in my humble opinion what you are proposing is sensible and I would go for it
Half days means nothing gets done in my experience

Camomila · 17/01/2019 18:44

DS preferred nursery when he went from 2 mornings (not next to each other) to three days in a row (different nursery). If you decide to drop her days, I'd keep them together - I think DS found the 'gap' didn't help.

Twotinydictators · 17/01/2019 18:49

My DS3 has just started at the primary school nursery, mornings only but every day. It is a bit of a faff with school runs (older DD7 at same school) but I work from home - it gives him a chance to play with other kids, get outdoors etc. while I work then we chill out together in the afternoons. He comes out tired and grumpy but is better once he's had his lunch. It does make the day very routined but it breaks up the monotony too... DC1 might enjoy just a few hours away each day and then getting to spend the afternoons with you?

HauntedPencil · 17/01/2019 18:53

I did 2 days so she was home every other day and that worked well. 2 days to regroup!

If she's finding it a big change with a new sibling I think an extra day with you would be more beneficial than an extra day at nursery anyway.

Or a compromise might be 2.5 days with the other half of the day she's at grandparents.

littleducks · 17/01/2019 18:53

Is it daycare nursery where you can just pick up an hour early of one with set session times? If you could I'd go a few early pick ups or see if you could switch to just morning sessions.

I wouldn't be too quick to drop a day as 10 weeks is still early days with your younger one.

user1493413286 · 17/01/2019 18:57

How long is her nursery day? I’d reduce it as it’s not like she’s going to school in September: she’s got a year and half to get used to a longer day and you wont have this opportunity again

Doje · 17/01/2019 19:08

I'd drop too. My eldest DS has just started school. He's had no problem at all and only did two days at nursery up until he went.

nutbrownhare15 · 17/01/2019 19:24

Mine is 3.5 and goes 2 days/week. She'll go up to 3 days in September aged just over 4. Surely she doesn't need more than a year of going 3 days/week? For many preschool education is just a single year. I think you should put your foot down or possibly compromise on 3 days after Easter.

nutbrownhare15 · 17/01/2019 19:29

And you won't get this much time ever again with her when she's at school, or you're not on maternity leave, so if you miss her and want to do it then do it.

M0reGinPlease · 17/01/2019 19:56

DH is having none of it.

Your DH sounds like a dick. This should be a mutual decision and if you feel strongly he should be listening to you.

I also massively disagree they need to 'get used to it'. The whole of Reception year is designed to help them get used to school.

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