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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let DD have a day off with period pain

58 replies

PeachRose · 17/01/2019 16:05

As the title says AIBU? She is 13 and never has a day off school, she has always had 100% attendance. She started her periods last year and only had maybe 4 or 5 so last night was pretty bad, she had period pain, feeling sick and just looked completely washed out. I've given her nurofen and her grandma (MIL) has stayed with her today. Would you do the same?

OP posts:
DonCorleoneTheThird · 17/01/2019 16:52

oh yes, bad period pains are horrendous.

Take her to an acupuncturist, it really does help.

She is still very young, but it's really worth keeping an eye on things if her periods are bad. Many women only discover problems when they try to have a baby, when whatever issue could have been resolved years before.

Period pain are like birthing pain, they are not a curse, we don't have to accept them, never be scared of seeking medical advice until they are sorted.

Honestly, first I would go the acupuncture way!

CowJumping · 17/01/2019 16:59

Totally reasonable: I had painful periods right through to my 30s, - about twice a year I'd have pain & contractions like labour pains that had me throwing up, cold sweats etc. No way could I work or concentrate for the worst day.

Thank god for menopause!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 17/01/2019 17:10

My Mum used to let my sister stay off occasionally as she would literally be in tears from period pain. I never suffered too badly.

The odd day off here and there? Absolutely fine.

BroomstickOfLove · 17/01/2019 17:13

Absolutely fine. When I was in labour with DC1, my plan for pain relief was to start taking gas and air at the point when the pain was worse than bad period pains., and then take other drugs as neccessary. I had started pushing before I reached that point.

Think of the times you've heard people saying "you don't get a medal for not taking pain relief" applied to labour, and then apply it to period pains and time off, too.

Ethel36 · 17/01/2019 17:13

Yes I would.

IlluminatiConfirmed · 17/01/2019 17:13

Definitely fine! Why not? Obviously I wouldn't broadcast the reason and would just say something non-descript about her absence to friends and school.

I think there is a work culture in the UK (and even worse in the US) which somehow implies that you have to be in school or at work every day unless you're actually dying. It's not healthy and not as efficient/productive as it may seem at first glance - everyone needs a break.

At 13 a child can stay at home by themselves too so it's not a problem for working parents at that age anymore. Even better if there's a lovely Grandma nearby!

MerdedeBrexit · 17/01/2019 17:15

My periods were, I discovered when I was 39, as bad as, if not worse than, giving birth without pain relief. The only thing which helped me was taking the contraceptive pill. Most of the time when I wasn't on the pill, I went to school, played Amy in "Little Women" on stage, took exams, sat Finals, struggled into work presentations, lived my life, in flaming agony, with painkillers not touching the sides but being expected to carry on "as normal" despite 3 days of every month being horrendous. Women who have not suffered from bad periods cannot comprehend it. Of course you are right to keep her off school, but do see if the GP can help alleviate the pain.

AllMYSmellySocks · 17/01/2019 17:18

I've never had a day off or even 10 minutes on the sofa with period pains. My friend, who has a higher pain threshold than me in general, has had times she's had to lie down for hours and been throwing up with the pain. If period pains are bad enough they definitely need a day off.

Postino · 17/01/2019 17:20

YANBU

My poor best friend has undiagnosed endometriosis for years, periods were torture for her Sad

I found labour pains were exactly the same type of pain as period pain (obvs increasing as labour progressed). Possibly easier to manage, as they come and go rather than being constant.

Side issue, I've never understood why 'nature' 'evolution' or whatever gave us such horrendous period pains, I mean why?!

Artofhappiness · 17/01/2019 17:23

Of course it’s ok. I’ve never understood why people seem to think bad period pain etc is something you must struggle through. We should all take a moon day now and again!

Echo other posters though in saying worth checking with gp if she’s hard hit next month. Could be she’s low on iron, endometriosis can also start v young.

Crazyladee · 17/01/2019 17:27

As someone who suffers with periods from hell, I completely sympathise with your DD.

You absolutely did the right thing keeping her off school.

Pyjamas, hot water bottle, chocolate and a boxset in bed are a definite requirement.

xJessica · 17/01/2019 17:31

YWNBU. Poor thing, I remember having to go home from school with it in 6th form. I've always suffered from horrendous period pain. As for her grandma looking after her, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that! I used to go to my grandma's house if I got a migraine at work, and she used to fill hot water bottles for me and have tomato soup on the go for when I got back up. I was in my 30s at that time. I'd still like her around if I wasn't well (although she's too frail now and it's my turn to look after her).

poobumwee · 17/01/2019 17:33

Yes I would keep my girl off too. Period pain is awful

ranoutofquinoaandprosecco · 17/01/2019 17:36

I too used to have awful periods as I teen. They would be so bad I'd be sent to the school nurse, vomit and be sent home! She actually made sure I went to the docs. They suggested Feminax which were great. Hope she's feeling better soon.

ZogTheOrangeDragon · 17/01/2019 17:37

As long as it doesn't become a habit then it's absolutely fine.

It was a habit for me. Turned out I had severe endometriosis so very little I could do about the excruciating pain I habitually in.

waterplease · 17/01/2019 17:46

Hi OP, so sorry for your daughter- us women can all sympathise :( hope she's feeling a little better nowThanks

I came on mine aged 12 (now 20) and had really really bad ones up until aged 16 when I went to the doctor and got put on the pill, is that something you could look into for her? Really lessens the flow and pain a tad.
Obviously missing a day or two of school each month isn't ideal!

Also recommend Feminax (in the painkiller section of supermarkets) it's the best medicine I've found that helps combat all the nasty side effects of periods (diarrhoea, back pain, stomach pain, aching, nausea etc). She could take it first thing when she wakes up and it'll last her until lunchtime when she can take another 2 to get through the afternoon.

It really blocks it all out and would definitely help her forget about it :)

Fluffyears · 17/01/2019 17:51

I remember that, your poor girl. I used to lie and cry for hours, painkillers were useless as I just threw them back up half dissolved. I am pretty much an atheist but I used to pray and beg for it to stop. I asked my mum to kill me once as I couldn’t take it anymore. The (male) gp just gave me stronger painkillers that again I brought up. I then told them that unless they sorted it out I would kill myself (my pmt can cause mood swings where I think about harming myself). Lo and behold I got the pill.....best invention ever. No more pain, no more 11 days of heavy bleeding (I even had pain during an exam which was awful), I could plan my pill break around my life by running packs together if needed. It was the best thing ever.

I am no longer on the pill and i’m 39, the pain is lesser but I still have a few bad months but it does get easier.

Let her stay off and rest and take her to a gp.

Perfectly1mperfect · 17/01/2019 17:52

It was a habit for me. Turned out I had severe endometriosis so very little I could do about the excruciating pain I habitually in.

Yes, I find the comments like 'As long as it doesn't become a habit' really unhelpful. Of course you should get her checked by a GP to check all is well and to get her pain relief, but if she's ill each month and needs time of then so be it. It's not a 'habit' it's a day off due to feeling ill and should be taken when necessary regardless of past time off for the same or other illnesses.

JustanotherCHRISTMASuser01 · 17/01/2019 17:55

a one off duvet day probably did her good

TovaGoldCoin · 17/01/2019 17:56

My DD3 does have a day off regularly for a painful heavy period. It's literal flooding, excruciating pain, nausea migraine and vomiting. She can't use hormonal BC because she has a connective tissue disorder which is sensitive to hormones. College are very agreeable about it, because she submits work on her intranet. We expect our daughters to out up with a lot!

lightningpaw · 17/01/2019 17:59

At 13 mine would not have wanted to be babysat by Grandma though.

I would still have my grandma here looking after me when I’m unwell at the age of 31 if I could!

Frazzled2207 · 17/01/2019 18:03

Right thing to do. At the same age I had the occasional day off for the same reason, no Grandma to wait on me hand and foot though was just left to it 😀

KonekoBasu · 17/01/2019 18:04

Mine were bad in my teens, long, heavy and very painful. GP wouldn't put me on the pill, despite the fact that the pain woukd be so bad I couldn't stand,

JazzyJelly · 17/01/2019 18:20

I had a day or two off a month for years until I get my periods under control. Didn't affect my education. Besides, she can't focus even if she is at school if she's in pain.

Pandasarecute · 17/01/2019 18:23

Ahh, bless her of course you did the right thing. I had awful periods as a teen and was in absolute agony. mefenimic acid helped a lot as long as I timed it right, I then went on the pill. Have you taken her to the doctors?