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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is a bit grabby?

21 replies

HenweeArcher · 17/01/2019 14:30

I have a friend who can’t work for various reasons. I fully accept that the benefits system is shite and I don’t think she should have to live in abject poverty because of some unfortunate circumstances and I do my best to be helpful and supportive. I don’t know the ins and outs of her finances but I don’t think anyone who has to be supported by the state is going to feel well off, obviously! However, she has a habit of being a bit CF I think. Just trying to gauge if I am being unfair here!

She seems to post on Facebook whenever there is something she would like (ie. item of clothing, stationary, accessory etc.) with a link to the item saying something like ‘I love this, shame I can’t afford it [insert sad face emoji]’. Invariably someone ends up offering to buy it for her. The first few times I thought this was really generous and lovely of people but now I feel a bit like she’s mentioning any time she quite likes something isn’t he hope that someone might gift it to her! I’m not joking when I say that every time I see her she mentions something else that a friend has sent her as a gift. There are plenty of things I could do with that I am either saving for or I have accepted we can’t afford for the time being but I don’t drop major hints around my better off friends in the hope they’ll buy them for me. Maybe I should start?

OP posts:
thebeesknees123 · 17/01/2019 14:31

How strange... and cheeky. Yanbu

User758172 · 17/01/2019 14:34

That’s ludicrous. Wanting isn’t getting, I’m afraid, we all have to cut out cloth accordingly. I can’t believe people have actually gone along with the manipulation and bought things! Shock

Reccy2018 · 17/01/2019 14:36

Well, if you don't ask you don't get. I think the people offering are bigger idiots than her tbh

AllMYSmellySocks · 17/01/2019 14:37

Very odd. I actually know someone a bit like that, she'll ask on Facebook if anyone can buy her cigarettes or wine or something. Sometimes people do buy it for her but I get the impression it's drying up. It feels good to buy something for a friend in need but it soon gets old when said friend is a cheeky fucker!

OutPinked · 17/01/2019 14:38

Some people have no self awareness but then more fool the people actually giving her charity.

Pandamodium · 17/01/2019 14:46

That is just complete cheeky fuckery. I've ended up in an unfortunate position financially due to my little boy being unable to attend nursery due to a medical issue therefore I can't work. I wouldn't dream of doing anything like that.

When I've struggled (like when DD broke a school shoe two weeks into term) my mam and gran who I also care for have helped me out which I'm extremely grateful for but I certainly wouldn't be asking strangers on bloody FB.

HenweeArcher · 17/01/2019 14:50

@Pandamodium

I don’t think anyone would have begrudged you asking if someone had a pair of secondhand shoes you could have for example though! She on the other hand is literally just pointing out nice things that no one actually needs!

OP posts:
BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 17/01/2019 14:53

I had this happen a few times when I posted a few things to my old fb, I stopped posting stuff up because it was embarrassing if people offered to buy them for me. Now I just add things to shopping lists on Amazon, but no one has links to the lists so I'm good.

Butterfly84 · 17/01/2019 14:56

That is so cheeky. If it's not essential items, like a coat, hat etc., it's actually quite weird and undignified.

More fool these people who buy her the stuff.

SisterOfDonFrancisco · 17/01/2019 15:00

I'm amazed people are going along with it

HollowTalk · 17/01/2019 15:04

Surely "Oh I'd like that, too" is the only response you'd give to someone posting this? Either that or totally ignore it.

getawayslough · 17/01/2019 15:06

i know a few people like this-worse is these people would boast about how much they exploit others and i know 1 girl who used to steal and would shamelessly boast about it. Some people have very strange values when it comes to this and will happily take take take and seek out others to exploit for their fiancial gain.

whatsthestory123 · 17/01/2019 15:07

cheeky mare but im sure she is generally entitled in life as well.its her personality

i would not have the nerve but she obviously has and will continue to

just because she is on benefits does not mean she is worse of then somebody that works,the trouble is those who have very little to do with the benefits system may think that she is on a pittance and gets less money then them,not always the case

she is taking advantage of peoples good nature im afraid

and i say that as someone on benefits

BitOutOfPractice · 17/01/2019 15:19

YABU. It's not a bit grabby it's a lot grabby!

LannieDuck · 17/01/2019 15:49

Very cheeky. But a fool and their money are easily parted....

tiggerkid · 17/01/2019 15:58

I am finding it amazing that people keep buying her things! It's almost as if it's a story from another planet! Especially if happened more than once!

HenweeArcher · 17/01/2019 16:22

@tiggerkid I’m honestly not making it up! She’ll say ‘Oh soandso bought me this bag the other day. It was really sweet of her because she knew I wouldn’t be able to afford it otherwise’ and I’m thinking yeah, I know you wouldn’t because you posted it on Facebook last week! 😂

OP posts:
Meangirls36 · 17/01/2019 23:18

So it's not even just horny guys? Blimey were can I sign up? I've had money problems this month and just kept my mouth shut and tightened my belt.

Meangirls36 · 17/01/2019 23:18

Apart from just then oops

FuckingYuleLog · 17/01/2019 23:54

I dunno. Posting publicly that she can’t afford something isn’t exactly pressuring anyone individually or necessarily even expecting anyone to buy things for her so she must genuinely have some generous friends that like to help her out.
I’d be a bit embarassed though personally to constantly post that I was struggling.

Pernickity1 · 17/01/2019 23:55

That’s so embarrassing- has she no shame?! She needs to get some self respect...

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