15yr old daughter Ill but has school trip on Saturday

[RossPoldarksWife]

She has no spleen or gall bladder and is therefore has immunodeficiency that she is has to take antibiotics for the rest of her life.
I trusted her to self medicate.
It now turns out she has a really bad sore throat, and has admitted she hasn’t taken her antibiotics for three weeks. It could get quite serious, but I’m not panicking. I’ve instructed her to take them now, plus an extra dose in the middle of the day, as instructed by her consultant.
I’ve kept her off school today and will tomorrow, to rest and hopefully fight this infection.
My AIBU is, she has a GCSE English trip on Saturday, quite expensive, if she is well enough am I unreasonable to let her go? It’s an all day trip from 8am until approx 10pm.

If she is well enough i would absolutely let her go. Has she said why she stopped taking them?

Does she understand the importance of keeping up her meds now? Not being goady, I have a life long chronic condition and I'm dreading admitting to my specialist tomorrow that I've not been taking my meds properly, I'm 35! But the difference being I have to manage any fall out and subsequent illness myself, still go to work etc where she could have a detrimental affect on her future if she's ill over her exams etc.
I'd let her go as long as she doesn't have a temp Saturday morning, maybe speak to the teacher and ask that she be allowed to rest where appropriate, but I guess that depends what the visit is based around. If it were a residential trip then probably not as at present she can't be trusted to self medicate.

If it's no worse by the morning of the trip I'd definitely send her. Sounds like it could be a general viral infection which anti bx won't help, but if her general system is improving and she feels able to go, then fine. Obviously if there's any sickness or diarrhoea in the meantime then it's a no.

Sorry to sound harsh, but she is 15 and hasn’t taken her medicine for three weeks. Does she want to go on the trip? If she does, I’d keep her off and hope she learns why her meds’ are important. If she doesn’t want to go, I’d make her go.
At 15 she is quite old enough to understand the implications of missing vital medical treatment. This lack of judgment could impact on a lot of her life for a long while, she could miss out on her chosen university, career, life.

In all honesty, I’d send her, but have serious words with her.

Would it not be best to take advice from the same consultant who said to take an extra dose?

I’ve had a very stern chat with her about the importance of taking them. I got the typical teenage attitude at first, until she realised I go back to treating her like she was 10yrs old.
I had doubts about letting her self medicate, but after chatting to the doctors etc we decided she should.
I’ve lectured her about the consequences many times, but I think she thinks I’m exaggerating, trying scare tactics.
She won’t say why she hasn’t taken them.

She really wants to go on the trip, it’s to the theatre in London, in relation to her English GCSE. I asked on here as I thought that she shouldn’t go as a sort of punishment, if you see what I mean.
Obviously if she isn’t well enough she won’t be going.

If she's well enough to go she should go. Punishing her obviously won't help but you do need to get to the bottom of why she hasn't taken her antibiotics. I would be very concerned and would want to encourage her to be open about it with you.

Of course if she is well enough she should go. No need to punish her by missing it, plus it's school stuff not a shopping trip.
I suspect dealing with a chronic illness is really hard for teens, they don't want to seem different to their peers.

Punishment or consequences aside, if the play is 1 of their gcse texts, I would definitely let her go if she's well enough. I wouldn't deprive her of something important to her learning as any form of punishment.

I asked on here as I thought that she shouldn’t go as a sort of punishment, if you see what I mean.

I could be way off but I think that if she’s feeling “different” as it is then this might only add to the feeling. I am all for punishments/consequences when kids do the wrong thing, but something here just doesn’t sit right. I think you did the right thing giving her the opportunity to try doing it herself (she’s not a baby) but her teenage brain still lives in the moment and thinks she’s invincible so I’d focus on avoiding the potential consequences of that in future. Does that make sense? My children are younger so I have no experience in this area, apart from having once been 15 myself.

Random thought - does she have a boyfriend? Because AB's stop the pill working. would be 1 reason i can think of for stopping.

Beamer sylvanian

Yes that’s definitely a problem with her. She feels different and wants to fit in. Before the operation she was always jaundiced and would get teased an awful lot.

Spock no, no boyfriend, unless he hides in her room all the time !!

Ah, poor thing. Definitely don't punish her.

I don’t think it’s uncommon for teens with conditions that require life long medication to go through a phase of being cavalier and/or in denial about it. I had a friend who was the same about her diabetes and the Dr told her Mum it almost always happens when kids go from parents controlling meds to doing it themselves. I hope she’s better for the trip.

Oh God please dont punish her. The teen years are a classic time for risk taking and for rebelling. When you have a teen with a life-impacting medical condition - diabetes, anaphylaxis, cystic fibrosis, epilepsy, coeliac disease, whatever - it is totally typical (and scary) to have them start taking risks with their condition. By skipping meds, by eating or drinking things, or doing things, they know they shouldn't. Talking and empathy are the way to go, not lectures and punishment.

Please don’t punish her OP. It’ll just set her apart from her peers even more, she’s dealt with a lot during her early years.

I’m pretty sure, going by your comments of the surgery that your daughter has had and how she was pre-surgery, that she has a condition that me and my sons have. I didn’t get to have my surgery until I was 32 (one son doesn’t need it just yet and the other had his just over a year ago at 17) and the comments and looks, the second glances from strangers, has affected me and continues to affect me to this day and I know just how much she’ll want to fit in now.

I'm not going to punish her. I understand that she is rebellious about her condition. We are going to have another heart to heart later.
She really did have a tough start to life, in and out of hospital until she was diagnosed at two. Then was jaundiced all the time, sometimes not so notable but others really bad that I would be stopped in the street by professionals. At primary school she coped okay. Secondary school was another matter.
She so wants to be normal, my heart aches for her sometimes. So I do get her way of thinking.
Thank you for your lovely replies.

I would talk her through what you've said here. Tell her that you are really pleased she owned up about not taking them when she did, that you've been in two minds about whether it is safe or appropriate for her to go on the trip, that you are pleased and relieved that the ABs seem to be working, etc. I really disagree with punishing kids for not taking their medication, but there are natural consequences if they don't (i.e. they get sick and that can mean they have to miss out on stuff because it's not safe for them to participate).

Point out to her that taking her meds is what makes her "normal". Without them she will be in and out of hospital, off school etc. That's not normal either.

If you think she is well enough to go, then let her. It's only a day trip, most of it sitting down.