To ask when I will EVER have free time again?

[PenelopeChipShop]

I genuinely want an encouraging answer! 😨

Kids are 6 and 2, I work p/t (3 or 4 days per week on a shifting rota) and I’m a LP.

I just feel like there’s no slack in my week! I very rarely have time to even sit down and watch tv in the evening let alone exercise or eat healthily. I mostly don’t cook dinner if it’s a work day. If i’ve been off work with the kids i’ll eat with them though.

I help at a children’s group too and am finding in order to do that I have to use time I would normally eat or sleep. We never seem to get any new volunteers to help, even though mums come to it who I’m sure must have more time than I do.

Kids go to stay at their dads once a fortnight for 24 hours and if it wasn’t for that I think i’d go insane. But I often need loads of that time to just put the house back together!

Sometimes I feel like I’m counting down the days until both kids are at school and I can come home and actually do some jobs during the day instead of at 11pm. Please tell me it gets easier as they get older? Am so exhausted.

LP here too! Have you not got family nearby? Or maybe could do a friend swap ie one friend with similar aged child take both kids for an hour or two and then you return favour?

Otherwise I put my son with a childminder for 3 hours per week for a while to give me some free time. You also get gyms and centres round me where you can put kids in a crèche for an hour to use the gym/pool - a lot of my friends do that.

I hope it gets better soon. Being a LP is so tough. Could you look at increasing their time with their dad?

I would honestly give up the volunteering. You don't have time for it and need to look after yourself.

Yes it does get better. Mine are 5 and 10 and it's much easier. I am divorced (I get confused if I count as single parent or LP as those sound like accolades a don't deserve as ex does have them). I have 9 nights in 14 officially, although ex can be a bit flaky and I often find I have 11 /14 as they come back Sunday night alot. But those days do make a difference.

Also don't feel like the world will end if you use electronic babysitters, j.e. screen time (not to go out, I mean so you can sit and watch some telly yourself in another room). Mine have school, after school club, hobbies etc - they need a bit of down time too.

Also when they are bigger they have hobbies where they stay on their own - 10yo does by her choice. And it's easier to ask family to mind older kids (if you have family around).

Honestly, 10yo is no bother at all.

Do you have a lunch break at work when you can just sit and go for a coffee/walk/read your book?

Would it be possible for you to cut down on the volunteering?

I've got a week on my own in March. But it's taken a loooooong time! Kids are both over 18 and working, and one has flown the nest.

I used to farm mine out to gp's in the summer for a week, just so I could take a breath. They loved it, gp's loved it and found time to regain my sanity.

I put my DCs in childcare for slightly longer than they really 'need' to be so that I can Have a break/ clean the house during the day. I learnt that when DC1 was little, to always have an extra hour or so to get things done

I find just doing a food shop unaccompanied or having the chance to get a haircut or hoover the house makes all the difference.

I'm a lone parent (kids don't see their Dad) so I would lose my shit if I didn't have a bit of time. Also I get stressed out that my bus will be late etc. So helps me to know I have a bit of wriggle room.

I think you’ll find things will ease up when your youngest is a bit older and can entertain themselves. Two year olds are exhausting and demanding! I look after my friend’s two yr old periodically and I forget how exhausting they are, and my dd is only 6!

I’d knock the volunteering on the head for now if it’s cutting into your downtime though.

Also, like Bumblee said, I put mine in Childcare for longer than needed one day a week, which helps a lot. Sometimes all you need is a couple of hours to empty your mind and stare at the wall! Don’t feel bad about how you achieve this (as long as the kids are safe obvs) - a bit of extra screen time won’t hurt them.

Thanks for the understanding! I know i’m moaning and in lots of ways am lucky, but I just feel like a bit of time to myself would be the most precious commodity in the world right now and it’s out of my reach. When I see people with yoga mats when i’m on my way to work or mums dropping off their kids in gym gear ready to work out I’m sooooo jealous, just a couple of hours to be me would work wonders

I can’t afford any more nursery at the moment but perhaps an extra morning of nursery would be the answer after shes’s 3 and has funding, I could just do one gym session or something

Kids go to stay at their dads once a fortnight for 24 hours and if it wasn’t for that I think i’d go insane.

^

Why so rarely? Can't he have them more?

Halfwitpciker tbh that’s a lot more than he saw them when we were married! Do many divorced dads do more? He does in theory see them for one bedtime a week too which is when I usually would do an exercise class but they’ve been moved or cancelled a lot lately which is why i’m probably feeling so frazzled.

Scrivette I do have a lunch break but I only get to take the whole hour one day a week. The other two I’m half an hour late due to dropping them at school so I have half a lunch so I can still leave on time. This is the kind of thing I mean about no slack - every single minute is scheduled! I am grateful that I get days off of course but they’re constantly accompanied by a 2 year old. And she still wakes at night too!

I just feel like their dad doesn’t get it. He always goes on about what a fab time he’s had with them and it’s like, yes, it’s all very well if you don’t have to actually get them out the door or do homework or their endless laundry!!!

@PenelopeChipShop
Does your gym have a crèche?

About 12 years? When rhey 16 and 12 they wont need tou there all the time
It will get better as they get older
Build networks so you can swap playdates and sleepovers

Bumblebee yes I think it does actually! She would probably moan about it but it could be worth a try!

It doesn’t help that my mum is very judgy about me using nursery or doing anything apart from looking after them! she does help me with childcare for work so i feel I shouldn’t complain but she niggles all the time!

It will ease up. I am not a lone parent but seriously it will be tonnes easier when they are both over 7/8. I know it seems a long way but it will go quickly. Give up the volunteering. You need to be absolutely ruthless in your priorities. I salute you - you are doing a brilliant job. Chin up lass you’ll get through this.

@PenelopeChipShop I'm sorry your mum is unsupportive. I have my kids in as much childcare as I can afford, because that is my sanity as a lone parent. Plus on weekends I try and find a daily "babysitter" of soft play or the crèche at the gym as well.
I know some people would say "why have kids if you don't want to spend time with them" well, I do love my time with them. I just love it more when I get time away from them too.

I love picking them up and hearing about the things they've done, things like messy play which I'm too much of a stress head to enjoy. I don't think there's only one way to parent. I absolutely stand up for women's choice to use or not use childcare as Much or as little as they want. I think it's sad when women are forced to leave their kids before they're ready, or when they can't get a break when they need one. Either way the kids and mother suffer.

And yes I know men are affected too but I'm not talking about men

Yes it gets easier!!! Much quicker than you think too because all of a sudden they're going to be getting up, putting the tv on and helping themselves to breakfast while you have a sleep in. They'll be sleeping through. Going for sleepovers at friends

My eldest is only nine but I did see the light before DS2 came (and I know that sounds terrible, I love all my kids but my god the early years are hard)

Have a look at your whole week, you may have time plan in "me time" and self care. I know you said every minute is scheduled but there will probably be some time you could save. Things like your class being cancelled when your ex puts them to bed, go do something else then. And in tour 24 hours a fortnight spend half of it being good to yourself and the other half sleeping....cleaning can do one.

The first Saturday morning where they realize that if they just grab a snack and stay quiet, no one is policing how long they watch YouTube videos is amazing.

In the meantime, sometimes you can’t do it all. I would seriously consider dropping your volunteer time for now.

It will come when your dc are older
Hang in there
And get the dc to help a bit good for them you and alypur whole unit

Once the youngest starts school then you will have more free time, it might seem a long time away but it will come around very quickly!

I would stop the volunteering. It may take the group being about to fold to make someone else step up. Ime it does tend to be people who already have loads on their plates that end up running these things.

Ignore your mum's disapproval and do what works for you - would you even need to tell her if you put the little one in childcare (once you have the funded hours) on your day off?