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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU... smacking

13 replies

KM99 · 16/01/2019 22:36

A good friend of mine recently stayed at our house with their kids. During the stay their partner smacked their 6 year old son on the back of the legs lightly for not doing as he was told.

I don't believe in smacking as punishment but I'm also not extremely judgemental on other parents deciding to do this. Context being the kids are great, their eldest is a sweetheart most of the time, they have always seemed great parents and I've never witnessed something like this before from them.

But my 4 year old witnessed the snack and instantly told the parent it wasn't kind, we shouldn't hit etc. It all kind of got swept away by changing the subject.

My OH now feels uneasy spending time with our friends now as we tell our son it's not acceptable to hit but he may witness it again.

So how would you handle it? I want to be respectful it's their decision how they parent but also it flys in the face of what we tell our son.

OP posts:

Original poster

KM99 · 16/01/2019 22:37

*witnessed the smack even!

OP posts:

Onestep2 · 16/01/2019 23:47

Smacked him on the back of the legs lightly.

What was the child's reaction? Was he screaming in pain? Was he upset? Was the father overly angry while doing it?

I think there is a difference between a light smack and a bend over the knee snack (note... I wouldn't do either)

But honestly, for me, I wouldn't be bothered by this and wouldn't male judgements on their parenting style if it seems to be working. And I defo wouldn't stop seeing the couple.

Although to be fair, my veiw if probably tainted as when I was wee I got more than a light smack as punishment. Lol

Onestep2 · 16/01/2019 23:50

And as for your 4year old witnessing it, he was really kind to stand up for his friend and say it was unkind.

Have no advice for how to explain it too him. If it was me i would go down lines of yes, in this house we don't snack and that's our rules but other parents make other rules.

WorraLiberty · 16/01/2019 23:53

I'm not sure what you mean by 'handle' it?

If you mean teaching your 4 year old that lots of people do things differently to you and his dad, then yes you should probably explain that.

I'm not into smacking kids at all but I had to teach my kids that different people do different things.

We don't smoke or drink during the day but I wouldn't expect my 4 year old to tell adults off for it because we don't do it IYSWIM?

WorraLiberty · 16/01/2019 23:54

We don't smoke at all btw

I meant we don't drink during the day

incywincybitofa · 16/01/2019 23:55

Years ago my DS witnessed my Sil do CIO and as the very small boy that he was he blurted out "how will she feel loved if you do that"
My SIL said that her daughter knows shes loved my Ds does too but their mums and dads show it in different ways.
If you want to remain friends that's the way to take it.

Vicky1990 · 17/01/2019 00:00

I don't think I would want to be around people who think it's acceptable to hit children.

Chocolate50 · 17/01/2019 00:05

Agree with Vicky1990

Its not kind or acceptable to smack. It was in the 1970's but its outdated. Tell your friend that there are other waus to discipline her children. I would tell herthat I don't want to see it in my house.

Original poster

KM99 · 17/01/2019 07:54

Thanks all. My OH witnessed it. He said it wasn't done with a temper or hard, just more slight frustration their son wasn't listening and hurting his much younger sibling.

I was just interested in opinions to see if it was more common to say something to friend or just explain difference in approaches to our son.

I'm leaning more towards letting my son know parents take different approaches. However I'm also a little wary for the next time we are all together.

OP posts:

troubleswillbeoutofsight · 17/01/2019 09:03

If you wish your child to be brought up with the values that physical violence is wrong I’d assure him that what your friend did was, in fact, wrong. My DD was older when she witnessed my BIL smacking a two year old. She was dreadfully upset but, being shy just became very quiet and sad. I also witnessed it as did my DSis. We said nothing to my shame. They are now divorcing and it appears that physical abuse of the children became more regular. My DD would never be in the same room with her uncle after that and we saw them very rarely ( they lived abroad). When we spoke of it there was no way I was going to talk about people parenting differently and therefore giving her a confusing explanation. I told her it was wrong and disgusting

leaveby10 · 17/01/2019 09:13

I would avoid spending time with people who hurt their kids - I also avoid spending time with people who constantly shout and get on ant their kids all the time for no good reason - it just does not make me feel comfortable - so I avoid them. Poor kids - I always think if that's what they do in public what the hell are they doing behind closed doors.

Thisonewilldo · 17/01/2019 09:32

To be honest I would praise your son, he did the right thing.

There is never any excuse for smacking IMO.

Huntawaymama · 17/01/2019 10:01

I do not agree with my smacking, my sil does, I've never seen her smack her children buy I have seen her threaten it

I'm sure if my 4yo witnessed it she'd be frightened and would say something. My sil has shouted at her son before and dd has ran to me in fright (she's very sensitive). I think if she witnessed smacking I'd just say some parents do that but I don't and never will and explain why I think it's wrong but that some adults think it's okay.

It's a hard one

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