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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Help please

22 replies

Cazzi87 · 16/01/2019 20:34

Is it rude to decline being a bridesmaid for my sister?
Please help

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 16/01/2019 20:36

I think we need a lot more information on order to give advise.

Pinkyyy · 16/01/2019 20:40

Of course we need to know more information. Are you close? Are you older or younger? Are you her only sister? Why do you want to decline?

whatsthepointthen · 16/01/2019 20:51

Without any more detail, yes.

Bambamber · 16/01/2019 20:53

Depends on the reason why. If it's just because you can't be arsed, then yeah I would say that is rude. But if there is a backstory or it will cost you a lot of money or any valid reason, then no it wouldn't be rude. Context really does make a difference

Teagoanngoanngoann · 16/01/2019 21:00

I dont know if its rude but if i asked my sister and she said no i would be heartbroken as it would show she had no interest in sharing such a special day with me!! Mind you..the fact that you are even putting the question out there speaks volumes about the relationship.. maybe you would be doing her a favour by turning it down and she could ask someone else who appreciates the gesture.

AnoukSpirit · 16/01/2019 21:07

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 16/01/2019 21:14

Please help? How? You need to give us more information.

Maelstrop · 16/01/2019 21:16

Depends on why. Social anxiety? Don’t have the money for her bridezilla demands? (Heard one on the radio today, bride wants her blue eyed bridesmaids to wear brown lenses on the day so they don’t clash with their dresses, honestly had to check it wasn’t April 1st!) Detail, please, OP.

sophiec123 · 16/01/2019 21:20

Nope! I declined being a bridesmaid.. too much pressure/confidence issues/would have had a 2 month old baby.. she's your sister, explain fully why you don't feel like you should be a bridesmaid, if she doesn't respect your reasoning then tough tits

Original poster

Cazzi87 · 17/01/2019 07:20

She’s my sister, we was close and she just stopped talking to me. The problem is I think (and I’m not alone with this) that’s she’s making a huge mistake and to add to it I really really don’t get in with her partner. I’ve tried and tried but can’t. Her partner is controlling (with home life and is her boss at work too).

OP posts:

sophiec123 · 17/01/2019 14:02

So you don't speak to your sister at all? Pretty good reason to not be her bridesmaid I'd say

Pinkyyy · 17/01/2019 14:23

I'm surprised she's even asked you if you're completely unsupportive of the wedding. I would decline if that's the case

3boysandabump · 17/01/2019 14:30

Maybe she's asked you as a way to repair your relationship?

If that's the case I suppose if you decline it will seem like throwing her olive branch back in her face

PurpleDaisies · 17/01/2019 14:32

It will be the end of your relationship if you say no.

Original poster

Cazzi87 · 17/01/2019 14:59

I was prepared to along with it for her but just as a guest, I just feel a bridesmaid is a step to far for me. I love my sister dearly I really do but I can’t do this. I just hope she understands.
Thanks for all your advise too

OP posts:

AuntieGeek · 17/01/2019 15:02

OP are you my sister?

PurpleDaisies · 17/01/2019 15:39

What’s so bad about him? I’m not sure she will understand to be totally honest.

Sparklesocks · 17/01/2019 15:51

Obviously it's your choice but you need to weigh up the consequences and potential impact before you do so, it's possible this will damage your relationship further and her fiance might use it as leverage to further distance her from your family.

Original poster

Cazzi87 · 17/01/2019 16:18

It’s a she not a he (which doesn’t bother me) but she’s a lot older than my sister and there relationship started when my sister was really young, ( I’m sure some type of grooming was involved) but I didn’t live at home at that time. And she’s just extremely nasty and has pulled my sister away from her family for a few years, I just wish she’d wake up

OP posts:

Ohnonotuagain · 17/01/2019 16:20

If you don't speak to your sister how has she and why has she asked you to be a bridesmaid? Seems odd.

user1493413286 · 17/01/2019 16:23

I think if her wife to be is trying to pull her away from her family then you’re unknowingly helping her do that by not being a bridesmaid; almost playing into her hands.
I would do it to preserve the relationship with your sister particularly if I’m the future she might want support to end the marriage

tiggerkid · 17/01/2019 16:33

The problem is I think (and I’m not alone with this) that’s she’s making a huge mistake and to add to it I really really don’t get in with her partner. I’ve tried and tried but can’t. Her partner is controlling (with home life and is her boss at work too).

He is controlling? Sorry but don't you think you are trying to control your sister's life? Yes, ok, you don't get on with her future husband but being her bridesmaid is a one day event. Her life is her life. And you have to butt out! Surely you can bite lip and just do what you have to do for this one day? This day isn't about you. It's about your sister. Who cares if you like her husband? You aren't the one marrying him!

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