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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I shouldn’t have to justify why I don’t want my son to do (extra curricular) booster classes.

30 replies

babycatcher411 · 16/01/2019 20:09

My son is in Year 6, with the ever looming SATs approaching. He is a high achiever and at the last parents evening his teachers expressed no concerns about his academic ability (just that he is somewhat distractible at times).

At the beginning of the year, a letter came out to say that booster classes would be ran once a week for all the children. 1hour a week after school.

I was not hugely keen for DS to do the booster classes, I do not feel that at 11 they need added stress, ultimately for exams that have very little long term meaning or benefit for my son as an individual. However my son decided he wanted to do them as he wanted to achieve a little higher than he currently was doing (I think predominately to compete with his friends), and as it was self motivated, I was happy for him to do them.
He has now decided that they are boring and he doesn’t actually feel he is learning from them.

I’m quite happy to let him come home on time and miss the booster classes, which a couple of other children do already.
He does some extra learning at home, as suits us/feels necessary/as he wishes.

He has come home from school today, so say that his teacher has told him he (and all others not attending) needs to explain to her by next session why he is not attending.

AIBU to think that he/I shouldn’t have to justify why he is not staying back for extra tuition/extra curricular learning? Am I unreasonable to think that surely he should be being taught sufficiently in school to be able to sit the exams to his ability? I can understand if he was a struggling student, but he is competent and happy, and I do not wish to force a pressure on him so he can possibly achieve a little higher in the exams.

OP posts:
SalrycLuxx · 16/01/2019 20:11

If they’re not helping him, he doesn’t need to go.

SalrycLuxx · 16/01/2019 20:12

I’d probably send a short note saying simply that he will not be attending (and wouldn’t give a reason).

GreenTulips · 16/01/2019 20:13

If he misses out on the correct class in high school he’ll have to work a lot harder to get moved up. Small input now could make the difference later.

It’s up to you but as the teachers are prepared to put in additional hours it wouldn’t harm any child to attend

Boysandbuses · 16/01/2019 20:13

Well I can imagine that since he signed up for them but now doesn't want to, why this has happened would be a good question.

CheshireChat · 16/01/2019 20:13

I think it's ok for the teacher to ask why, but she should ideally be asking the parents.

HighwayDragon1 · 16/01/2019 20:14

I don't think pushing his at SATs helps them at all, it just gives an over inflated grade which means their GCSE predicted grades are almost unattainable

CheshireChat · 16/01/2019 20:16

Also, the teacher could be asking with the best intentions aka is worried the classes are too difficult/boring and it's really hard to address that without some feedback.

Evidencebased · 16/01/2019 20:16

Write a letter to the teacher, pointing out that as the parent of a primary school child, you are the one making decisions and taking responsibility for your child's activities, outside school hours, so please if you wish to discuss this, raise this matter with me, the parent, and NOT with my child.It is inappropriate to ask my child to justify parental decisions.

Original poster
babycatcher411 · 16/01/2019 20:16

@Cheshirecat I think that’s more my grievance- surely asking the parents of those not attending is going to provide better answers than asking the child themselves.

OP posts:
Original poster
babycatcher411 · 16/01/2019 20:19

You’re second point is also valid.

I agree with @highwaydragon1, I don’t want the stress for him, when he is not actually benefiting from it, because it’s not truely representational of his ability. I do not want him to have to spend his entire academic career aiming for goals he is not capable of, I want him to be aiming for goals which are realistic to him.

OP posts:
CheshireChat · 16/01/2019 20:20

babycatcher411 I think that's worth telling them as well, though I wouldn't be arsey about it personally, I'd just say DS was a bit taken aback.

pickingdaisies · 16/01/2019 20:20

Is it something he/you signed up for? Did he/you notify the teacher that he was not going to admit more, or did he just stop turning up? Not unreasonable for the teacher to be certain your son is where he should be, and not bunking off.

Original poster
babycatcher411 · 16/01/2019 20:23

That is a valid point about his stopping attending, having started. And they may just want too clarify. He was supposed to inform them I said he doesn’t have to go anymore, but maybe that was my error and I should’ve gone in and said so myself.

Although from his explanation of what was said today, all of the children not going have been asked to justify why not. Not just my son.

OP posts:
bookmum08 · 16/01/2019 20:24

My daughter actually wanted to go to her booster classes - I'm more on the chuck the letter in the bin side! It is about 7 children out of 30 that are going.
Send a letter "My child will not be attending the after school booster group because he has other activities he is commited to in the after school hours". (which may be a fib but then helping you make tea, feeding the hamster, tidying the Lego away etc could technically be described as something he is commited to doing!)

RoseRuby26 · 16/01/2019 20:30

I've been a yr6 teacher for a few years and I'd first of all say the pressure can be intense. You (teacher) end up not seeing reason! YANBU. There is no need for extra. I'd imagine they are keen for him to achieve greater depth in all areas assessed (which is great for the school) but this is very challenging which is why they are doing the crazy after school boosters. Kids are tired after school...no wonder he feels he isn't learning. I wouldn't go OTT with response, I'd just say that he is finding it tiring and he isn't enjoying the extra lessons so won't be attending.

RoseRuby26 · 16/01/2019 20:32

Also I wouldn't question a letter from a parent but I would question a child saying it as they could be making it up IYSWIM

garethsouthgatesmrs · 16/01/2019 20:40

wouldn’t harm any child to attend

i completely disagree it can cause stress in a child and self esteem issues.

YANBU I would write a letter saying that yoi are not sending him anymore. Give no reason unless you feel you would like to write something similar to your OP.

HonestTeacher · 16/01/2019 20:57

When I do a booster, groups are small. There are usually lots of children I would like to put into it but can't choose them all so I would be annoyed if someone started my group and then dropped out as someone else could have had that place. Sends out the wrong message to your son too; if something is boring, give it up!

agnurse · 16/01/2019 21:29

YANBU. Just say that it doesn't work for you. (It doesn't. He doesn't want to go.)

To me, the idea of booster classes at this age is frankly a little ridiculous. If he is learning as he should be in school, his grades should be reflective of that.

Admittedly maybe I am biased. In Canada we don't have an SAT at the end of Grade 6. Children with significant SEN can take "knowledge and employability" courses in Grades 7-9, but otherwise all children take the standard curriculum until the end of Grade 9. It's only in Grades 10-12 that you have academic and non-academic streams, and which one the child takes is determined by his or her grades from Grade 9. If a child decides that he or she would like to "upgrade" to an academic stream, this can be accomplished either through the regular school system (after graduation until age 21), or by attending a college (after age 21).

Walkingdeadfangirl · 16/01/2019 21:46

Are you risking your DS starting secondary in the bottom sets. I would be giving my DS every opportunity possible to excel academically, especially if teachers were offering it for free.

Will he be upset getting lower results than all his friends?

velourvoyageur · 16/01/2019 22:03

Good life practice for him to put a concise case together tbh. It's his decision, he's not a small child, so why should his parent send a note when the teacher has appealed to him directly for his reasons? Is she not a person worth giving an explanation to once she's posed the question directly to him? If he can make these decisions he can also defend them articulately and respectfully to an adult. Useful experience for him in any case.

Original poster
babycatcher411 · 16/01/2019 23:18

@walkingdeadfangirl, the difference in his attendance to them, is likely to be between being placed 1st/2nd/3rd amongst his peers, is 3rd/4th/5th. He will still grade well without attending them. I had no concern he won’t then also be in good sets in high school.

@honestteacher, I could understand that, but the whole year are being asked to stay behind, not just a select group.

@velourvoyageur weve talkedmore this evening and he’s actually asked me to speak to them because he doesn’t think they will listen. He has absolutely no faith in his current teacher as he’s had issues with unfair discipline (a whole other thread) and feels he will just be told he is a disappointment and letting them down.

OP posts:
user1511042793 · 17/01/2019 00:21

My child ‘won’ a place at the booster classGrin. He didn’t want to go so he didn’t. Teacher was a bit surprised as usually everyone goes. He passed his SATS andnit has no bearing on his sets at all at high school. In year 8 and nicely in the middle.

BlackeyedGruesome · 17/01/2019 00:39

Have enough trouble getting him into school without making it more difficult thus will not be sending mine either.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 17/01/2019 05:07

They won’t have any baring on his level at secondary school, they get “retested “ again in Y7 anyway.