Should ex leave provision in will to DS??

[cathykate]

Just asking for advice and opinions.
I am single mum bringing up DS, ex and I parted when DS was 4yrs (he's now 15 yrs) but ex has always a been full on interested dad, loves his son, full contact, holidays, weekends, parents eve etc..no probs there...
Ex has married now and has another child (3yrs old) and I am really happy for DS, I never wanted him to be an only child, really glad he has a sibling, however, recently I had a really nasty health scare which made me realise I hadn't made a will or provision for DS....
Fortunately it was a misdiagnosis thank god ..However during that time I asked ex if he had made a will and he said he hadn't but he would and leave all to his wife (they have 2 properties) and that he trusted her to provide for our DS.
Well this my question AIBU to think he should put a something that makes sure his firstborn is provided for? She is a lot healthier and is younger than ex and I can see her outliving him, a few years down the line the common bond would be gone and DS will end up with nothing?
What do you think??

Yes he should write the provision into his will.

Wow risky.

He should have a will as I would imagine you’d be able to make a claim from the estate should he die before DS turns 18 for child maintenance.

We drew up wills about 4 years ago and were advised to leave a chunk of money to DSS to be had immediately in the event of death to stop claims against the estate from his ex wife which could be a costly and lengthy process (whilst everyone would be grieving)
We were going to leave a chunk anyway but it would have been in trust till he turned 18.

I’d urge him to seek legal advice as there is no guarantee that she wouldn’t go off get married to someone else and they the money go to them.

Of course he should make provisions for DS. It's insane to leave this at the discretion of his new wife after he is gone. Madness.

Oh dear. Another silly man fucking off the first family in place of the second.

Appalling.

If your ex wants to leave him something (personal possessions or money) it should be in his will. However, he may think that because if the age difference if his children, it is more sensible to leave everything to his wife who can then distribute it as she sees fit to ensure that the youngest child is adequately provided for. Keep in mind that if something were to happen to your ex, it would have a greater effect on the younger child than your son, purely because of their ages. It can be difficult to leave assets to minor children because the surviving parent cannot always access them for the benefit of the child. I know people who, for example, left the house to their minor children but the surviving spouse couldn’t sell it and also couldn’t afford to pay the bills or feed the children. Not a good situation for anyone,

If you really want to ensure your son gets ‘sonething’ from his dad, it might be better if he doesn’t write a will and relies on laws governing intestatcy. I don’t recall what they are in the UK off the top of my head I think it is everything to the spouse up to a certain amount and then the rest divided between spouse and children. Worth looking up!

We ring fenced an amout to give to DHs DD if he died first. That way I also don’t have anything hanging over me, that I owe her something down the track for eg. On my part I’ve left our DC a chunk of life insurance each if I die first. That way when he gets together with someone else they are protected a bit as he is a completely useless shit when it comes to these matters.

Yanbu. I've been through this as a child and it's awful.

YANBU.
Wherever possible as much as possible should be handed down as many generations as possible in my opinion to minimise the possibility of it being spent on social care costs that the government would otherwise pay.

I knew a guy who left everything to his wife. His kids contested the will because you can’t actually disinherit your children. They won, but it ruined a previously quite amicable relationship they’d had with his wife.

I totally agree with you OP. It’s a tricky one, because you risk him accusing you of insulting his wife, but realistically your son is unlikely to see a penny.

If you’re going to discuss it with him again, I would suggest to him that it’s an unfair burden to place on his wife as she would be grieving for him and she doesn’t need the added pressure of sorting out his oldest child’s money.

However during that time I asked ex if he had made a will and he said he hadn't but he would and leave all to his wife (they have 2 properties) and that he trusted her to provide for our DS

Many a long nineteenth century novel starts with this situation (see Austen, Sense and Sensibility). I've seen it happen in my in-laws' family. It's nasty.

The 2nd wife or 2nd husband will rarely do the right thing. Your DS' father should make clear provision for all his children, not rely on his 2nd wife to do the right thing. 10 to 1, she won't.

He should leave a direct provision to your son. Even if it is to be held in trust for him until he's 18, or it's a stake in his house that is not realised until his wife sells or passes.

Whist he is in education, yes there should be provision. Once an adult, it's tricky as most people leave to a spouse and not directly to chidren.

I'd raise the issue of life insurance whilst your son still needs supporting through education but asking for his will to be changed may come across as grasping.

Even if he totally trusts this woman and she genuinely means to leave money to your DS and make sure he is provided for with the money, wills are meant to cover all eventualities and worst case scenarios. If he were to die and she remarries, what would happen to your DS’s money then - maybe it would still be fine, I’d like to think if I were her I’d make sure money was left by me to my stepchild, but it just can’t be guaranteed (new husband could spend all the money, she could die without a will and leave it all to new husband). I do know I’m maybe thinking up unlikely worst case scenarios, but that’s what wills are for (also these scenarios may be more likely to persuade your ex, because they don’t involve suggesting his wife would do anything other than what she’s said). If he wants DS to have money the will is the place to ensure that, no point trying to ensure it another way.

Yanbu. He should make specific provision. If he fails to do so your son could challenge the will but that is costly and likely to ruin the relationship with his sibling in years to come

He should definitely leave a provision for your son, ridiculous for him to just leave it all to his wife and hope for the best. He's being very naive

He’s a fool to leave it all to his wife and hope she’ll do the right thing.

I'm think there is a legal requirement to make provision for dependents in a will (ie children 18) so if your ex didn't do this and your DS was under 18 when ex DH died then you can make a claim on the estate.

Once DS is over 18 then ex DH can legally do what he likes.

Morally it stinks and he should be making provision for BOTH of his children.

What if he leaves it all to his DW and then she remarries and leaves it all to her DH. Wifey dies and then the new DH decides to blow it all. He should make a specific provision in a will for both children.

He should treat his children equally but, ultimately I don't see how you can make him. Do you trust the new wife?

Hmm tricky. I had all the assets before meeting dp and having Ds. My whole estate is doing to ds as the assets were acquired before meeting dp, it is up to dp to leave any assets he has equally to all his children including our joint child.
I've had no advice that this would be cahllengable at all my dp ex as the assets were mine pre relationship. Your ex partner's circumstances are different

If the houses are owned as joint tenants between him and his wife, in his death the houses will go to her anyway as they have equal rights over the property. You can’t pass on ownership to somebody else in your will.

Definitely he needs to make it explicit in his will. People can get very out of sorts when plagued by grief and money matters. Better safe than trust someone to do what you want with your money when you're deceased.

Can I just say I really appreciate the feedback, I am really taking your comments on board, all points put across really well, and I posted because yep it is tricky...and obviously I am biased...