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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to be mad at daughters school?

28 replies

Mumaof2girls · 16/01/2019 13:57

so my six year old came home from school yesterday afternoon with a letter about "bring a parent to school day" which i think is quite nice except it's for today the day after reciveing the letter...now I work and can't just randomly take the day off with such short notice now I'm at work currently feeling guilty and worrying about how me not turning up will affect her as most of her friends mum's/dad's may attend also.
aibu to be mad at the school for not giving enough notice?
I did speak to her and explained mummy has to work so I won't be able to make it and promised that the next trip that comes up (as we usually get longer notice for trips) I will go on with her. she was pretty happy with this. but just can't help feeling guilty and sad that she will be disappointed that I'm not there. am I just over reacting? ☹
Thanks.

OP posts:
LondonMummy1987 · 16/01/2019 14:00

I'd feel exactly the same as you. It;s odd that the school didn't give much notice, maybe mention it to the class teacher at pick up so they are aware that more notice is needed.

Hugs, I'm sure your little one is more than happy, and definitely won't be the only one who's parents couldn't make it x

HopeGarden · 16/01/2019 14:00

That’s definitely not giving parents enough notice to arrange their schedules.

I’m sure your DD won’t be the only child whose parents can’t attend at such short notice.

Tweakanddashi · 16/01/2019 14:00

I would find that incredibly stressful. I hope that you've missed a letter home and there was an earlier warning.

MelanieCheeks · 16/01/2019 14:00

I think getting mad is a bit of an over-reaction. You've explained it to her and she seems happy. Maybe ask the school politely to give longer notice for these sort of events? But in the great scheme of things, is there much harm done?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 16/01/2019 14:02

1 days notice? Are you sure its not an old letter she hasnt forgotten to give to you earlier or it was mentioned earlier by the school in some form and the letter was a reminder?

If definitely sent yesterday for the first time I would be thoroughly annoyed and say to the teacher "you were disappointed you werent able to attend on short notice, are there any other potential dates like this you could get forewarning of."

Pommes · 16/01/2019 14:02

How about taking her for a special trip (ice cream parlour) this evening, if possible? It will help you feel less guilty but actually, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Far too little notice for the majority of working parents.

Knittink · 16/01/2019 14:04

It was stupid of the school to give such short notice, but I think it's important to get yourself and your dc used to the idea that you won't always be able to attend daytime school events if you work. Just because a school event is available to parents, that really does not mean that the school expects all parents to be able to attend. I'm a teacher. I can hardly ever attend them. Dh is a deputy headteacher and has never been able to come to a single one (our dc are now 10 and 13).

madeyemoodysmum · 16/01/2019 14:06

I’d imagine many parents won’t make it short notice.

Maybe talk to the office and flag up more notice for next time.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 16/01/2019 14:08

@Knitthink They probably don't expect you to come but at least give them more than a days notice to give them a chance if they want to!

I've sent plenty of emails in to DDs school about the shocking amount of notice we get for things.

They now give at least week (not great but at least better than the day before) and it gives me a chance to organise something.

alleypalley · 16/01/2019 14:09

With 1 day notice I'm sure your dd won't be the only one there who couldn't have a parent make it. Unless they're like my dd in which case the letter could have been her bag for a week.

ChariotsofFish · 16/01/2019 14:09

That’s v irritating. Had she forgotten to give it to you earlier? My DS came home one day a few weeks ago saying he needed a plant pot, holly and other plant cuttings for the next day. I assume he’d forgotten to tell me earlier...

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 16/01/2019 14:12

Completely unreasonable of the school to put working parents in this position by giving so little notice. It is ridiculous how many schools still automatically assume that all DC have a parent at home or working very PT when this is not the reality for many families. I would write to the school, expressing my disappointment at how this has been handled and politely ask that in future they give more notice.

I can completely see why you're upset that you're not able to be there for your DD, I would be too, but she will honestly be fine. She certainly won't be the only one whose parent hasn't been able to drop everything at the last minute.

purplelass · 16/01/2019 14:15

It used to frustrate me how DD's primary school assumed all children had a parent just sitting around at home waiting to help out at school when needed or attend meetings during the day. Made me feel quite inadequate as a parent sometimes, whereas I was actually working hard to pay for a roof over my daughter's head!

I wouldn't get mad at the school but it might be worth dropping them a note to ask for more notice next time so that you can arrange it with work. I'm sure you won't be the only parent affected by this.

Weezol · 16/01/2019 14:17

Email the school and find out when the letter was issued, if there were any others prior to this one.

If this is the only letter, I think it needs raising with the SLT - they need to be aware of this. 24 hours notice is stupid.

Yabbers · 16/01/2019 14:20

We get this all the time. Last minute requests for parent involvement are awful for working parents. We got notice of something next Wednesday that neither I nor DH can do. DD is ok with it as she knows we can't be at everything but it really does piss me off they don't give enough notice.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 16/01/2019 14:22

@purplelass It does make you feel inadequate!

Just before Christmas it turned out DDs class were having a party which some of us only found out about because someone posted a question about it on a whatsapp group two days before.

It turns out instead of a letter or email, the teacher had come out at pick up one day and just told the parents about it so for those of us whose children go to after school club had no idea!

almutasakieun · 16/01/2019 14:31

That would eat me up, but there's nothing you can do! You gotta work! How do they think parents can rock up on a days notice?
I remember feeling incredibly guilty one evening as I had booked my dd to see the GP. As life goes, a case came up which was in court the following day and I literally had to stay at work. My DP brought her to the GP (not her father). He was brilliant, she was prescribed antibiotics, but I felt like the biggest loser of a mother ever. For her it was a novelty and the GP didn't bat an eyelid that a randomer was bringing her to the GP (which in my paranoid head I thought he would have).

jessstan2 · 16/01/2019 14:31

You have nothing to feel guilty about. No-one can expect you to not go to work without giving any notice.

NailsNeedDoing · 16/01/2019 14:34

One day isn't enough notice for most parents, I'd bring it up with the school.

Are you sure you'll be able to go on the next trip though? Maybe your school works differently to the ones I know, but we don't allow parents to just choose to tag along on trips if they feel like it, so I'd be careful about promising that you'll be on the next trip unless you are 100% sure you can go.

Badtasteflump · 16/01/2019 14:42

Yes it's a bit crap but surely lots of parents will be working and therefore can't make it - so your DD won't be the only one.

GrumpyMcGrumpFace · 16/01/2019 14:43

YANBU in thinking it's not very good planning.

Do you work in an area where both parents mostly work? I know it's not always the norm, in areas where employment isn't so available. So maybe pp saying "most people" wouldn't manage isn't fair - though it may be.

However, in my old job it didn't really matter if they gave me a year's notice of a school trip or whatever, I still wouldn't be able to change my work shifts.

I suppose my final word would be - don't get mad at the school. They're not great places to be atm, so don't need any more stress really. This isn't ideal, but not terrible either.

Purplecatshopaholic · 16/01/2019 14:51

I was involved in a scheme at work to help teenagers into the workplace. We had an event that we invited the parents to (with a lot of notice). None of them came, literally none of them - they were all working. I get that totally - even with notice most people have to work. To give a days notice is stupid and unrealistic

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 16/01/2019 14:52

I’d check to see whether that was a reminder and wonder if there had been previous information. It’s not usual for schools to give a day’s notice of an event.

raisinsraisins · 16/01/2019 14:57

Ridiculous to only have a day’s notice. Parents who don’t work may also not be able to come as they may have other arrangements, responsibilities or appointments. I would be very surprised if many parents turn up.

OneTiredMomma · 16/01/2019 15:07

Personally, if I was in your position, I'd be fuming. It's not fair to her or to you. My daughter's school regularly does this sort of thing - tells you it's bring a parent to school day, or to make a cake for the sale, or they're having a cardboard robot competition and we have to make it at home... ZERO notice. The amount of times I've been crafting something or baking something at stupid o clock at night for the following day so that she's not the only one empty handed.. I have never met such an inept group of people in my life as the ones in her school office though, so hardly surprising haha