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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How to approach school

15 replies

Frickssake · 16/01/2019 11:34

My DD is 5 and isn't at all confident at school. V quick chat in playground with ETA this morning confirmed this. She's in her 3rd year having done 2 in nursery and seems quite confident at home. Ideas?

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Original poster

Frickssake · 16/01/2019 11:35

Just to say I was going to post this in the relevant area but having done this before and had little response I thought I'd have try here as hopefully more traffic

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coffeekittens · 16/01/2019 11:39

Is her lack of confidence affecting her education at all? I don’t really see what the problem is unless her shyness is putting her behind, but again she’s only in reception and lots of children are just finding their feet for the first year.

Original poster

Frickssake · 16/01/2019 11:55

Coffee - she's been 3 years at school.

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user1474894224 · 16/01/2019 11:59

My DD never spoke at pre-school and apparently hardly ever spoke at school either. She is now 9 and will sometimes volunteer for things. She cried whenever I tried to get her to do a new activity. She wouldn't leave my side at BD parties. In fact she still doesn't like to go upstairs by herself. However, she is loud and boisterous at home and with good friends. She is doing well at school. I find it hard because she's the opposite of me - I am loud, pushy and say my mind. Lol. But we are all different. Respect how she is. Embrace the shyness as part of her. She'll build her own confidence in time.

TeddybearBaby · 16/01/2019 12:02

Do you mean pre-school when you say school? No one starts proper primary at 2 do they? Anyway I’m not sure what the problem is either. In what way isn’t she confident? My daughter is 9 and the teacher says she should have more confidence in herself, she doubts herself too much and is worried about getting the answer wrong or doing something wrong. I haven’t really seen it as an issue. I talk to her and tell her everyone makes mistakes and that’s how we learn etc. But that’s all I’ve done really 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster

Frickssake · 16/01/2019 12:36

Teddy - sorry about the confusion- I thought I'd already said she was at the same school nursery for two years ( in fact the nursery children and reception join a ( large) classroom

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Original poster

Frickssake · 16/01/2019 12:37

User - thanks for the reply. AFAIK she's doing fine otherwise at school ( according to last parent teacher meeting last October).

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woolduvet · 16/01/2019 12:41

Ask for a proper conversation about it, what friendships does she have, does she offer answers in class, will she talk in front of unknown adults/children?
If there are any gaps, what can you do at home and what are school putting in place?
Maybe the r/ps class is too big for her to be heard so she hasn't bothered?

Quartz2208 · 16/01/2019 12:46

talk to the teacher

LetItGoToRuin · 16/01/2019 12:53

When you say "isn't at all confident" at school, how does she present this? Is she unhappy and anxious because her needs are not being met because she's not brave enough to ask? Or is she shy with her classmates? Or does she not speak up when asked a question in class? Or something else?

You say she's confident at home, but what is she like with strangers, or friends/family that you only see occasionally? I think user1474894224 makes some good points.

Also, although she's gone through school nursery, she's only 4 or 5. It is ok for school still to seem a 'big deal' at that age.

Original poster

Frickssake · 16/01/2019 12:58

Thanks for all the replies. She's not great with relatives we only see occasionally but that's understandable. She doesn't speak up in class - am surprised at this due to the amount of time she's known the staff and class mates. Am planning to speak to her teacher just wanted some views from fellow mums to see if they had similar situations and what they did. thanks again everyone

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SuperNappyBaby · 16/01/2019 13:01

Definitely talk to the teacher to get her view on it and to see if it is having a negative effect in her at school and if there is anything that can be done to help her. I feel the social side of school is as important as the education.

LL83 · 16/01/2019 13:01

I would organise play dates and take her to a club such as rainbows or future x. Might help build her confidence.

Original poster

Frickssake · 16/01/2019 18:01

Started rainbows last week. Have taken her to swimming ballet dancing and gym class /clubs but she's been similar there. Although she was a year younger then. Spoke to TA who says she's just a bit shy no problems academically but will mention to teacher when she comes in tomorrow.

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LL83 · 18/01/2019 21:54

Some people are shy, if she has some good friends it won't hold her back and she will blossom in the end. Rainbows etc will help as no pressure like other clubs and usually kindess/caring encouraged and more supervised than at school playtime so she will get the chance to become comfortable.

My DD is shy, but getting better every year, now 9 and quieter than other children, but can chat to adults. Couldn't have done that a fee year ago. Time helps too.

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